


Webcam Secrets

by Lord_Amias



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Blood, Blow Jobs, Canon Gay Relationship, Childhood Sexual Abuse, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, OOC, Ooc because the plot calls for it, Out of Character, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Riding, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex Toys, Slow Burn, Switching, Toys, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Usagi is gonna bottom in this fic as well as topping, camboy, camboy au, im gonna try to keep it in character, im not writing anything graphic just talk about it, lots of angst and stupidity, misaki is a camboy and usagi slowly falls in love with him, misaki is ooc cause of his job, misaki slowly falls in love back, pls dont kill me, the Bois gonna be switching because I'm gay, there w i l l be fluff, want some fluff?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2019-09-20 17:30:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17027001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Amias/pseuds/Lord_Amias
Summary: Akihiko is a lonely man who goes online to watch cam shows. He stumbles upon one particular camboy streamer that catches his eye and when he sees him for the first time outside of a cam show, he feels lured in by him. (Camboy Misaki au)





	1. First Glance

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna have multiple chapters and oof, this is going to be difficult to write. I hope y'all enjoy and don't mind Misaki being more sexually active than he is in canon but only because he needs money. There's probably a bunch of spelling and writing errors so I hope y'all who read this don't mind. Enjoy

Being a single man living alone was not the ideal life for Usami Akihiko. Ever since he was a child, he never exactly had any experience with having close bonds with others. He had been with multiple men in his lifetime yet none ever really fit his tastes or ideals. They all seemed very dull or only interested in because of his looks. It hurt each time, especially when he did had real feelings towards one only for them to only be drawn to him for his handsome appearance. With women, he had always broke up with them first due to the fact he had never been sexually or romantically attracted to them. There have been multiple people he had flings with and being Usami Akihiko, one of the most skilled authors and one of the most famous in Japan, it was easy to get anyone he wanted whether it be a fellow author, an admirer or anyone he found decently attractive. However, he had never truly felt a real connection with them and each time someone left in the morning, it felt...bad. One night stands were the closest thing to a bond he had ever gotten.

It stung that he had never had a proper loving relationship before in his life. Loneliness had never been a new feeling for the author yet it still hurt him every day. 

The author sat in his office where his laptop laid, sipping coffee from a mug before setting it aside on the desk. The clock read 9:30 PM, the sky was definitely dark by now. Papers piled on the side of his computer filled with ink and wrinkles;a wave of relief came over the man. He had finally finished all that he had to do for the night and now he finally had time for himself. At least for that night and the whole day tomorrow if his editor didn’t demand more. Of course she’d try to call him to ask what he was doing but thankfully, all he had to do was tell her he was done and send her everything. The man never enjoyed working to this extent but as long as he finished, he could enjoy himself. 

Nothing to do, nothing needed to be done. Therefore what was there to do? Should he read? No, that would only remind him of his job. Should he go out? No, it was already dark and not many shops were open by this time. Akihiko went to his bookmarks and looked through each one, before stopping at one that could always keep him somewhat busy until he was tired. 

This website wasn’t exactly family friendly and anyone who decided to check Akihiko’s browsing history would definitely squint their eyes with judgement. It was the average cam site, filled with women showing their bodies off for men, women and others. Of course they all had their own reasons for being there and it wasn’t exactly in Akihiko’s right to judge. Though, the female portion of the site wasn’t exactly what he was looking for. 

Switching over to the male cam model section, he scrolled down each row in order to find one live stream that interested him. None exactly caught his eye at first. Many of the men seemed a bit too off for his tastes and there were tons of viewers already in the top results. 

_ What am I doing...Am I really on this level where I just go online for enjoyment instead of going outside?  _ The answer was yes. Akihiko laughed to himself as he scrolled down further, glancing at every username and what time they had begun streaming. There was a man in lingerie in one thumbnail, another had two men starred, then another featured one screen that was definitely in worse quality. None exactly interested him. 

Frustration grew as he glanced around the site and then at the clock. Only 10 minutes had passed quickly, time ran past him each moment. As soon as he hit the bottom of the first page of suggestions, he sighed. If nothing interested him on the first page, then the second definitely wasn’t desirable. His cursor hovered over the ‘2’ icon that was in the very corner of the page before a show caught his eye. He hasn’t noticed a thumbnail that was at the bottom of the page next to another less interesting one. Akihiko leaned his head in a bit before resting his chin above his hand, then hovered his cursor onto the user. 

The thumbnail alone didn’t exactly provide a good view and only showed a bit of his chest with his hand holding a paper which had a small heart drawn in the middle. Each user who put on live shows usually put an attractive selfie into the thumbnail to let each viewer know what type of person they were watching. 

_ That’s so annoying. Just put a photo of yourself like everyone else... _

Though it somehow interested him. Akihiko clicked down onto the username of the streamer, going onto his profile to check out who exactly was showing off their body. He hadn’t noticed this person before on the site. Judging by the stream being at the very bottom of the first page, which hosted the most popular streams, he must have been gaining traction for the first time. As the author glanced through the profile, he read the young man’s bio and details. 

**_“Hey there <3 I’m a college student and I’ve decided to go on here to make a little extra money! College life is hard so I need all the help I can get hehe! I do everything I can and if you leave a tip during stream, you can make an anonymous - or not - request for what you want me to do. Depending on how much you pay, I’ll even do a private show for you~ Private message me any questions regarding meetups but only if you’re a frequent viewer and payer. Pm me for other questions regarding my service too. Thank you for reading!”_ **

Akihiko raised an eyebrow at the bio. Normally one would list their prices but this person was definitely not doing this whole job correctly. His account was made about a year ago as well so he must have experience however. Akihiko scrolled down to see the images the man included of himself to get a good look of who exactly the author was curious about. Clicking onto the gallery and opening up a small window, he felt presently surprised. 

This person...was surprisingly cute. He wasn’t exactly handsome or “hot” in any way but he looked very small and very appealing. His hair was a lovely shade of brown and his emerald eyes definitely locked Akihiko’s heart in. He didn’t exactly seem to have any hair on his body aside from his forearms but in some images, he looked completely smooth aside from the hair on his head. He obviously shaved every other night and it only added to how young he looked. He must’ve been about 20 or 21. The small body and the clear skin was very pleasing to the eye yet his hair looked like a mess. Did he even brush it? It did add onto the youthful appearance however. After all, many of the cam boys were in their mid twenties up to their early thirties and were much taller than this person and larger built-wise.   

Akihiko was very drawn by this man by now. He swallowed, then bit his lip ever so slightly as he went back onto the homepage, scrolling back down. Only 34 viewers were present but the number slowly increased. It was now 10 PM. The author clicked the stream at last, now entering as an anonymous viewer only signified by a random number. 

The sight that greeted him was of the young man giggling on screen as his eyes focused onto his screen, noticing the lewd comments that flooded the chat. Akihiko immediately noticed the man’s face, which had a shy smile. His cheeks were flushed with a light pink, his eyes kept darting to the side. His outfit was very revealing if you could even call it an outfit. He wore a dark red tank top that only covered a bit of his chest and then stopped, so it revealed his entire stomach area as well. It was clearly made for women and to be honest, it looked like it was only made to cover up the nipples and reveal the rest of the flesh below. A strap dangeled past his shoulder and along with that, there was a strap around his neck where a small glass heart was attached to.  

Akihiko glanced at the chat that was filled with men and possibly women who left sexual messages to the boy. He obviously wasn’t used to this type of attention even though he must have been a camboy for a year already. It still seemed cute in a way however- a shy personality usually made others excited and obviously the audience was eating it up. It made up for his average looks too since he was more cute than attractive. 

“So um…”, he began. “I didn’t exactly expect people to already be sending me money and requests, haha…”. His webcam was surprisingly very clear and it was set up to show half his body: His tummy up to the top of his head. It was clear that he was nervous and already many messages flooded calling him “cute”. Akihiko cocked his head to the side, growing disinterested. He wasn’t exactly a fan of people who were THIS anxious but it did keep him drawn. Still, as if to hide his embarrassment, the brunette gave a soft yet confident smile to the camera. 

“Guest 134, thank you for your donation...I’ll do what you say now…!”, the young man giggled. He slowly lifted his shirt up and bit down on the fabric in order to keep it up, revealing his nipples. The small buds were already erect and poking in front, the light pink catching the author’s eyes. Many donation pop ups appeared on the side of the screen, each one signifying which user left a certain amount of money. 

After lifting his shirt, he stood up from his chair and pushed it back, his entire torso visible as well as his lower body. His head was now out of the shot. Akihiko’s gaze locked onto the sight;his pants slowly getting tighter around his crotch. The camboy only wore a garter belt that hooked onto thigh high black stockings as he wore dark panties. A visible bulge was poking from his fabric, revealing his erection as he pulled down the underwear only a bit. 

The man in front of his laptop took a look at the chat, many asking the boy to pleasure himself on screen- seeming to forget they had to pay in order for him to do anything they wanted. Quickly, many donation pop ups appeared in the corner but Akihiko now noticed they only paid in small amounts. They all paid up to $2 or $5 and only a few paid past that. It was a lot going in but the website’s guidelines said that a good chunk of the earnings were taken in order to support the domain, therefore the man in the stream was losing money as he gained it. It obviously didn’t help that each person only paid a little bit either. 

“Ah-User 21 - Thank you for your offer...I’ll do what you say now”, the brunette blurted. His voice was extremely shaky and though Akihiko couldn’t see his face at the moment, he could tell that the man was definitely red. He stared as the brunette repositioned himself;he sat back in his chair that was now further away. His face and whole body up to his knees were now visible to the audience. His face was indeed flushed with a deep color, releasing the fabric from between his teeth before breathing in deeply. Legs spread themselves out slowly as he moved his hand towards his crotch, gently stroking himself as he scooted his chair closer towards the camera so it was clear what he was doing. 

“Mm…”. His hand movement grew faster each second as he touched himself in front of the webcam, spreading his legs wider to get a better view. Akihiko’s gaze remained locked as his own hand made his way down towards his own clothed erection. 

_ He’s pretty cute, I have to admit...  _ Unzipping his pants, he pulled out his cock and began rubbing it with his hand in sync with the brunette on screen. Another donation pop up came on screen suddenly, catching the young man’s attention. A message appeared into the chat that was highlighted orange, reading:  **“How often do you masturbate outside of these camshows?”** . That peaked Akihiko’s interest as he noticed the camboy fidget a bit before looking off to the side, obviously embarrassed. 

“W-Well, since you paid...I guess about...maybe a couple times a week?...I don’t exactly have time to do that since I have a part time job and classes to go to so I’m sorry if that’s disappointing…”. Fuck. The pure unease and shyness he displayed really tugged at the author’s heart strings, his mouth twitched into a small smirk as he watched the young man continue to pleasure himself on screen. He was adorable. The second he answered that question, another pop up appeared, catching those emerald eyes once more. 

“User 34, that’s so dirty!”, the brunette pouted. Akihiko felt his cock twitch at the face he made, slowly realizing he was enjoying this cam show more than he expected. The camboy stood up and repositioned himself again- this time pointing his backside towards the webcam and bending over onto the chair. Small hands reached back to then pull the panties lower to reveal his bare ass, then spreading his cheeks apart to show his small hole. The man watching felt his hand rub himself harder, feeling his toes curl a bit as he touched his erection. 

“Thank you for the offer, sir…”. He took one hand away and began to suck onto his fingers. After a good minute of him licking himself, he pulled his hand back and then started to stick one digit into his tight hole. Slowly, he sunk his finger inside and once it was knuckle deep, it began being thrusted in and out very slowly before gaining speed. Moans emitted from the brunette as he tried his best to muffle them, arousing the author as he masturbated to the sight. After a bit, the brunette had stuck 3 of his fingers inside and kept at it. 

“Mm...ah…! It feels good…”. His tiny gasps as well as his moans caused a flood of donation pop ups to appear at the corner of the screen. Few stated demands and others questions but the young man was too drowned in pleasure to notice anything outside of fingering himself. The author bit his lip as he stared at him, wanting to see him cum. Before he could, the boy took his fingers out and faced back towards the cam, drool running down the corner of his small mouth. Panting, he scooted closer towards his webcam and computer to read what was sent. 

“User 390, I only hook up with anyone who pays frequently! Unless you pay me more than the rest hehe…”, he giggled. Akihiko noticed the change in his tone suddenly. It was much more bubbly and easy going. He certainly was in a hornier mood now that he touched himself. Almost like he'd forgotten that there were real people watching. It felt very fake somehow. The author had been good at reading emotions. Either the camboy was just very easy to read or Akihiko could recognize that this wasn’t exactly how he’d normally act. 

“Ah..please dominate me, mister…!”. Akihiko blinked in surprise at the sudden interruption before realizing that he was requested to say that from the chat. “Please go as hard as you want!”. The camboy repositioned himself once more until he was positioned where he leaned back into his chair to wear his legs were both in the air as he continued to finger himself, slamming his digits in and out of his hole as he moaned more erotic phrases to please the audience. His body was much closer towards the camera so it was very clear to see the action as well as his face, which was a deep crimson. His hair stuck to his face as he lightly sweat.  

“F..fuck...It feels good…!”, moaned the brunette, quickly covering his mouth to muffle his loud noises. Akihiko's hand rubbed faster and harder, his mouth open as he panted, watching. This person interested him a lot. A very cute face as well as a cute voice and a good body. Akihiko could only imagine what he would look like under him, how he would react and say as he would be fucked by him. Getting erotic thoughts over a camboy was a first for him, especially since many of the men he had watched never interested him to this extent. 

Then, Akihiko had made up his mind. He moved his free hand to press the option that read “Leave a tip”, then gave a box that asked how much he would like to leave. Thinking back to how everyone else only paid a little, his only thoughts were to one up them and leave more. That would definitely get the model’s attention. And so, he did. Once he clicked “send”, the camboy glanced at his screen and his eyes looked mortified at the amount given. Quickly, he sat back normally and clicked away at his computer, panic spread across his face. Wasn’t he happy?

“Um..! I think you've sent too much! You must've made a wrong payment, user 42! I'm sorry, I'll refund it immediately!”. He laughed nervously, that same shy smile melted the author’s heart yet it bothered him.

Akihiko, as quickly as he could, typed out a message explaining it wasn't a mistake and that he was really giving him that much. Those emerald eyes filled with confusion as well as shock. His eyes were certainly a lovely shade of green. 

“Oh...okay...please give me a request to do since you paid so much, sir…”. His blush seemed to cover his entire face and his legs rubbed against each other. His erection leaked precum as it longed to be touched yet it was being ignored. The man slowly typed his request, asking the model to suck on something near him as he continued to finger himself- just to see what it would look like. Once he pressed enter, the camboy read it before he nodded. He was clearly shaken from the amount Akihiko had paid;the little shocked reaction made the author feel more excited. It definitely did arouse the man;he wanted to see this boy do anything lewd. Of course he thought of that demand in a rush so it wasn’t exactly what the author was looking for yet it was still exciting his hard member. 

The brunette's eyes looked around his space a bit before he leaned in to the side and grabbed a large black dildo. Akihiko's eyes widened in shock and curiosity- but definitely more in shock. This small guy had THAT just sitting in his room?! Though the thought of watching him ride it definitely interested the author, he had already made his request. Pressing the tip close to his lips, he entered it into his mouth slowly before engulfing it into the hot cavern. His head bobbed slowly before leaning his head downward to swallow more of it. Until he was deep throating, he moved slowly before picking up his pace. Akihiko felt his erection ache, begging for attention as he watched this young man give a performance. Soft moans came muffled from the camboy, as he had one hand gripping the large material as the other went back down so he could touch himself more. His hand rubbed the rubber member, jerking it off as if it were a real erection as he licked and sucked it. 

“Mm...mmm!”. Akihiko licked his lips before he set his hand back down onto his member, getting off to the sounds the model made. He wanted to see this man cum. He wanted to hear him moan in pleasure and he wanted to see him submit to every order he was given. Precum ran down his hand as he continued to jerk off, noticing the man quickly remove his mouth from the dildo- saliva running down his chin and covered the tip.

“I'm cumming! Ah…!”, He moaned as he stood up, sticking his cock closer to the cam to get a clear view. The chat flooded with people telling him to release and others telling him to hold it in longer. However, it wasn't until a tip came in telling him to cum was when there was a final answer. The camboy moaned and gasped, before the clear liquid spilled out in front of the webcam. As soon as it happened, Akihiko could feel a hot substance run down his own hand. He had cum the same time the other had, slowly coming down from his high. 

The camboy removed his fingers from inside him and sat himself back down into his chair, coming down from his orgasm as well. His gasps and appearance were a very lovely combination, Akihiko loving every second. His violet eyes looked back onto the clock. It was now 12:25. 

“Ah...um..ah…”. The young man twitched a bit yet his erection now laid soft. He looked exhausted as all hell but Akihiko couldn't blame him. “I think I'll stop it here tonight...I'm sorry for those who just got here and to those who sent requests that I didn't cover. I have classes tomorrow so I should sleep now”. He stretched and the dark hue on his face was now only a light tint. “I'll refund those who send refund requests, don't worry. Good night, my lovelies~”,the boy giggled before shutting down the stream. 

Akihiko quickly cleaned up the mess he had made before putting his dick back into his underwear. He quickly went back onto the young man's profile and looked through it. He streamed every 2 days and has a porn account of himself doing sexual favors for those who hook up with him if they are okay with what happens being recorded though it only had a few videos. Most of the comments on his page were him announcing when he was streaming and each one had many upvotes.

_ What a shameless boy...but he's very cute. I think I'll keep watching him.  _ Before Akihiko could exit out of the website, a little notification popped up on to the top bar on one of the small icons. He clicked it, then as he read what it was, his eyebrows furrowed immediately. It was a refund notice as well as a small message that came with it: 

**“Hello there, my lovely~ Thank you so much for watching my live show tonight and thank you for your tip. It means a lot to me and I think it's so nice of you to just give this much out to me out of blue. However, I just can't accept this much from you. I hope you enjoyed what I did for you but you should spend this on personal things instead of on me. Thank you though!”**

_ Is...Is this guy serious?  _ The author felt frustration grow inside him. How could this person just reject all that money he gave him?! It was one thing to reject a request and give a refund but to do a request and refund the money with it was an entirely different situation! Akihiko's head spun in circles as his eyes were locked onto the message. There was no option to reply at all. All he could do was accept the refund and go to bed. There was no point in declining it already, the person had already made up his mind. Still...How could he just do all that? It’s as if the money meant nothing to him. 

_ What a strange person…  _ Akihiko sat up from his chair, then exited each tab. The camboy obviously investigated the author’s account, he could only refund if he knew the username. Obviously he didn’t care that Akihiko chose to remain as an anonymous number in the audience. But then again, if he went through all the trouble to just give Akihiko his money back, he must’ve cared about him somewhat even if he was just another viewer. Accepting defeat, the man shut his computer down and shut the office light off. As he went to bed, all he thought of was when he would be free next time to watch the next stream. 

* * *

“Usami-sensei! Why are you getting your work done so fast?!”. The woman, clearly uneasy, stared at the author. Her hair was in a neat bun and her make up was very suttle that day, though Akihiko was used to seeing her look worse. “You’ve been slacking off for months and now you’re just...giving me work early. Are you doing okay?”. They were just exiting the building of Marukawa Publishing, it was still early evening. An extremely pale blue covered the sky, clouds hovered over and blocked out the sun. The air was extremely crisp, only a bit chilly so there was no need to bundle up yet. The author however looked tired, especially with his editor at his tail.

“I’m fine, Aikawa. I’m just trying to have more free time”. 

“You say that but you always waited until the very last minute to hand in anything…”. 

“Yeah yeah, I’ll leave now. See you soon”. Quickly, Akihiko left the woman to herself, not wanting to speak to her any longer. If she knew the real reason he was getting things done early, she’d be in no place to judge. After all, she loves his BL novels and has read every single one. 

The man stretched, laughing to himself before heading towards the parking lot. For the past 2 months since that first night, it’s been like this. Every couple nights, he would go to see the camboy perform his little heart out and each time, he would thoroughly enjoy it. Akihiko had learned that the young man would often reject large offerings and only accept small tips so now the author would only pay just a little bit more than what others paid. In his opinion, the camboy deserved much more than that. It was odd though- He would always tease the audience and say “You have to pay more than usual if you want this” yet each time Akihiko paid a large amount, the model would immediately reject it but still do the request. 

Each time Akihiko entered the stream, he would go in as an anonymous number user instead of his using his real account. However, it was obvious that the camboy was beginning to recognize each random number as the same person since the author was the only one paying in extreme amounts. Therefore, Akihiko began paying just a little bit high than everyone else. 

Recently, the author began to notice little things about the camboy. His eyes were very lovely shade of green which Akihiko simply loved and he noticed that the room the boy was in was surprisingly very clean aside from the sex toys that were visible in the background. The camboy often had some papers in a small pile near his bed though and the pile seemed to grow every time he streamed. There were some nights where the young man looked much more disheveled than usual too. He would be covered with red marks on his flesh as well with his already messy hair looking messier than usual. That was an obvious indicator that he had been having sex off stream and now that the author thinks about it, he did remember some messages in the chat telling the model to check his messages before. 

It did make Akihiko somewhat envious in that sense, but thinking about it now, it wouldn’t exactly be a good idea to ever hook up with him. Besides, he doesn’t exactly know if the model had any health issues plus he didn’t know him personally. Having sex with a stranger has always been very risky. The thought of it made the man’s stomach ache lightly, his grip on the steering wheel tightened. It only reminded him of all the one night stands he had dealt with. What was the point of having sex if you weren’t even attracted to the person romantically or sexually? Sure, the camboy was cute and he did turn the man on but the thought of having sex with him now just felt...wrong. It somehow made the man feel even more lonely than he already was. Besides, the model obviously only preferred one night stands from the looks of it. 

Another growing concern of his was the camboy’s health. In the most recent of the shows, his attention immediately went to his appearance as usual. Along with being aroused by his actions, worry grew over the author. Nowadays, the model seemed paler than he used to be. Maybe it was the lighting but some days he looked sicker than usual and some nights, there were obvious tear stains on his cheeks as well as glassy eyes. The young man still performed his dirty acts for the viewers and Akihiko always got off to them but it was difficult to ignore the obvious forced “sexy” attitude he put on. 

This night however was one where the camboy wouldn’t be on stream. Though Akihiko was disappointed he couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved. It was 7 PM and it was still light out, his work was all done and the camboy was taking time to himself. There was really nothing to do. Pulling up to a local grocery store, the violet eyed man parked his car out before exiting. He had time to kill and to keep himself busy. Besides, he needed to buy some milk and some vegetables since the ones in his fridge already went bad. 

Already there was the sound of loud chattering, boxes being moved, footsteps and shopping carts rattling. Unease set in immediately but the author had already stepped in. He didn’t need to get a lot anyway, it would be quick to leave. 

Walking past aisles, he had realized he hadn’t exactly known where everything was. It had been a very long time since Akihiko had been in common store but the feeling of being one of the normal people certainly did make him feel happy. Going down each row, looking left and right, it was difficult to navigate throughout the busy building. The more he looked at each line of items, the more he realized that he needed to buy more than he expected. Quickly taking whatever he could, the author shoved each item into his basket. 

When he went into the canned food aisle was when something caught his eye. No, someone. They were very short and were one of the few people in the corridor. Their shopping cart was flooded with clothes, food and other items. Akihiko wandered over closer only to notice that they were standing up on their tippy toes, struggling to reach the very top shelf. Looking around, the man noticed that no one was considering helping them or they were just too invested in their own shopping. 

Going over, Akihiko reached the can that the poor individual couldn’t reach. He could feel the gaze of the person’s eyes lock onto him as he pulled it down. The author turned towards them, before freezing in his tracks. The short individual gave a soft smile, taking the can from Akihiko’s cold hands before looking back at him. Akihiko’s gaze locked onto his pure green eyes, immediately enchanted by them upon realizing who it was. 

“Thank you so much!”, the young man giggled. Akihiko stood completely frozen, blinking at the young man. It was him, the same person in those cam shows. The same person Akihiko had shamefully masturbated to and the same person who refunded him all that money. Noticing the surprise of the taller of the two, the camboy grew uneasy before breaking the silence. 

“Um, excuse me. Are you okay?”. Akihiko immediately broke out of his trance, attempting to keep his composure. If this person knew that Akihiko recognized him, it would definitely burn its way into the author’s mind and make everything awkward. Still, the camboy looked even lovelier in person. His eyes locked onto his emerald ones, looking deep into them. This was probably the only chance Akihiko could get. He had to savor this moment. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just…”, he began. “I was just shocked at how cute you are”. Immediately regretting his choice of words, the author attempted to keep calm. He didn’t want to look like any sort of creep but in a way, he found himself guilty of being one. However, he managed to keep himself straight faced and to his surprise, the brunette’s cheeks tinted ever so slightly as he chuckled nervously. 

“Ahaha...thank you. I never expected to get that sort of compliment today”. He rubbed the back of his head as he looked off to the side, twisting his hair between his fingers. Akihiko’s eyes immediately went towards his clothes, seeing that the brunette wore baggy jeans and a dark green hoodie. He was so used to seeing him half naked as well as fully naked that he forgot he was someone who wore real clothes outside of streams. The author chuckled lightly, the doe eyed boy looking back at him. 

“Are you um...from around here?”, he tremulously said. He was much more confident on the liveshow he put on but Akihiko couldn’t blame him. It was easier to talk online to the webcam than it was to a living breathing person. Akihiko smirked, loving the way the young man looked in front of him. He was so shy yet he was so lively. 

“I am, I just came here to buy some groceries but I ended up needing more than I expected”, the author yawned. “You have a lot in your cart but you should buy a stepping stool next”. 

“Are you trying to pick a fight?! I’m not that short!”, the camboy growled. Akihiko chuckled before waving his hand, signaling it was a joke. Noticing this, the brunette smiled then let out a light laugh before looking at the man again. 

“Do you live around here by any chance?”, Akihiko smirked, attempting to make this conversation last as long as possible. It seemed to be working since the camboy continued along with him. 

“Oh, I live pretty close to here. My apartment is about a few blocks down I think? I’m not too sure but it’s a mess in there”. He stretched, his hoodie raising a bit to reveal a bit of his belly before it set back down. “You look like a neat freak, Mr. I-wear-a-fancy-jacket”. The author lifted an eyebrow, a bit shocked that this guy was pretty feisty. Then again, he did just tease him about his height. Grinning, he realized this conversation was going well. He had expected the camboy to just leave by now but he was actively trying to keep it going. He felt his heart leap a bit, happy that he could be talking to this person. He was very average and now Akihiko could confirm that but his short body, messy hair and large eyes were a turn on. Still, he felt relief hit when the brunette was pleasant to speak to. 

“I just came from a meeting if you couldn’t tell, midget”. 

“You better stop with the height talk, you damn mountain! I’ll throw the can you just gave me at you!”. 

“But then you’d need me to get you another can at the very top, idiot”. 

“Ugh, shut up!”. 

“Pft, you shut up. Your shortness makes you look cuter”. 

He pouted for a moment, before his lips went back into a smile. This was actually working to Akihiko’s surprise. He was enjoying talking to him and by the looks of it, things were going well. Maybe there was a chance he could see him again…A chance he was willing to take.

“Hey…”, Akihiko began. The camboy quickly looked up at him, eye contact being made. “Do you mind if I get your number? If that’s okay of course”. The author stuck his hand into his pocket, silently praying that he could see him again. He already watched his cam shows but now, that wasn’t even enough. He didn’t care if the brunette took this as a request to hook up or not, he just wanted to have a chance. The doe eyed boy looked in question for a moment, then took out his phone. He quickly tapped, then looked back at the author. 

“S-Sure...Sorry, I was just checking my schedule. I’d love to talk to you again, haha!”. He showed the author his phone, which displayed his phone number. Akihiko quickly pulled out an old receipt from his wallet and quickly jotted down his digits. 

“My name’s Misaki Takahashi by the way...And you are?”. 

“Usami Akihiko”. He tore off a piece of a different receipt before writing his own number on it, placing it into Misaki’s hands. They were warm compared to Akihiko’s, very nice to touch. The brunette looked at the number, then grinned. A soft blush crossed his face, once again enchanting the lilac eyed man. 

“It was nice meeting you. I have to go check these out now and go home. Call me whenever you want to, Usami-san”. 

As he walked off with his cart, Akihiko couldn’t help but feel his heart race. He felt confused, happy and shocked. Confused because he didn’t think he could get that far. Happy because he really did get that far without laying a hand onto the guy who managed to arouse him a bit. Shocked because he didn’t even expect to ever run into him. His eyes looked down at the number now written down. He could call this number any time he wanted, he could even text him. They hit it off pretty well to his surprise. Maybe it was just his own attractive appearance or maybe it was pure luck. The more he thought about it, the more questions came up. 

_ If I did call him, would we just have sex and then that’s it? I don’t mind, I think he’d be great in bed but...Is this even worth it? _ Placing the scrap into his pocket, the author continued down the aisle, looking for whatever he could possibly need. Misaki must’ve been long out the store by now. All that was left was to get whatever he needed and then go home for the night. 

* * *

The sky was dark already. Passing cars and people echoed throughout the parking lot and roads, making it impossible to feel the quiet air. The wind blew through Misaki’s hair, reminding him of how could out. He carried each bag firmly in each hand and arm, sighing as he made his way towards the sidewalk.

Looking back at the grocery store, the brunette felt a bit troubled. 

_ That guy seemed pretty nice. He was pretty rude but he was kind of handsome. I wonder if he’ll really call me. _ Making his way down the sidewalk towards his apartment, the brunette couldn’t help but feel troubled. 

_ ….I hope he really is a nice person. He must be one of my viewers but then again, he seemed to actually wanna talk to me. That’s good, right? But if he is, it’s best if I just gives him what he wants whenever he sends me a message...Then that’ll be it...right..._


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki has been stressed because of his personal life and skips his night job to go out with Akihiko, only expecting the usual treatment he has gotten each time he went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep this as in character as possible for both Usagi and Misaki but tried to keep it grounded to the fact that they're both still strangers,, enjoy,,,,

“Ugh, can you seriously stop?”. Misaki gripped a crumpled up sheet of paper, glaring at his professor who was unphased.

“Stop what? I’m giving you your real grade. If you’re mad about it, fix it”, sighed the man, shuffling through sheet after sheet of his own work, not batting an eye at the angered student. The class had already been long empty yet the brunette was asked to stay after class to discuss certain topics. By topics, they weren’t exactly what he wanted to talk about when all he wanted was to get home. Class was scheduled at 7 AM that day and ended at a later time so he was already extremely tired. “I know you tried really hard and just barely got into this university but now that you’re here, your grades aren’t exactly reflecting a ‘hard working’ attitude”. 

The brunette's gaze grew bothered, then he lifted up the wrinkled paper to get another look at the grade. A 52% on an English paper. Just another one of his failing grades. Noticing the unease, the teacher leaned back into his chair, sighing.  

“I know you know you haven't been working on redoing those papers I've given back as well as your online work. Do you rush everything and do it last minute? That’s the only reason your grade is so bad”.

“Of course not!”. 

“If that's the case then you have till the end of next month to redo everything I gave you so I can change your grade in this class”. Misaki quickly looked to the side, clenching his jaw till it hurt. “You're gonna flunk out this class if you don't get serious. This isn't high school or your first year here after all”. 

“But I don't have time to do all that! I work two jobs, one during the day and at night! mean...I do my night one every two days but during those breaks, I really do try to study but then I get some calls and…” 

“Are you going to seriously make up that sort of excuse? You're an adult. You have to do better and if you don't have time, just tell your bosses that you need less hours. It's quite simple”. 

“But I really need to get enough money so I can buy food, my bills, my rent, pay these classes and I can't ask my brother for any money...I can't just get less hours!”. 

“Takahashi”. The sudden calling of his name startled the camboy, interrupting his thoughts. His professor stood, staring the young boy down. Misaki stepped back, nearly tripping on his feet to get more room between them. “I understand you're in a difficult living situation but if you take nights off to yourself, you have to stop using those specific nights for nonsense and use them to redo those assignments”. 

“But I'm busy those nights too…”. 

“You just said you didn't work then”.

“It's complicated...um…”. 

“Takahashi, I've made up my mind. You have till the end of next month. Do what you can and I'll consider fixing your scores”. 

 “But-”. 

“I said I made up my mind”. 

The older man quickly placed his paperwork into his bag, occasionally glancing at the shorter of the two expecting him to leave. Accepting his defeat, Misaki looked at the messy paper again before making his way out of the class. Looking at the clock, he noticed it was 4:30 already. Stepping out of the building, he opened up his phone to check his messages. 

_ I wonder what kind of shit I have to read today...ugh, he could've just called me stupid then left. I had to skip work at the convenience store just to attend class and then I get told all this?! This is so stupid…!  _ Swiping through the texts, the doe eyed boy read each one. 

There were the usual messages from men who seemed to be attempting to sext him but he always delete their messages. He didn't care at all for them unless they offered money first. Though, it didn't hurt to text back sometimes or let them meet him to have sex for free if he ever felt bored. It's not like he hates being a camboy but it always made him feel more anxious than usual. Glancing at the date, the brunette noticed it's been two days since his last show. Tonight, he had to do what he did best. 

_ I hope my neighbors aren't home or I'll have to muffle myself again...ugh, I'm hungry…  _ Misaki was already home by the time he finished reading whatever popped up on his phone, stretching as he stood in front of his home.

Cracking open the door to his apartment, he took in the sight. The floor wasn't exactly messy and his bed had already been made. He always cleaned whenever he felt stressed or angry to keep his mind busy so it always looked neat aside from the sex toys that littered the floor but they weren’t that big of issue. He often wondered if any one of his viewers noticed how well kept his room was aside from the pile of graded papers near his bed. It’d be nice to get that sort of complement in the chat for once instead of the usual. 

_ God, I should really study and redo those but English is so hard...I can't tell the difference between half of those words.  _ Removing his jacket, the camboy undressed himself before changing into something more comfortable then threw his dirty clothes into the laundry basket. It was only 5 PM by now and it'd only be awhile till he had to go online. As he remembered what his professor said, the man immediately felt mentally exhausted. He didn't exactly like skipping school but on some days, the store manager would call him to work early. Today was one of those days. Still, he went to class anyway and missed the opportunity to earn a little more all to just get told he was failing. It felt unfair but he knew he deserved it.

He felt his eyes squint. It was a Friday so he didn't have classes tomorrow so he had time to some work but the feeling of trying to understand what was written fried his brain. Besides, he was tired and didn't want to think of working. Misaki fell onto the bed and stuffed his face into the soft fabric of his blanket, rubbing his hand through it. Laying alone on the mattress, remembering he'd have to show off his body later had his stomach in knots. 

The paychecks from the convenience store didn't cover a lot of his expenses. It covered getting his groceries and toiletries but the minimum wage wasn't nearly enough to pay for college this far into the year and to pay for the decent apartment. He had been lying to his older brother that he was working a good job that paid for everything but if he ever knew the reality of what Misaki was doing for money, he'd definitely faint on the spot. He already had a wife, already had a son so taking care of Misaki would only make him spend more. His brother worked hard every day at his job and was always stressed. Asking him to pay for anything more could ruin him. That thought alone only gave the camboy more reason not to tell him. 

Was being a camboy the only option he could do? Most jobs only hired if you had multiple years of experience plus the rent and other bills came very fast. A minimum wage job didn't exactly work for him. Showing off his body had always worked and whenever people recognized him in person, they'd pay him enough to have sex with him. Oddly enough, he never even had to ask them to pay before they did and he always accepted messages from others asking to meet him. They'd always call him ‘cute’ anyway so his average looks weren't an issue when it came down to it.

_ Well, I mean... At least I'm decently attractive! But not a lot of girls talk to me…  _ Shaking the thought from his mind, he laid still. A thought that was buried in the back of his mind always hit him whenever he rested, shooting his heart and mind. This was a time where it was supposed to be peaceful. It shouldn't be an issue but it always lingered, taunting him each time it had come back. 

_ What if I do meet someone that I love but they just reject me because I'm a camboy…? Even if I quit, my videos and recordings people take can't be erased from the internet. It's always gonna be there….  _ Burying his face into a pillow, he sighed. 

Though there was no one he was interested in at all at the moment, the future was what scared him. There was always the expectation that he would get himself a girlfriend, marry her and have a child or at least have someone in his life he could consider a 'lover’ by the time he was old and wrinkly.  _ I can't do this forever…  _ The only people who have ever stepped foot into his room were him, inspection people and the men who he let himself take home. They always left in the morning  and that was that. It was a routine. He did it constantly and has been doing it for more than a year now. There isn't a point in breaking that cycle when it never  did any real harm to him. What the point of even thinking about it?! He had better things to be worried about! Like his grades, when to visit his brother, if he should eat before doing anything dirty tonight, and whatever else! But the more he pushed it out his mind, the harder it hit him. Everything was fine...but…

_ Why do I feel so lonely?  _

The sudden thought was immediately dismissed when his ringtone started blaring, startling the boy. Quickly, he sat and checked the caller ID, squinting at the bright screen. An unknown number. He cocked his head, wondering whether it were a good idea to answer or not. Was it a wrong number? Maybe. A telemarketer? No, he'd set it up so their numbers were blocked. Did he give someone his number recently? Thinking back, there was a memory that he gave a man his number a week ago. He'd nearly forgot.  Thinking back on it, that person seemed a bit strange yet Misaki had to admit, he was somewhat fun to talk to aside from the teasing. Plus, he was extremely good looking too. The neat hair and those violet eyes immediately got his attention once he looked at the man directly, along with his height. It wouldn't hurt to answer. 

_ I wonder if he watches my shows...No, no way. Someone THAT prim and proper has better things to do. Plus he said he was in a meeting so he must have a fancy job that takes up his time. He might even have a wife and family! Or just a girlfriend... _ Stopping in his tracks, the brunette sat in silence as the phone continued to ring. It had only been a few seconds yet his thoughts went on for hours.  _ He might...but then why would he ask for my number and flirt with me?  _ Taking another look at the loud device, he thought for a moment. He made up his mind, it wasn't going to matter anyway. Picking up the phone, the brunette pressed the green button. 

“H-Hello?”. His voice stammered, he had always hated answering calls. He bit the inside of his cheek, breathing slowly. The other end fell quiet for a moment, the faint sound of cars distracted him before the silence was broken. 

“This is Takahashi, correct?”. It was him, the man he had spoken to awhile ago. His crisp yet deep voice was very distinguishable and Misaki recognized it clear as day. 

“Oh! Hello there, Usami-san. I was waiting for a call from you”. 

Putting on his best camboy persona out of habit, he attempted to sound as upbeat and appealing as possible. It was no use trying to feel real when this person had only just gotten his number just a week ago. He bit his lip, then sat with his legs dangling off the side of the bed. “Usually I get calls and texts immediately after I give someone my number. Were you busy?”. 

“Yes and no. I just try to get my work done on time but I finish it all quite fast”. His raspy voice pleased the brunette;Biting his bottom lip, wishing to hear him speak more. “I was wondering if you're free tonight”. 

“Um…”. Misaki blinked, then thought for a second. It would be a bit nice if he skipped a night of work to head out. Besides, thinking back on it, he still had some earnings left from last time. Then again, the more he can save, the better. 

“Can I take your silence as a no?”

  “Ah-! No- wait, um...Well, I have work tonight but I'm just thinking if I can skip it or not. It would be nice to leave out though…”. 

“If you're busy, it's fine. We can reschedule our date for another night”. Misaki cocked an eyebrow, then his skin burned lightly. His grip on the phone tightened, then sat up straight. What did this man just say?! 

“Wait, did you say ‘date’?! What do you mean?!”. A chuckle was muffled on other end, annoyance grew. “You seriously wanna go on a date with some guy you just met? You're a weirdo…”. 

“You're the weird one. I wouldn't just talk to you at the store for nothing, idiot”. 

“Don't call me an idiot! I thought you just wanted to-”. His hand clamped over his lips, not speaking any further. Did this person really want to go on a real date with him? Did he even know about his streams? 

“Thought I wanted to what?”. 

Misaki gulped before lowering his hand from his mouth. If this person was just saying 'date’ to cover up for wanting to have a one night stand, he wouldn't mind but the small lingering hope that they could have just hang out seemed to be good too. When was the last time he actually went out with someone that wasn’t for school related work or anything dirty? Maybe this would be a good change of pace. 

“Haha, sorry. I was thinking out loud but um…”, he began after looking at the clock once more. It was now 5:46 PM. “Well, I don’t think missing one night would hurt...When do you wanna meet up? And where?”. 

“Hm...I’m fine with going at 7 since I need to get some work done first so do you want to meet near the train station? I can text you the address if you don’t know where it is”. 

Excitement bubbled inside the young man, looking at the clock once more. Was he actually going to meet up with this guy? Yes. Was he expecting to just have sex then leave? Also yes but the thought of going out somewhere to do so instead of staying home seemed okay. This guy was obviously using ‘date’ as a cover, but Misaki didn’t exactly mind it. If they really did hang out for a bit, he wouldn't hate it.

“Y-Yeah! We can do whatever you want. I’ll see you then!”, giggled the camboy as he hung up. Tossing his phone aside, he layed back down. He breathed into his pillow, listening to the sound of distant footsteps from other residents and the creaking of the loose door to his home. It was somewhat soothing. 

_ I should take a shower and change out of this...He looks like the type to dress up all fancy and drag people everywhere. I guess my homework is gonna have to wait… _

* * *

“Your change, sir”. The cashier dumped coins into the author’s hand, then handed him a small plastic bag. Akihiko walked out of the gas station store, stretching as the cold air hit his face. It was quite dark though everything was still clear as day. The lights of passing cars, street lamps and the distant buildings lit the sky, creating its own mini light show. The train station was only a 15 minute walk from where he was, and having already paying a fee, he planned to let his car stay in the parking area for awhile. Taking out a pack of cigarettes from the plastic bag, he lit it before making his way down the sidewalk.

Cars zipped by, horns blared and the sound of the wind hit his ears all at once. Akihiko had never been a fan of noisy places, however this was nice. There were not a lot of people out walking during this cold weather at this time of day. It was an empty sidewalk next to a busy street. The the sound of vehicles hitting the wind was somehow pleasant to the man. His mood was just in the right place as well, thinking about who he was going to see. 

_ I still can’t believe I got his number.  _ Thinking back on the day he first saw the brunette in person, his heart was light. Of course he lusted after him but the more he thought about it, the more he’d prefer of having some personal time with him first. Whatever happens would mean more if they just sat with each other and spoke for a bit, even if they were just going to have sex and see each other out. 

Akihiko grew troubled though. Inhaling the smoke of the cigarette, he then blew it out. He somehow managed to convince the camboy to skip his stream today just to see him but what if that was his only source of income? One night couldn’t hurt, right? Another problem he couldn’t help but think about was what if they just jumped straight into sex as soon as they’re alone and then that’ll be it? Would he be okay with that? Would Misaki be okay with that? Would there be any connection? 

But what exactly was the man hoping for when he was going to see someone as sexually active as him? He puffed his cigarette once more, tasting the smoke. 

Stepping foot inside of the station, a crowd of people swarmed the area making as much noise as possible to compliment the passing trains. It was busy but it was the best place to meet up with someone. Still, the hoards of people didn’t make anything easy. He was lucky he was so tall or else searching for anyone would basically be impossible. 

_ Where could that midget be...I should've told him where to stand.  _ Tossing his coffin nail down, he ground his foot against it to put it out. Looking back up again, the sound of passing trains slapped the air. When was the last time he stepped foot in a train or a train station? It felt like years ago since he even been near one, having been used to driving and being driven.  Taking steps further down the crowded area, he could see a very small person next to a map against the wall. 

Getting closer, sure enough, confirmed it was who Akihiko was looking for. Immediately, he noticed the short one's appearance. Though it was cold, he still wore tight jeans that complimented his figure. He at least wore a jacket but it was obvious it didn't exactly do the job at keeping him warm. What kind of idiot wears just that in freezing weather? Did he not have anything clean to wear or did he just rush? Taking steps closer, the author approached the brunette who quickly perked his head up to greet him. 

“Oh, you're here finally. You took forever”, he grinned. Akihiko immediately noticed how off he looked. He was more pale than the last time he saw him. Plus the bags under his eyes weren't helping his case at all. They were barely noticeable but the author had keen eyes. He had covered his concern with a faint smile, looking the doe eyed man in the eyes.

“What do you by 'finally’? I'm here on time. You just got here too early”. Misaki sighed, looking up at the man as he examined his appearance. He was certainly taken by him, especially his height and clean look. As soon as their eyes locked, the brunette looked away. 

“Let's go outside, haha. This place has too many people and you look like the type who gets all sour when it's too loud”, teased Misaki. He sure was right. The noise of people had always irked the man. Akihiko nodded, letting the shorter of the two lead him outside where the cool winds hit them both. The author eyed the camboy, watching as his long hair was ran through by the flow. He couldn't help but smirk as he noticed how lovely he really was. It was like his hair was the smoothest  thing in the world despite how messy it was. Noticing the gaze, Misaki looked right back at him.

“Why are you staring at me?”. 

“Is it a crime to look at people? You were staring at me just a few minutes ago inside”. 

“No I wasn't”. He turned his head away, then something caught the author's eye. His cheeks were very flushed yet he couldn't figure out whether if it was because of the cold or something else. 

“You were”. 

“I wasn't!”.

“You really were, don't lie. Let me look at you too”. 

“Who's lying?! Shut up!”. Akihiko placed his hand over his mouth, letting out a muffled laugh that alerted the camboy. He shot a glare at the man, pouting at him as if he was trying to intimidate the author before letting out a chuckle. 

Was it even necessary to put on his camboy persona? The more he looked at the man, the less sure he felt. Still, he expected for the man to take him soon and that would be that. No matter how a man looks, they always want to be touched. Misaki of all people knew this for a fact. Looking at Akihiko up and down, the camboy definitely wouldn't mind if they did it however. That's how it usually went. 

_ He's so handsome but his personality is so...ugh. Why does he keep teasing me?! He's a jerk but it's not like I haven't dealt with this type of guy before.  _

“So, uh…”, he grinned. He had come to the conclusion that it was safest to keep the facade going so the night could end as quick as possible. “Where do you wanna go?”. Akihiko pulled out another cigarette, lighting it up as the young man looked at him. He thought for a moment, inhaling the smoke before blowing it out into the winter air. There were many options.

“Hm…”. Akihiko hadn't thought very far ahead but he didn't exactly care. As long as he could spend some time with him, it's all that mattered. He had already had a great deal of fun just looking at the camboy's figure, savoring the way his legs were complimented by the skinny jeans he wore with his eyes and how plump and soft his lips looked. Lust is a feeling that had never been new to the man. Looking at Misaki was already something keeping his mind busy. Still, there was a problem with the brunette's appearance that bothered him still. 

His eyes traveled down to look at the other, confirming how pale the camboy actually was. It bothered him. Was this person neglecting his health? Did he even eat? The last time he watched his camshow, he noticed that he was getting thinner but not in the good way. No one had pointed it out but now that this person was in front of him, it was about time he said something.

“Hey, have you eaten today?”,he asked. Misaki perked his head up. That's a good question...When exactly did he last eat? Those emerald eyes shot up for a quick sec, thinking about what he did that day.

“Your face says you haven't”. Akihiko stretched his back, then grabbed the camboy by the hand before walking forward. “Come on, let's go”. 

“H-Hey! What're you doing?!”. Misaki felt the grip on his hand tighten, feeling the cold flesh against his. Why were his hands freezing? It was cold but the brunette's hands were as warm as ever. 

“You didn't eat so we're going to get dinner. Besides I didn't eat today either”. 

“Usami-san, but where are we going?! The only restaurant around here is just some family one and the rest are way far down…Don't you wanna eat somewhere more fancy?”. 

“Food is food. Let's go, you look pale as hell”. Misaki squinted. Did he really look unwell? He didn't exactly look in the mirror outside of when he washed his face and brushed his teeth. Why did this guy even care about how he looked anyway? 

_ He's such a weirdo… _

* * *

“Here's your meal, you two”. The waitress set down two large plates, nodding her head at each man before walking off. The inside of the building wasn't too noisy but it wasn't quiet either. Families were there enjoying their night as well as couples going on about their lives to one another. The whole setting made the camboy feel out of place, especially since he was sitting in front of a total stranger.

“Are you going to eat?”. Akihiko noticed the young man who had been avoiding his gaze. It did make him feel bad that he just dragged him despite all the protest. Much to his surprise, the young man slowly started putting food into his mouth while glancing occasionally at him. Those doe eyes sparkled as he continued  to eat more and more. However he remained silent, seeming troubled. 

“Are you doing okay? I'm sorry that I pulled you in here”, apologized Akihiko. Misaki looked at him, swallowing before wiping his mouth with his sleeve. 

“N-No, no! It's fine, I'm actually really hungry. I was just kind of startled…”. His weak smile was cute, Akihiko had to admit. Watching him eat was entertaining in itself as well. He was trying to seem all proper but he continued to shove whatever was on his fork into his mouth without realizing. Either it was avoid conversation or he was starving. It was cute in a way to see such a small guy eating so quick. 

“Damn. How hungry  _ are  _ you? You're nearly done”, sighed Akihiko before placing his own fork in his mouth. Misaki rose his head up from his plate then looked down again. His face flushed, realizing he had embarrassed himself. It's not like he meant to pig out on the first date...He turned his head away once more, putting his fork down for a few seconds before picking it up again slowly. The awkward tension after that was deafening for him.

Dinner had been going a bit quiet. Aside from the teasing, there wasn't exactly much conversation going on. The author saw the connection they had a week ago suddenly disappearing, clenching his jaw. Looking at the camboy was already something good but the more he thought, the more he wanted to keep himself busy with him. There was no point in the little get together if they didn't do anything. He wanted to make it last. There had to be something they could talk about.

“Takahashi”. Catching the attention of the camboy, he leaned his head against the wall. “I was wondering, what's on your mind? You look troubled”. Misaki blinked at the man, then opened his phone to check the clock. It was past 9. Looking back at the author, he set the device back into his pocket before smiling. 

“Oh, I'm not troubled at all!”. The happy go lucky voice pierced through Akihiko's mind. “I just feel a bit anxious since I skipped work…”. The statement caused the author to have his stomach ache. He knew it was selfish to take the camboy out instead of leaving him be but what was harm in skipping one day? And...had Misaki noticed that he in fact knew what he did every two nights? 

“I'm sorry, Takahashi. We could've rescheduled it to another day and time”. 

“No, it's okay! I needed to catch a break anyway though I did have other plans…”. 

“You look awfully tired though. You have some bags”. Akihiko reached forward, tapping under the brunette's eye. Quickly, the camboy pulled away, opening up his phone's front camera to see for himself. 

“Oh, wow- I do…”. His fingers touched around the light yet dark circles, confused as to how he never noticed them before. “You're noticing more things about me than myself, Usami-san...”. 

“It looks a bit cute though, shortie”. 

“Don't call me cute then insult me, you asshole”. 

“No, I'm praising you”. 

“How?!”. 

“Oh, you know”. 

“No, I don't!”. 

“Oh, you know”. 

He shot a glare at the taller man, but broke out into a soft chuckle. The more he sat and dealt with this guy, the more he was convinced this person didn't even know him from his streams. It was somehow relieving to the brunette, who tried to finish his meal. It was a strange feeling but having fun outside of his home was uplifting. If this guy was trying to make things last, he might as well help. 

“Excuse me, Usami-san”, he mumbled. Akihiko looked at him, nodding his head in response to being called out. “What do you work as?”. 

“Why do you want to know?”, yawned the man before taking a sip of his drink. 

“Well, I was just wondering haha...You don't have to answer”. 

“I'm an author. I'm sure you've seen my novels in store windows before”. The camboy sat in silence for a bit, pressing his hand against his warm cheek. Thinking about it, when was the last time Misaki went out to a bookstore and paid attention to the novels? 

“Your face says you can't read”. 

“Hey- shut up! I'm busy all the time, y'know!”. 

“Yeah, yeah. But I do make a lot of money off my work and I love my job. It's stressful but it's fun. I do what I want and that's that”. Akihiko studied the camboy's face. His pouting face tugged at his heart again. How was it possible for someone to look so nice? He didn't expect him to be so angry and hostile over light teasing however but it somehow was a good point. 

“Hmm...I usually read manga…Reading actual books is hard for me”. 

“I can tell”. 

After moments, the brunette placed his fork down having finished his meal. Akihiko thought for a moment, taking his gaze off the other man. What exactly did this person do outside of showing off his body online? Did he have a second job? It peaked his interest more and more the longer he was near him.

“Takahashi”, he called. “What do you do for work?”. Emerald eyes grew wide, darting to the right as a means to avoid eye contact. His jaw clenched, thinking of the possible answers. Is this person seriously asking that? His legs fidgeted, his hands balling into a fist. That question alone confused him to the core. 

_ Does he... actually not know I'm a camboy?! Are you serious?! So does that mean he actually wanted to go on a date with me just for me?...  _ His heart lifted a bit, only to come back down hard.  _ Wait...but what if he does know and is just wondering if I'm doing another job…? If he doesn't really know and I just expose myself, it would go bad from there but if he already knows, what would happen? I...I can't risk just saying it… I can't deal with that shame.  _

“I'm…”. He set a wide grin on his face, facing the man in front of him in the most cheery tone he could manage. “I work at a convenience store!”. Akihiko laid his head against his hand, keeping his eyes on the other man. 

“Really, now? When do you have time for yourself if you're still a student too?”. 

“Oh, well, um, I only work at night every couple days so I use my free time to study and get ready for work in the morning after class!”. 

“That certainly keeps you busy, huh?”. 

“Yeah but I don't mind since I need to pay for everything somehow. Every penny counts, right? Haha…”. Shrugging, the brunette kept his smile wide. This did not go unnoticed by the author, noticing a pattern. He was behaving like how he was every time he streamed. Now that he was experiencing it in person, it only confirmed it. Misaki wasn't being an honest person...but why? Was it because it was their first time seeing each other after a week? Or was he planning to charm the man into having sex with him? 

_ What on Earth is he even planning?  _

“Takahashi, what's on your mind?”. Misaki looked at him, lifting an eyebrow. 

“You already asked that, next question please”. 

“Fine. Are you feeling okay? I know you're troubled but I feel like there's something else bugging you”. Akihiko leaned his head forward, resting it on each of his hands. 

“I'm really fine. Why do you care so much about me anyway?”.

“You're such a brat. It's not illegal to check up on someone, yknow”. Misaki sighed, then leaned back in his seat.  _ Now I seem like an asshole...damn him _ , he thought. 

“Today's just been stressful, that's all. I'm really okay”, mumbled the camboy. He felt the hard stare of the man, making his anxiety grow by the second. Why did this person care so much? He barely even knew him. 

“If you say so”, grumbled the author. “You just seem to be forcing yourself to sound happy and all cheerful is all”. Misaki looked up. 

“What do you mean…?”, he stammered. 

“Well first off you look really exhausted, plus you ate all that faster than expected and your tone keeps changing. Takahashi, you don't have to pretend to be all cheery. You're not boring me at all”. Those once wide eyes went dull before flaring up.

“Usami-san, I'm not forcing myself to have fun or anything! I'm really enjoying myself and it's not like I can't just go straight to sleep whenever I get home so I'll be fine!”. The brunette unclenched his jaw, turning his head slightly as he lowered his shoulders. Akihiko had seen straight through him. Of course he felt angry and defeated over that but it's not like he was trying to entertain him or anything. 

_ But he was thinking about me though...I guess...that makes me happy.  _ He felt himself smile, sighing in relief. Maybe this man really appreciated Misaki for himself after all and didn't even know about what he did as a job. That was good because it meant Akihiko was thinking about him for him, right? 

“You look cute when you smile. What're you thinking about?”, Akihiko smirked. Breaking away from his thoughts, the camboy shot up. 

“Don't call a grown man 'cute’, you creep. I just thought it was nice that you're worried about me...so um…”. Misaki's fingers intertwine, slowly moving before pausing. “Thank you, I guess…”. Akihiko grinned, his hard stare grew softer. He was surprised that things were going well. Usually when he would attempt to have a conversation, it would end up being none of his business in the end. Misaki gave off a sweet smile when it wasn't forced, and how enchanting it was. The lingering anxiety was lifting.

Looking down he noticed that both their plates were done with. It was time to pay and leave. 

“Ah!” The sudden noise made the man flinch. He looked up only to see Misaki go through his wallet, shuffling through receipts and multiple bills. “Let me pay for the food, Usami-san”. 

“Don't worry about it, I'll pay. You save your money”. 

“But you took the time to see me and you're being so nice to me and-”. Misaki quickly caught himself. Akihiko stared at him, his violet eyes cutting through the camboy. 

“And what?”. 

“And...um...I just wanna make good use of the money I make”. He stood up, moving out of the booth to the waitress who had brought them their meal. Akihiko followed and came to see that the brunette going through his wallet. Pulling out multiple paper bills, he handed it to the woman who carefully counted them. 

“I'm sorry, sir but this isn't enough”. Misaki's expression grew distressed, then he went to going through his wallet. 

“Just a second, I know I have enough somewhere-”. 

“Forget it, let me pay the rest”, interrupted the author. He handed the waitress the rest of the money who counted the rest before handing him a receipt. Misaki watched him hand the rest in and was pulled aside by the man afterwards. Walking out, the cold air hit them again. Distant car horns and the sound of the wind filled the thin air, the sky was completely starless. Misaki quickly pulled his phone out, checking the time. It was past 10 PM. They had already eaten and left the building. Did that mean their date was over? 

_ It feels like we were in there for only a few seconds...Thank God I don't have classes in the morning.  _ Misaki turned his head to face the author who was lighting up another cigarette. That night had gone better than expected. There had been many men who had taken him out to eat but they really only did it just because they were hungry themselves instead of taking him into consideration. Knowing Akihiko noticed he was unwell made him smile once more. He appreciated the thought. He was just grateful.

Akihiko blew out smoke, looking at the outside. It was dark but car lights were the one thing keeping him alert. They had finished their date and that was it. After this, what would he do? Was he just going to go back to his car, take the man with him to his car or just keep their date going on longer? The options swarmed his mind, his hands stuffed themselves into his pockets. 

“Usami…”. Akihiko felt something heavy rest on his arms, catching his attention. The camboy had wrapped his arms around his, pressing his body against it. His face was flushed again, but he couldn't tell if it was because of the cold or something else. The man looked up at the taller of the two, a shy smile decorated his face. “Let's go back to my apartment…”. 

_ Ah. _ Akihiko felt his heart freeze in place. The camboy pulled his phone out, looking up a map of where they were as well as checking the time. 

“My place isn't that far from here so let's go…I can lead the way”. Akihiko felt him release his arm, watching him walk forward. Walking beside the other, violet eyes took a good look at the man's face. The confused pain he felt was immediately replaced by just confusion as the smile Misaki wore wasn't forced. It felt genuine. 

_ What is this guy even planning to do to me?... _


	3. A little help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki takes Akihiko home after their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fingers honestly hurt after writing all this dndsnjsdnjddnsdnfjkkfd enjoy this mess (i didnt edit past aikawa and usagi's phone call because i think i might get carpel tunnel ouchie,,)

Walking into the apartment of someone you've masturbated to was certainly an interesting experience. It was dark out, the cold air was thin as ice. Putting out his cigarette, Akihiko made his way up the stairs of the building as he followed the camboy. The building seemed pretty shabby, not like the author’s penthouse at all. It was more like a motel than a hotel. The stairs creaked every time he set his foot down on a step and the complex was only two floors. The man feared that if he took one more step, the whole building would fall down. Each door was pretty close to each other which only made the author think about the possible thin walls, only adding to how run down this place must be.

_ Is this why he covers his mouth during his streams?  _  Shaking the question from his mind, he continued after the other man. His apartment door was now in front of him; he glanced at Misaki who was fumbling his keys around. A cute heart charm and a little chef looking character charm the author could vaguely recognize hung from the chain, letting Akihiko know a bit more about the camboy. He was a little dork. Visible breath came from the flushed man who turned the metal inside the keyhole, his lips still plump but visibly dried. 

_ Clack!  _

The door pushed open, Misaki's grip was firm on the knob. Akihiko walked forward but an arm was set in front, stopping him. He looked at the Misaki who wasn’t not letting him inside. He must’ve caught onto Akihiko’s confusion since he spoke up almost immediately. 

“I, um...One second. I wanna clean up a bit”, murmured the camboy. The author nodded, allowing the other to walk inside and shut the door. Standing out, Akihiko checked his phone to see it was past 11 PM now. How long had they been out together? It felt so short. Time passes quickly whenever you have fun after all and the man swore to himself to value whatever they did together as much as possible. He leaned against the outside railing, listening to the faint sound of items being shuffled from behind the door and passing cars running through the slow streetway. It all fell into white noise. 

The door cracked open suddenly, Misaki poked his head out the opening. He let out a soft smile, much softer than the one he had put on before. It made the author’s stomach and chest less tight. Inviting the man inside, he set the door out wider to allow him into his home. As soon as he took a step inside, Akihiko felt a wave of warmth hit him. The inside of the apartment was certainly neat. A heater was turned on in the corner and the whole floor was almost spotless. He and the other man removed their jackets, setting them down on a coat rack before walking in fully. It wasn’t exactly a large apartment but it was certainly a comfortable size. A kitchen was to the side with a counter as well as a stove. Next to the small space, there another door that must’ve led to the bathroom.

Next to the small cooking area was a closet door that was cracked open, almost as if he forgot to close it completely. The walls were barren however, only a window covered by a curtain aside the door was the only thing decorating the room. Besides the window, a desk was on the left of doorway. Atop of it was a laptop, an expensive looking webcam and a cheap chair. A chair the man automatically recognized as well as the wall and the bed in the back. Besides the bed was a little pile of papers, all crumpled up upon closer inspection. Violet eyes examined the area, then noticed the other in the kitchen area opening up a cabinet before looking up at the man. 

“Do you want some tea? Or maybe coffee? I only have those, sorry”,he spoke.

“I’m fine, thanks”. 

“Ah, okay! Also if you need to use the bathroom, it’s near the kitchen. You can sit on the bed too if you want...hahaha”. 

The author took that into notice, plopping down onto the soft mattress. The camboy shuffled through the cabinets, focused only on making tea for himself. The silence only set in an awkward tension. Akihiko’s hand ran itself across the blanket, feeling the fabric. 

_ This is the bed he sleeps on…  _ He kept eyeing around the apartment, studying every detail. The closet door was open enough to be able to see inside it, the lamp illuminating the inside. He squinted, making out a few phallic looking objects that were poorly hidden from sight. If he mentioned he could clearly see them, the camboy would probably lose it. Akihiko averted his eyes, looking down the side of the mattress. The papers aside the bed were seen clearly now. Each paper peaked his interest, especially since Akihiko had always seen the same pile in the background of each stream. Would it be rude to look at them? Yes. Did the author care? No. Lifting up a sheet, he felt his soul leave his body. 

An English paper with a 32% written in bright red ink with the words “Please redo” beside it. He squinted, hardly believing what he just read. He picked up another sheet, noticing the grade was even worse. A 5% with the same red ink with the same words next to it. Akihiko could hardly believe what he was seeing. English was such an easy language for him. How could people not understand it?! He cringed as he shuffled throughout each paper, looking at each one. All had terrible grades written on them, making it painful to look at. His brain started hurting as he read the work Misaki had put down barely started. There’s no way this guy could be that stupid, right? Right?... 

Akihiko’s gaze quickly shifted to the side as he saw Misaki going through his closet, not even noticing him looking through his bad work. An empty cup was on the kitchen counter; the author didn’t even realize he had already made and drank his tea. Putting the papers back down, he watched the camboy rummage through his closet before turning back to look at him. Though it was warmer, his cheeks were still red while his legs just kept on fidgeting. Emerald eyes darted back from him to the opened closet he seemed to be trying to cover up. The silence between them was broken as he began to speak. 

“H-Hey, do you wanna take a quick shower?”, he smiled. The same smile faded as he noticed that the author had a displeased look on his face, freaking him out. Did he do something wrong? He turned around, still trying to hide the inside of the opening. “What’s wrong…?”. His nervous tone was obvious as he attempted to keep it hidden, it echoed throughout the author’s head. Akihiko couldn’t let this guy just act like he didn’t even have work to do when he clearly did. 

“Takahashi”. The camboy perked up, quickly shutting the closet door. 

“Yes?...”. 

“Your grades are shit”. Immediately, the once shy look turned into shock and annoyance. He stomped in front of the man who sat on his bed, his face now a deep crimson. 

“You looked at my work?! Ugh, I knew I forgot something!”. Misaki scooped up the pile, then shoved it under the bed before shooting a glare at the man. “Why’d you look at it?! Do you just invade everyone’s privacy or something?!”. 

“Yes”. 

“You’re so annoying!”. He stood in front of Akihiko, fuming. “This is so embarrassing…! Why’d you look?! Just because something’s out in the open doesn’t mean you can just look through it! That’s rude!”. 

“I do what I want. Besides, it was right next to bed. I’m not an idiot who forgets to hide something that’s out in the open”. 

“Well- I put it there out in the open so I could look at it so I wouldn’t forget!”.

“You said you forgot to even hide it, dumbass. It’s too late to make bullshit lies”. 

“Shut up already…!”. 

Misaki’s embarrassed yet angry expression was surprisingly cute, causing the author to smirk and chuckle. He was red as a tomato but it’s not like Akihiko wasn’t used to seeing him like that. Still, he couldn’t figure out how a guy like this could be so stupid. Looking up at the camboy standing in front of him, he saw just how quickly he tired himself out as he sighed, looking away. He frowned, crossing his arms. “Don’t laugh at me...That’s mean”. That only made Akihiko giggle more, making the other man’s shoulder tense up from the awkward feeling. 

“I didn’t expect you to be such a moron. English is the easiest language to learn”. 

“Shut up! You’re only saying because you’re a big shot author. Of course you’d think it’s easy…”. He turned away, back towards the man. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to tease him right now...Besides, he did say that reading was hard for him. He stood up, walking towards the camboy before placing his hand onto his shoulder. He felt the man jolt, startled by the sudden touch. Of course, Akihiko felt bad for him. It was clear that he was trying his best. Misaki looked up at him, still looking angry but his expression was softer now. 

“Sorry, but I’m just shocked since I didn’t expect scores to be that low for a class like that”, sighed the author. Misaki swiped his hand away, still giving off an annoyed vibe. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a dummy. That class is hard but at least I try to study...Don’t make fun of me”. His cheeks were puffed out, pulling at the author’s heart. He couldn’t help but enjoy how Misaki looked. He pitied him in a sense. Akihiko was now understanding that this guy tried to do good work but failed. If he were getting this many bad grades, that must mean something is up. Yearning for more information, the author pressed on. 

“They all say that you have to redo them. When exactly do you need to get this all done?”. Misaki looked back at the man, then shrugged. 

“The end of next month. If I don’t do them, I flunk the class and I really can’t afford to pay to retake...that costs way too much”. The author lifted an eyebrow. There were so many papers and worksheets in that pile. Plus, if he still goes to school, he must be getting more every other day. If this person was this stupid, how could he even finish it all in that short of time? He had his classes, then his job at the convenience store and his cam shows. Being a working adult, the hours had to be long and his camshow and hookups must tire him out if he had to take breaks every couple of days. But clearly, he couldn’t mention the camshows or else that’d lead to a whole other mess. 

Thinking back on the date, Akihiko thought. This person was fun to talk to and he did lust after him a bit...Still, it wouldn’t feel right to come onto him into this situation. He wanted to see him again obviously. He looked back at the man in front of him, then back at the pile. 

“Takahashi”. Misaki turned his head away further, refusing to look at the author. He sighed, then went back to the pile to lift up a crumpled paper before putting his eyes back on the camboy. “Let me help you with redoing all of these and with your classes”. Immediately, the other man looked back. His eyes were lit up yet skepticism covered his face. Their eyes locked, gazing into eachothers before Misaki tore his stare. 

“Are you serious?”. He gripped his arm, still facing the man in front of him. “Are you just saying that cause you feel bad for me or something?”. 

“Well, you work and got classes to focus on. A little extra help wouldn’t hurt, would it?”. Approaching the man again, Akihiko ran his fingers through his hair, making him look back up at him. “Besides, my own work can be done fast”. 

“Wait, but it’s a lot and I don’t wanna cause you any trouble…!”, objected the brunette. 

“Relax, brat. It’s easy work for me. Plus, you need to study all you can anyway and I don’t mind coming over here to help you. I can help you redo a couple of these right now”. A look of bewilderment crossed the doe eyed boy’s face. The author cocked his head, gazing at him. 

“Right now?! But, I thought we were gonna-”. He didn’t finish the statement before stopping himself, his ears reddened.  “I- No wait, I mean…! It’s late! Aren’t you tired? It’s like, almost 12”. 

“It’s not a big deal. I finished my work today so I have an off day tomorrow so I can sleep in. Now come on, you need all the help you can get”. Akihiko sat back on the bed, pulling the brunette down with him. Looking at the sheet, it wasn’t all too difficult to understand for the author. There were a thousand misspellings of answers and even some sentences were unreadable. Just what on earth was he even trying to do? Still, if it meant being able to see him again, he was willing to put up with him. Looking to the side, he saw the other looking at the worksheet in hand as he waited for Akihiko to give him answers and advice. 

This was going to be a very long night. 

 

Akihiko came to a rude awakening when light hit his eyes. He opened them slowly, then his arm instinctively covered them. There was a warmth surrounding him and his head felt heavy. His vision was blurred from exhaustion but a sweet and crisp smell hit him as well as the sound of sizzling hitting his ears. Getting up, wiping the sleepiness out his eyes, he came to realize this wasn’t his house. 

“Ah,you’re finally up?”. The author stood up from the bed and looked across the apartment to see Misaki in the kitchen as well as a lamp that was at the opposite side of the room near the bed. The brunette’s eyes stayed focus on the pan beneath him, shaking it at times to make sure whatever he was making was evenly cooked. Stretching, Akihiko checked the time to see it was 10 AM. Did he really just spend the night here? When did he even go to sleep? The night was a complete blur aside from the memory of struggling to get the boy to pronounce words with “sh” properly. Walking up to the camboy, he leaned over the counter to see he was only cooking a few eggs, frying each one. Misaki gently nudged him away, not wanting him to get too close to the pan. 

“I’m making you breakfast since you decided to spend the night here forcing me to work. You’re lucky I actually managed to learn some stuff”. Akihiko looked back towards the bed to see the pile was replaced by two folders were stacked neatly on the floor. One was much bulkier than the other. Looking back, he saw the brunette had changed clothes already and now only wore a t-shirt, an apron and shorts. Akihiko only wore the clothes he wore last night still, making him feel a bit shabbier than he had been used to. 

“Sorry that I spent the night, Takahashi. And of course you learned, I’m the ‘big shot author’ after all”. The camboy jolted, then lowered his eyes. 

“I’m sorry…”. Smirking, the author went into the kitchen behind the counter, then ran his hand through the other man’s soft locks. Almost instinctively, the boy leaned into his touch, wanting more. Akihiko kept running his fingers through his hair, enjoying little reaction he was given. Suddenly, Misaki snapped his head away from the cold hand, then shot a glare at the author before going back to turn off the stove. 

“Get a plate, they’re in the top cabinet”, the camboy directed. Doing such, the man took a plate and showed it to the cook, allowing him to place few fried eggs on top. As Akihiko sat down at the counter, the corner of his eye caught the other man making coffee for him. Proceeding to eat, the author thought. The whole situation outside of that baffled him. Last night didn’t exactly go as expected. Taking a piece of the whites by a fork, he popped it in his mouth. The one thing he was taken back by was the fact they he didn’t lay a hand on the camboy despite how much he secretly wanted to. Instead, he just helped him with homework and passed out. Thinking back on it now, it wasn’t exactly so bad. It was better than just fucking then leaving first thing in the morning. They actually had a good time last night.

“Usami-san”. Akihiko looked towards the left at Misaki, who was setting down coffee for him. “Thank you for uh...helping me out I guess…”. His eyes shifted between left and right. “I guess I kind of appreciate it”. The author took a sip of the warm coffee, then placed it back down. 

“Well, call me anytime you decide to work on it and you can pay me back by cooking for me”, the author yawned. “Plus, I don’t mind hanging out with you more either”. Misaki looked at the man, his eyes sparkling before he attempted to hide it. It charmed the author, who was glad that the idea of them seeing eachother again made the camboy interested. 

“Um, you really don’t have to! Wouldn’t it be really annoying to come here?”. 

“Annoying how?”.

“Well you have your own personal life and your job as an author can be super busy with all that editing junk. Plus, don’t you have a girlfriend or a wife to spend time with in your free time?”.

“No worries, I’m single. Besides, it’s not like I have anything to do in my past time aside from finishing my work and sleeping”. 

“But is my cooking and all that really the form of payment you want for coming all the way here?! Isn’t there something else you want?”. 

“Not really”. Downing the rest of his beverage, the author got up and placed the empty plate in the sink, leaving the mug on the counter. “Call me whenever you feel like it. I don’t mind coming over here to help you learn some words and sentences”. Akihiko made his way towards the coat rack near the door, taking the jacket he wore last night off it. Looking back, he saw the brunette gazing at him from the counter still. 

“You’re going home?”, the camboy breathed.

“I’m going to get my car from a parking space then heading home. Next time, I’ll just drive all the way here”, the author spoke. 

Misaki attempted to hide his skepticism, giving off a sweet grin. Watching the man cracking open the front door, he saw him out before shutting the door behind him. He went towards the window, pushing the curtain as he watched the author walk down the stairs then onto the sidewalk before he completely disappeared from sight. Pulling the curtain back, the camboy walked towards his bed. He plopped onto it, pressing his face into the mattress, blanket and pillow.

He had only slept when the author had slept, which was at 3 AM last night. He remembered the author teaching him how to pronounce certain words, how certain phrases went and basic punctuation. Punctuation confused the life out of the camboy along with pronunciation yet he did learn a few bits on each subject. Still, he appreciated all the help he had gotten. It was the last thing he had expected to deal with. Burying his face into the blanket, mattress and pillow, the camboy inhaled in the scent of the man who had slept in his bed last night. His mind spun in circles, thinking about how he let that man sleep there instead of waking him up and how he, the camboy, slept on the floor. 

_ I can’t believe he didn’t even try to do anything to me...Does that mean he really just wanted to go on a date with me?  _ Resting his face onto the softness beneath him, he breathed in deeply once more.  _ If that’s the case, then does he really not know about my streams? Is it okay to keep believing that..?  _ Misaki rested his body, tired. He had completely missed his chance to make a little extra money last night to just hang out with some guy. He knew the rent bill was coming in soon and he had a day off from the convenience store that day too. The only way to make up for last night was to stream. It was all that author’s fault for wasting his time! He didn’t even get to have sex with him. 

_ Well...It’s not like I mind that he didn’t...I was going to let him touch me because I actually had fun with him outside...that bastard, he blue balled me basically! I wasn’t even gonna ask for money!  _ He gripped the sheets, shutting his eyes tight. Though Misaki wasn’t the type to obsess over any sexual deed, he was expecting to be fondled at least once during the time they spent together. It just felt strange that a person who flirted with him didn’t even try to get into his pants and even wants to see him again. Someone just so happened to enjoy his company. That was an experience Misaki barely got to feel anymore. Sure, it’s only been over a year but it’s been constant sexual activity and those few times when he thought someone was remotely interested in him, they immediately wanted to get inside him. It was routine. Anything that disrupted that routine was strange.  

However, it’s not like it didn’t make him happy that last night ended with getting English work done. It means he has less things to worry about after all. Though Akihiko kept teasing him, it’s not like he hated it either. Glancing at the two folders, one filled with unfinished work and one with what they finished, Misaki felt a twinge of irritation. If he wanted to get a decent grade in that class, he was going to have to get that man to help him again till it was all done. 

_ He trapped me with this, didn’t he? He knows that I’m gonna have to make him come over here and that I know translation sites are usually inaccurate….That jerk totally planned this.  _ Looking back at his phone, he had realized it was still early. It was best to rest for the whole day and to do what he did best at night to make up for his sudden absence. Thinking back on it, it was best to post an apology to those who had been expecting him. He opened up his personal site where many of his viewers lingered to post a status update, alerting those that he would be online tonight as well as apologizing. As soon as he clicked ‘send’, a wave of relief hit him. As long as he had fun tonight then it’s what mattered the most, no more distractions were going to bother him. Date or not, he still had to make a little extra to support himself. It’s what mattered the most. 

Turning towards the ceiling, Misaki thought about Akihiko once more. Was it really a good idea to meet up with him again? It is if he wants to get his college work finished on time. Does Akihiko really not know about his job? The more Misaki stayed on that question, the more it bothered him. Akihiko did not touch him once during that date. He didn’t make any suggestive comments on the camboy’s appearance, who purposely wore jeans that were tighter than usual to look more appealing. He didn’t even ask to do it. All that added up only made the brunette feel...at ease. 

_ If he doesn’t even know then that must mean he really appreciates me...and he wants to see me again! But…  _ His stomach had a knot in it, tightening every passing moment.  _ If that’s the case then I can’t let him know...We might just be friends right now but even so, I don’t want him or anyone else I know to figure out what I do. I can’t let him know.  _

* * *

 

Phones were always Akihiko’s greatest enemy. The constant ringing, the vibrations, it all just annoyed him. Of course he could always just cut the phone line but his editor was calling and he knew that if he wanted to live, he’d answer. Picking it up, he felt instantly relieved when Aikawa didn’t scream at the top her lungs at him. 

“Usami-sensei, where were you last night?”, she asked. Now why in the world would she ask about his personal life? That only made the man wanna call her out and make her mad but he didn’t have the energy for it. 

“I was out. Why do you ask?”, he sighed into the receiver. He sat back into his chair, leaning against it as his eyes focused on the clock. It would only be a few minutes before the cam show started that night. 

“I was wondering why you keep finishing your work earlier than usual. Have you been seeing someone?”. Akihiko heard her giggle from the other line, trying to hide it from his ears. 

“Not exactly...I’m just finishing my work because I feel like it”, he claimed. “Don’t worry. I’ll go back to doing my work last minute and being late just like you want”. 

“Don’t you dare! I’ll break into your home and choke you if you even think about it!”, the woman threatened. “It just doesn’t feel like you...y’know…”. 

The author blinked, tapping his fingers on his desk. “What do you mean?”. 

“Well, I’m just so used to getting angry at you every week over this. You always don’t even try but now you’re just doing it all so fast. I know you’re a genius and what not but you usually only do these types of things when something comes up. Did something happen?”. The author looked at the clock that was present on his laptop screen. Then the hands that once tapped stopped. 

“Aikawa, I’m fine. I’ve just been seeing someone like you said but it’s nothing romantic or anything. I’m just helping them out and I’d rather get work done so I don’t have to worry about it later”, he explained. “Nothing more”. Her breathing was steady from what he could hear. He might be rude to her but Akihiko really did value her as a friend as well as his editor. Hearing her give off a small, breathless sigh, he let her continue. 

“If that’s the case then I guess it’s okay…”. 

“Are we done here now, ma’am?”. 

“Don’t call me ma’am;I’m not that old”. 

“Okay, ma’am”. 

“Fine, sir”, she chuckled. The phone call ended as soon as she uttered that, leaving the line completely soundless. Looking back at the time, he had noticed it was already past time to check out the stream. He was late to it now. Damn that woman. 

Quickly, he logged into the site but now using another account. The camboy had found his original and it was risk to keep using it in fear of being discovered. As soon as he signed in, he typed in the young man’s username to quickly join his stream. This time, he wasn’t going to use an anonymous number. It was a pointless feature now and thinking back on it, the camboy seemed to give the non anonymous users more attention. 

As soon as he tuned in, Akihiko’s eyes, as always, were set on the camboy. He wore a loose fitting t-shirt that was tucked into a pair of tight looking jean shorts. From what he could see, Akihiko could make out that Misaki wore white knee socks with two red stripes on each one. The tightness of the shorts complimented the obvious bulge, as well the camboy’s fidgeting legs rubbing against each other. 

There were about 40+ viewers in the room, many having conversation with the man streaming as well as giving small tips. The author could hear the camboy giggle, keeping his happy go lucky persona as he read each message. Looking at the chat, there were multiple messages asking where he had been the other night. Misaki smirked, covering his mouth slightly before answering them. 

“I’m sorry, hehe. Someone took my out and I really couldn’t say no…”, Misaki beamed. Multiple donation pop ups appeared at the corner, catching the author’s attention. The usual demands popped up, but the camboy didn’t exactly pay them much mind. His fingers spun through a piece of his soft brown locks, twisting it. His lips had light shining off of them, noticeably wet as he quickly licked them. 

Akihiko couldn’t help but find the appearance of the man on stream arousing to him, his pants getting noticeably tighter by the second. It felt wrong to watch his streams now that he knew him but then again, they were now only going to see each other when it came to getting his college work redone and that would be that. Hearing the boy on screen chuckle and make snide remarks excited him, but he couldn’t help but turn the volume a bit down despite the fact he wore earphones while being the only one in the penthouse. 

Lilac eyes suddenly caught the attention of a donator that tipped much more than the others. A donator that wasn’t him. It wasn’t exactly a lot but it was a significant amount more than the others which clearly pleased the camboy, who had been biting his lip. His face flushed a bit, before he looked down at his screen. 

“Thank you for the tip, sir. Hold on for a bit”, he said roguishly. Standing up, he went away from his monitor and in the background, Akihiko could see him open the closet door in front of the bed. As soon as he returned, it was clear he was holding a sex toy in his hand. Quickly, the donations came on but each person was paying him much more than usual and begging him to use it on himself. 

As he unzipped his shorts and pulled them off, Akihiko felt a bit irked. Someone paid more than everyone else and now everyone is suddenly paying more than usual. His eyes locked back onto the camboy who had begun to finger himself, covering his mouth with his free hand as he inserted a finger inside. Slowly pulling in and out, he went at a steady pace to prepare himself. Moaning into his hand, he slipped a second finger inside. This time, he thrusted his digits harder, stabbing his prostate repeatedly. He winced from the sudden shocks of pleasure, in slightly pain from how hard he was going. Not even noticing, Akihiko had already begun stroking himself to the camboy on screen. Rubbing his length, he turned the volume up to listen to the small noises the brunette made. 

He wanted to hear his sounds the camboy made but his mouth was covered, making it difficult to hear what his real voice sounded like. As he pumped his erection, he suddenly got the idea of sort of...one upping the person who had paid more than the rest. Quickly, he sent in his donation that was just a little bit more than what the other man paid. This time, however, he had demanded for the brunette to remove his hand so he could let out his voice. 

He was knuckle deep as he spread his fingers just a bit inside him, widening himself up. He jolted, continuing to touch himself before looking at the screen once more. Immediately, he hesitated. His eyes darted towards the right, glancing at the thin wall. Slowly his hand came off from his mouth before he proceeded to finger himself once more. Now with his free hand, he proceeded to rub himself as he tried to contain his moans. 

“A-Ah…! I’m…”, he panted. “I’m sorry, the walls are...thin-ah..!”. His voice cracked a bit before he ran his hand up and down his cock faster. After a good minute of self pleasure, he pulled his fingers out. Misaki panted for a second, then raised his hand to grab the object with the hand he had used to prepare himself with. It was a soft blue colored dildo with a handle that came with a suction cup at the end, with small bumps on each side. The camboy adjusted his position, spreading his legs outwards so each viewer could see. 

He pointed the head towards his hole, shutting his eyes tight as he slowly pushed it in. His let out a tiny groan, trying his best not to cover his mouth. Akihiko’s hand pumped faster as he listened to the noise Misaki made. Then, a sudden small scream startled the man. 

“AH-!”. Without realizing, he shoved the whole head of the item inside causing him to jerk up in shock. Without thinking, his hand shoved the rest inside with as much force as before. His attempts at silencing himself had failed. He couldn’t help but gasp and moan as he tried to keep his volume low as best as he could. The author got aroused at the amount of loud noise he was beginning to make, continuing to masturbate to the camboy as he shut his eyes. Misaki began thrusting the dildo in and out of himself, using his free hand to lift his large shirt upwards with his wrist as he pinched his right nipple. He squeezed the soft pink nub, twisting it as he thrusted the object in and out of himself. 

Akihiko opened his eyes to see the camboy rotating the object ever so slightly as he eventually lost control. He pushed it in further, hitting his prostate hard each time. He rubbed his nipples with his free hand, keeping his mouth open as he breathed in hard. The author eyed the little tip pop ups, now only giving the usual small amounts. He felt at ease until he noticed the same person as earlier pay in a large amount. Though the camboy was busy at the moment to even notice, the author felt irked once more. He felt as if, no, he knew he had to one up them. Something about someone paying the camboy more than he had just angered him. Quickly, the author went to the tip option and submitted his payment that was just a bit more than what the other person. But this time, he added another request. 

The little notification sound interrupted the camboy, who paused to read what the author had put down. Immediately, the camboy’s already flushed face grew a tint more red. 

“You’re a pervert like the rest, aren’t you...ah…”, he moaned. Misaki removed the toy from inside him, then placed the suction cup onto the sturdy chair. “A-Ah!...”. He lowered himself deep onto it, making sure to keep his balance before he proceeded to ride it. He panted each time he bounced, using both his hands to keep himself steady. Akihiko felt his hand moving on it’s own as he played with himself, watching and listening to the camboy. A sudden highlighted question came into the chat, catching the author and the brunette’s eyes:  **“Do you like the feeling of knowing that there are a lot of people watching you do this?”** .

Misaki licked his lips, thrusting himself down and impaling himself hard as he tried his best not to lose balance. 

“Y-Yes…! Ah! I do...It feels good..! Mm-!”, he gasped. His speed increased, as well as the movement of the author’s hand. Though he knew it was just a fake personality the camboy put on, Akihiko found it difficult to figure whether he meant certain things he said or if he just said them to allure the viewers. Either way, it aroused him to no end. He was close to his climax already. 

Increasing his speed on the rubber, Misaki removed one hand and proceeded to stroke his member as quickly as possible. The violet eyed man managed to sync up their hands, wanting to cum at the same time again. The moans and gasps, combined with the sounds of flesh hitting against the thick plastic and rubber and the sight of the camboy drowned in lust brought the author over the edge. A hit of relief hit him as his cum spread out all over his hand, coating it. A loud moan erupted from the stream, as Misaki came just a bit after the author did. His seed squirted out, coating the desk in the thick substance as he rode out his orgasm. 

* * *

As soon as the stream ended, Akihiko cleaned himself up. As he exited the shower, got dressed, he was ready to head to bed. Opening the door to his room, he got under his blanket after he placed his phone on the desk. He laid his head onto the pillow, breathing slowly as he began to drift off to sleep. He felt at peace that night...that was until his phone vibrated, startling him.

He wiped the sleepiness out of his eyes, turning his phone on as the bright light hit him. He had gotten a message from none other then the man he just jerked off to. Checking his messages, he felt a sudden twinge of joy light up his heart. 

**“Hey Usami-san, can you come over tomorrow afternoon? Just text me whenever you feel like walking into my apartment. I wanna work on some more stuff tomorrow if you’re not busy. Thanks!”**

Another day, another chance to see him again. 


	4. A silent car ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko comes over to assist the camboy with his work. Throughout the day, Misaki slowly realizes many things about how he feels towards the author.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to come out, writing interactions is hard. But here's an update to those who read this,,

“Can you not do one problem on your own?”, Akihiko sighed. He sat on the bed, growing irritated by the second by the brunette who couldn't understand a few phrases of English. A cup of coffee wasn't enough to ease his headache.

“You know how slow I am, you jackass”, whined Misaki, fiddling with his pen as he stared at the paper. He was close to the author, their knees touching as they sat side by side. “Spelling is hard and these letters are so weird...I don't even need English. I'm going to live in Japan all my life...”. He glared down at the crumpled paper before he laid back, flopping onto the soft mattress. His legs were spread somewhat, his knee still touching the man's. 

“Get up. You misspelled half these words and I can't even read what half of these sentences say”, grumbled Akihiko. He had been dealing with the student for more than 3 hours and they had gone through at least 2 papers, both taking a long time to complete. This person who was annoying. He was physically attracted to the doe eyed man but his patience wore very thin. For someone so appealing, he was extremely aggravating to deal with. Looking back at the sheet, the author reread each direction before looking back at the camboy. His eyes traveled to his soft face, his lips very soft and round. His expression wore annoyance and drowsiness, not wanting to deal with the English work he had failed. It was 2 PM, a decent hour for them both but the worst hour to deal with each other. 

“You just have to write a small constructive response on this topic and then you'll be done. Get up so you don't have to deal with it later and so I can go home”. Misaki's furrowed his eyebrows, then turned his head before puffing his cheeks up to pout. It was clear he was exaggerating his expression this time but the author did find it amusing. “Hurry up”. 

Accepting defeat, the brunette got up and looked at the paper. He eyed the sheet then shot a few glances at the man beside him. Taking the sheet from the other's hand, Misaki began to write his answer before Akihiko stopped him. 

“Hold it, your spelling is off”, he pointed. 

“Ugh, really? This is why I hate this language…”. 

“Yeah, yeah. Just change the 'i’ to an 'a’ and make sure it's lowercase”. Taking the advice, the camboy redid it. Rereading it, the spelling and grammar was slowly beginning to make a bit of sense. His hand moved with the pen, writing more and more. Akihiko didn't dare stop him as he watched him, entertained by his persistence. After several minutes, the camboy set his pen down before he handed the sheet to the man. Taking it, the man read and could spot a million mistakes. This time, however, he could make sense of what was written...kind of.

“So...how is it?”, murmured Misaki. Akihiko removed his glasses, wiping them off as he glanced at the man who sat next to him. 

“Well, you have a lot of minor things to work on but you did well”, the author stated. Misaki's eye squinted as his mouth raised slightly, his frown looking a bit funny to the man. 

“I can actually read this and understand what you're trying to say. You got grammar and spelling all wrong but unlike your other work, I can still read it. So good job”. Misaki's eyes shifted before he looked away, scratching his cheek. 

“Oh...okay then…”. He took the paper back from the author who put his glasses back on. Misaki kept his focus on the page, staring it down as he bit the inside of his cheek. Akihiko smirked. “So which words do I need to work on, Usami?”. 

“Those right there…”. They spent hours getting as much work done as possible. Akihiko had to reteach him multiple times on certain parts, getting frustrated each time. Misaki grew annoyed each second he could hear the man's tone get sour. Still, he appreciated all the help he could get. It was still hell to get anything done, sure, but as long as it was finished then it's all that mattered. Eventually, after another painful hour, the two have noticed they went through at least 2 more sheets. Akihiko looked at the man, who seemed very content with the progress. Seeing him again was an interesting experience. 

As the brunette stood up, checked the clock, he looked at the author. 

“Well, I think that's enough for today right?”, he yawned. He stretched out of his arms, shaking them lightly before facing the man. Akihiko stood up, setting their completed work down to be placed in a folder later. It was 3 PM. Misaki went towards the kitchen space, going into the fridge before looking up at the man. “Are you hungry? I can make you something”. Akihiko leaned against the kitchen counter, tilting his head back to look at the camboy. 

“Hm...Any options?”.. Misaki shifted through the fridge, occasionally glancing at the man as he attempted to keep his focus. He bit his lip, chewing on it lightly as he pushed his messy hair back. 

“Hmm...I can make you some soup or make you eggs...I can cook some fish too if you want with some rice”, he offered. 

“Fish sounds good”. Akihiko set his eyes on the camboy who was busy taking out his ingredients, examining his looks. He was incredibly average and his clothes didn't do him justice. He wore sweatpants as well as a baggy t-shirt, wearing mismatched socks. His hair had a few clips in it, showing his forehead though his hair still got in his face. He looked sloppy but to Akihiko, he found it a bit charming. Seeing him look so casual felt so weird but still, it was nice. 

Akihiko's eyes then traveled the counter, which had a few objects set on top of it. A few clean plates stacked on it, a cutting board and a picture frame. He walked closer towards it before picking it up. There was Misaki and another man...someone Akihiko recognized fairly well. He looked at the photo then back at the brunette. Then looked at the photo again. 

“Takahashi”. 

“Hmm?”. 

“Is the person in this photo with you Takahiro?”. The brunette looked up from the stove he now stood in front of, a pleasant shock covered him. He slowly poured oil into the utensil, quickly putting it down once he finished. 

“How do you know him…?”, Misaki questioned, a bit of anxiety covering his tone. The author set the frame down. 

“I went to high school with him. He's actually a friend of mine. We haven't spoken much ever since he got married though”, he explained. “Are you related to him?”. 

“Oh, yeah… I’m his little brother. He's so busy with work and his wife that he hasn't been able to contact anyone actually”, Misaki sighed. Placing a fish into the pan, he turned on the stove before looking back at the man. “I never would've guessed you two knew each other, Usami. The world really is small. You even call him by his first name….”. His voice trailed, his eyes rushing back down towards the pan as he picked at the meat inside. 

“Should I call you by your first name too?”, Akihiko smirked. Misaki immediately looked up, frowning. 

“No way, that's weird. I barely know you”, he grumbled before flipping the fish over, letting it sizzle. “Then I'd have to call you by yours and that's even weirder”. 

“Dummy, it'd be weird if I called you by your last name while I call your brother by his first name”. He leaned in then flicked the camboy's forehead, causing his to step back and give off a small pained sound. “You don't have to call me by mine, Misaki”. 

“Ughhh. You're so annoying but I guess I can't stop you...”. 

“Good. Besides, we’re going to be seeing each other a lot so we might as well get comfortable”. As he focused on the meal he was preparing in front of him, Misaki stirred the inside making sure it was evenly cooked. 

“Now that I think about it…”, began the brunette. “I think I remember niichan talking about you sometimes. Usually he’d come home from school or from work and mention a ‘friend’ of his constantly clinging to him or something like that”. Akihiko perked up, turning to look at the other man. 

“Well, I guess that must’ve been me since I hugged him constantly”, the author chuckled. Misaki glanced up at him before adding salt to the pan, looking down now. 

“I didn’t think you would be so close to him. I’m kinda shocked you two even know each other, especially since I’ve never really seen you before…Then again, he did get slumped up with multiple jobs so he can’t really afford to introduce me to any of his friends or anything”. Misaki shut off the stove, then looked to the side for a moment. Quickly, he opened the fridge, then the cabinets before sighing. Akihiko cocked an eyebrow before the boy spoke again. 

“I think I ran out of rice so will just fish do?”, asked Misaki before taking out a plate. The author nodded, watching the boy cut up the meat as soon as he set it on the plate. As he began eating, Akihiko looked at the camboy once again noticing he was taking the pins out his hair, allowing his bangs to settle down. He didn't look much like his friend from high school. Takahiro's face was sharp while Misaki's was much more round. He probably still had his baby fat. His hair was much darker compared to Misaki and his build was wider. Takahiro was more on the handsome side as Misaki was on the cute one. Either the brunette was underdeveloped or Akihiko was just seeing things. His eyes kept darting back from the photo to the camboy, who began to leave his line of sight. 

Looking down, the silver haired man realized he had already finished eating. It was surprisingly delicious for being such a simple meal. The breakfast he made the author before was good too so maybe getting free food from this guy wasn’t a bad idea. In the corner of his eye, Akihiko spotted Misaki going through his closet. He had a towel in hand as he pulled out a shirt, pants, underwear and socks out from the inside before he looked at the author. His green eyes looked back at the open door then back to the person in his home.  

“Hey, Usami. Do you wanna go out after I shower…?”, he asked. A timid grin decorated his face as he kicked one leg behind the other. Akihiko thought for a second. He had already finished minor work on his schedule so there wasn't much to do that day. What could hurt from hanging out with a tiny brat? Setting his fork down, he nodded. The anxious expression of the camboy faded to one of limited joy. He shut the closet, then immediately shuffled his way towards the bathroom before shutting the door. 

Being acquaintances with this guy wasn't bad. He did know his brother after all. Akihiko rose from the counter, then made his way towards the soft bed. The faint sound of running water filled the apartment;drops hit each corner of the home each time they hit the bathroom floor. The man listened closely, hearing the neighbor’s T.V come through the thin walls as well as the sounds of passing cars accompanied by loud conversations from outside. This was an entirely different experience from Akihiko’s own home life where he could only hear the sound of his own typing constantly as well as his own breathing inside his own house. Other than that, he could hear deafening silence. 

_ I guess I could get used to this setting...I wonder how long that guy showers for.  _ Lilac eyes wandered around the area, embracing the neatness of the apartment. It was way cleaner than his own home, that's for sure. Maybe he could convince Misaki to come over and clean for him. Akihiko giggled at the thought. It’d look kinda funny to see that guy run around his whole penthouse trying to clean the mess of it. He let the idea sit there in his head for a good minute before pushing it out of his head. His mind then set back at the current situation going about.

_ Where should we go out to? Is this a date?  _ He laid his back down, resting his head on the soft pillow below. The faint smell of shampoo covered it, welcoming the man as he nuzzled his head. Akihiko thought and thought of the man who was just in the bathroom, getting ready. Did he have any plans on where to go? Is there anything he'd want to go in particular? The author couldn't think of a place he was interested in visiting. Surely Misaki had already thought things through.  

As he looked back towards the kitchen, the sound of water still filled the apartment. It calmed his nerves, his breathing getting much more even. Akihiko took in the peaceful atmosphere, enjoying it until he would have to get up and go out with the man.  _ I could get used to this... _

* * *

 

 

“This is an interesting date”. The taller of the two pushed a shopping cart, staring at the camboy who focused on a small list in his hand. The store wasn’t exactly crowded but it did have a good deal of people. The clean light gave off a very organized atmosphere;the author could hear the many distant footsteps, squeaking carts as well as the squeals of children that poor mothers had to deal with. Akihiko wasn’t exactly put off by the thought of the other man dragging him to a grocery store however. 

Misaki turned to him, irritation decorating those mossy green eyes of his. 

“Don’t call everything we do a ‘date’. I realized I ran out of some stuff when I cooked for you and I need someone to lug the cart around”, he grumbled. Misaki led the way throughout the area, carefully examining each item he found before putting it in the cart. Seeing the brunette completely focused on buying such simple things entertained Akihiko, who was used to him being completely zoned out while working. For someone who can’t read a paragraph of a book, he sure can read tiny labels on a can. They made it into the area that stored the vegetables and fruits, the author’s eyes traveled in curiosity. He had never went this far in a public store. 

The author only ever ordered everything he needed online, usually getting whatever he asked for handed to him within several hours. It wasn’t often that he’d been in a shop to buy something other than a water bottle for the road, cigarettes, and maybe a few other things. It was only a while ago that he stepped in further to just waste his time. Now that he thinks about it, he met the camboy in person that day too. 

As his eyes wandered the area that was riddled with commoners, his eyes suddenly met with the commoner he was with who seemed a bit interested in him. 

“Why do you keep looking around?”. The brunette held a radish in his hand, examining it to make sure it was good of quality before placing it in a plastic bag. Then he lifted another, doing the same action.

“I’m not used to these types of places”. 

“What, the store?”. Misaki leaned his head over, not believing the author. Sensing the doubt, Akihiko side eyed the man. 

“I don’t need to come to these types of places because I always buy whatever I need online”, he explained. “I only come here to buy small things unlike you”. The brunette walked towards the cart to place the vegetables inside, then looked at the taller man. 

“You really are a rich kid…”, Misaki sighed. 

“Rich man”, corrected Akihiko.

“Whatever, come on”. Misaki walked forward, the author following. As they made their way into an aisle, Akihiko moved the cart closer to the camboy until they were side by side. Once he looked down at it, he examined the little seating area behind the handle bar. 

_ I wanna ride this thing _ . Almost as if he read his mind, the brunette snapped his head back almost to say “Don’t”. Akihiko quickly took that look in before witnessing the camboy walk further so that he was directly in front again. 

Misaki made his way through the store, occasionally looking back at his “guest” to make sure he was still with him. He didn't need much from the store aside from food and maybe some toothpaste (Honestly he kept forgetting to brush his teeth). His list didn't have much on it so it shouldn't be a lot to carry to the car he was driven in. Thinking about it, he should really pay Usami for the gas he has to use up. 

Guilt bottled up inside him though it was light as air. He didn't like that he was depending on someone he only met a week or so ago to help him with homework he should have fixed a long time ago. The fact he was even still doing college work must look like a major embarrassment. Still, the author was kind enough to help him and it's not like he didn't hated seeing him. It was nice to have some company while he redid it and if being with Usami meant he'd have a shot at passing, then he'd be with him as long as he needed.

That man was such a weird person. He seemed all nice and mature when he first gave Misaki his number but now that he’s been near him for longer than 10 minutes, he was very unpleasant. He had no patience and his calm tone was just so irritating after awhile. Plus the constant teasing got on his nerves. Still, it was better than doing work alone and getting nothing done.

The cart suddenly stopped. They were just near the toy section and it seemed like something had caught the author's eye. Noticing the sudden halt, the camboy looked back to him. His head was turned towards the aisle, Misaki backed up to him to see what was wrong. 

“What're you looking at, Usami-san?”. Akihiko quickly looked at him, then let his eyes move once more. 

“There are some bears over in that corner”. The author pointed towards the inside of the aisle, before taking the brunette by the arm to pull him towards it. At the very end, there were about two or three stuffed bears that were deemed under the clearance stock. Misaki stared at them then looked back at the man, who started taking each one as quickly as he could. 

“So you're into toys, huh?...”. 

“You could say that”. 

Akihiko made his way back towards the cart before dropping each bear inside, pleased with himself for collecting them first. He set his violet eyes back on the brunette before shifting his focus back at the cart. It was already full of what the shortie could grab. He pulled out his phone, checking the time. It was already 6 PM but it didn’t even feel like they’ve been in there for that long. Catching on, Misaki pulled on his coat sleeve. 

“I think I got everything...Let’s go”. Nodding, Akihiko pushed the cart towards to where the check out area was as he let the other man follow from behind. 

Leaving out the shop, Misaki saw that it was already dark. Winter had always irritated him, especially with how the day works. He didn’t mind the cold too much though. Holding the plastic bags filled with goodies, he made his way to the author’s expensive car.

The red shine and the expensive looking wheels made him feel much more poor than he really was. Stuffing each bag into the trunk, he looked back to see Akihiko placing each bear into the back seat before buckling them in. It looked a bit silly but Misaki wasn’t going to judge. It was a bit cute to him oddly enough. He couldn’t help but smile a little bit before covering his mouth so the other man couldn’t notice. Finishing up, Misaki shut the trunk, then made his way to the passenger side of the car as he hopped in. 

Akihiko started up the vehicle, quickly looking at the gas meter in the small corner near the steering wheel. The arrow was far down;he had to stop at a gas station. Sure it was an inconvenience but it meant more time with Misaki. 

Looking at the brunette, he noticed the soft pink hue covering each cheek of his face. His eyes focused on the outside as the night sky seemed to grow darker each second. As the man backed up the car, he drove out the lot towards the busy road. 

The car ride was silent. Too silent. The only sounds to be heard were of passing cars that zipped past and the wind hitting the metal. He batted his eyes at Misaki, the inner car light making him visible. Misaki rested his head against the cold glass of the frozen window, his chocolate locks sticking to the inner frost as it was pressed. His emerald eyes locked onto every passing car and his breathing was slow. The author could hear it clearly though it was barely audible. He put his focus back on the road, noticing he was almost at the gas station. Suddenly, he heard a small shift and glanced to the side, seeing Misaki fidget his arms about. 

“Usami-san”. Akihiko quickly gave his attention to the man, then looked forward. 

“Yes?”. 

“It’s dark”. 

“It sure is”. Well that's one way to break the silence. He stopped at a red light, he could feel Misaki's gaze fall onto him. Something was on his mind still.

“Um... Usami-san…”. Misaki fiddled with his fingers, then looked away to hide his hidden anxieties. Akihiko could sense his discomfort easily. 

“What is it?”. The camboy bit his bottom lip, then looked at the man once more. 

“W-Well, um, I'm sorry this is a stupid question but I keep wondering...do you like men…?”. Akihiko turned his head. Wasn’t the answer obvious? Did he HAVE to tell him? It was certainly out of the blue but he knew the man had no ill intent. The light was still red as time felt slow. 

“Define 'like’ please”. 

Misaki huffed, leaning back onto the window. 

“Y'know...Are you into them like  _ that _ ? I just wanna know”. The light went green, the author drove forward into his thoughts.

“Hm...I am. I always have been interested in men”, the author stated as his eyes stayed focused. His grip tightened on the wheel to the point where it stung his skin. “And you?”. 

Misaki looked at the man, his eyes wide open at the sudden shift of focus. He put his gaze back to the window to avoid eye contact, picking at his fingernails. 

“Um...well, I, uh...I guess...but I like girls too even though I never dated any…”. He let out a nervous chuckle, grinning a bit. His smile was certainly cute, the author had to give him that. What an odd conversation to have but then again, it was one way to break the ice.

Akihiko pulled up into the gas station at last, driving to the pump area before stopping. He looked at the brunette, noticing the light flush of embarrassment decorating each cheek. 

“So does that mean you've been with only men?’, he asked. Misaki had his palms on his lap, gripping the fabric of his jeans. It was clear he was in a panic...but why? Did he make him uncomfortable? 

“You don't have to answer, I was just-”. 

“I never had any relationships with anyone!”, interrupted Misaki. Startled by his own outburst, he covered his mouth. He was certainly loud in more ways than one, the author thought. He lowered his hands, still covered in a soft panic. “Sorry...Have you ever gone out with a woman? Or a man?”. 

Silence took over again. Akihiko had no idea how to respond. Was that man in the passenger seat lying? Thinking about it, hook ups weren’t exactly romantic so it wasn’t exactly a lie. For the author, however, he has had his hopes up far too often. Every relationship ended within months, weeks, days and maybe even hours. Maybe that was an exaggeration but it sure felt like it only lasted minutes sometimes. 

And it stung.

Discomfort stuck to the air. Only seconds had gone by but it felt like hours. Every moment only reminding Akihiko of the tolerable loneliness he had felt. Still, it wasn’t anything to cry about. 

He’d never cry about it. 

“I’m sorry…”, murmured the camboy, gripping his jeans ten times harder. Akihiko suddenly came back to reality, taking his hands off the still steering wheel. “I said something a bit too personal, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable”. The man unbuckled his seatbelt but kept his back against the seat. 

“No, it’s fine”, he began. “I had to think for a moment”. The answer calmed the nervous passenger;Misaki’s hands loosened from the awkward tension. However, his grip stayed firm. “Besides, I asked you personal things too. I might as well answer what you have”. 

“No, no, it’s okay! It really is…!”. The camboy giggled unconsciously, causing the author to smirk. 

_ Cute.  _

Without realizing, he chuckled along with Misaki. The tension slowly melted away, bringing over the sweet sense of relief in both men. As he came down from the light laugh, he looked at the camboy.

“I've never had a real connection with anyone who courted me”, Akihiko began. “I've been in love multiple times but it always ended so soon”. Misaki tilted his head to the side, his bottom lip twitched. “I’ve usually gotten into fights with the other person...They usually ended badly but I'm over it all”. 

“Ah, that's not...good…”, Misaki grumbled. “No one has really confessed to me and I've always been too shy to ask anyone out myself, guy or girl. I could never imagine fighting...that would mean the other person would hate you...right?”. Akihiko stared at him, his jaw was tightly clenched. 

“I suppose. I've cut contact with those people however”. Peering down, he noticed Misaki's hands gripping onto each other for dear life. Fidgeting and grabbing whatever he could must be making his fingers sore;plus they're red. It looked painful. 

“I'm sorry things don't always go well, Usami…”. 

“It’s okay. I'm just not the best person in the world”. Seeing Misaki tense over this conversation irritated Akihiko. Seeing him uneasy just felt wrong.

Without hesitation, the author turned his body towards the other man. Then, without thinking, he reached a hand out and pressed it against the tense ones of the brunette. His hands were warm, unlike Akihiko's. Startled, Misaki jumped back yet kept his hands put. The cold flesh against his felt...good. 

His eyes locked onto the freezing hand against his own, taking in the sight as the man gently nudged his fingers onto the soft flesh. 

“You don't have to be so nervous, Misaki. You're gonna hurt yourself if you hold your own hand too hard. Your skin's red from it”. Almost immediately, he pulled his hands away from each other as he left Akihiko's hand still lay on top of his right. 

His hand gently stroked Misaki’s, attempting to calm in. 

“I...didn't notice, U-Usagi”, he stuttered. Akihiko blinked in confusion, lifting an eyebrow. Misaki lifted his eyes, confused at the sudden silence. Then, after two to three seconds, it hit him. 

“No, wait-! I mean Usami! I meant Usami!”, he corrected as he took both his hands back. His face flushed before he covered it. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize!”. His hands weren't nearly as red as his face now. His body turned away from the author, cringing at his own mispronunciation. 

Akihiko couldn't help but laugh at the brunette's own mistake, especially since he was overreacting about it. It was pretty adorable to him though. Misaki was just fun to look at to him. This caused him to glare in the author's direction.

“Don't laugh at me, you asshole!”, Misaki pouted. “It’s your fault for catching me off guard!”. Still giggling, Akihiko looked at the pouting man who's cheeks were puffed unconsciously. Then, an idea came to mind. 

“Well, I guess I'm Usagi now”. 

“Shut up, I don't know half the stuff I say most of the time!”. 

“Quiet, you're gonna make people outside think we're fighting”. Misaki tried to argue but the man quickly ruffled his hair, catching him off guard. It did it's tricks though. It made the loud boy go silent instantly as he let the cold fingers graze his scalp. He was like an animal, getting pet always calmed him down. An interesting observation. 

“Well”, Akihiko began, pulling his hand away. “I'll go inside and pay for gas. Stay in here”. He cracked open the car door, then shut it hard as he left. Misaki was now alone for however many minutes. 

The inner car light was still on, making the darkness outside somehow stand out. The windows were clouded from the cold air now, it was difficult to peer out unless you wiped them. 

_ I should pay him back for gas...I made him waste it on getting me to the store faster _ , thought Misaki. His hand that the author had touched felt cold. 

_ He's an asshole though! He laughed at me cause I said his name wrong...but I guess 'Usagi’ is an decent nickname... It's better than being formal and saying his last name. Plus he already calls me by my first name too so I should call him what I want!  _ Misaki folded his arms as he leaned back into the seat, taking in the silence. Then he quickly went into his pocket and took his wallet out. 

He only had a few bucks on hand but it should be just enough for gas. Looking up to the windshield, a worker walked past the sports car then towards the pump next to the car. As they pumped gas into the vehicle, two questions popped up. Why wasn't the author the one to do it? Was he still inside the store area? 

Thinking about today, even though he got mad, Misaki actually had fun. There were 3 bears in the back, all buckled in. He didn't know why Akihiko had gone through that trouble but it was a little cute to the camboy. He wasn't much of a stuffed animal person but he wasn't gonna judge the man for enjoying them. It was a little silly that he actually put each in the backseat like they were children but it wasn't in anyone's right to laugh. 

_ Usagi... _ Misaki chuckled.  _ That name doesn't suit him at all! He's a weirdo though...so maybe it does.  _

The sudden sound of the car door opening startled him, making him jump in his seat. Akihiko sat back in the leather seat but now he was carrying a drink. It had one of those clear spherical tops you could look through as well as a red straw coming out with the opening. The brunette shifted his head, attempting to examine it before the author pushed it into his hands. 

“Here, take it”. 

“O-Oh, it's for me?”. The cup was cold, a few water droplets decorated the exterior. 

“I felt like getting you something before I drove you home”. Misaki looked up at him, blinking once or twice before he looked back at the beverage. 

“Thank you but you really didn't-”. He couldn't finish his sentence before the man patted his head, keeping him quiet. As he started up the car and drove back into the road, Misaki drank what he was given. It was sweet and icy, a surprisingly good combination for him. 

They drive was silent aside from the soft, slow breathing of the author. Misaki rested his head onto the window, slowly drinking. It was quiet but it was... different. Glancing at Akihiko, Misaki could see a content, relaxed shine in his violet eyes. It was soft. Soft like the comforting silence, making Misaki smile. 

That person driving is annoying and a smartass but to his surprise, Misaki began to really appreciate his company. 

* * *

 

As he stepped out the car at last, he saw the author step out too. Akihiko made his way to the back and opened the trunk door, taking each grocery bag in hand. It wasn’t much but they were a bit heavy, a couple were double bagged. He planned on carrying everything up to the brunette’s apartment since each bag was surprisingly heavy. If he let him carry it all himself, he’d start ranting about sore arms. Before he could make it to the stairs however, Misaki ran in front of him.

“Usagi-san, you don't need to carry that for me! Go home!”, he demanded. The cold yet now half empty cup was still in hand, but Misaki didn't care. “You've done enough for me today, let me carry my own things”. 

“Oh, so you're owning up to your mistake now?”, the author teased. 

“Shut it. I can call you what I want!”. 

“Then why not call me by my first name?”. Misaki paused, thinking for about 3 seconds before shaking his head. 

“No way. That name makes you sound too professional”. 

“That totally make sense”. 

Misaki groaned, reminded of how frustrating the author really is. He stomped to the man, grabbing a bag from the man’s hand. 

“I’ll just carry this one then”. Akihiko smirked, accepting that as he watched the brunette make his way up the stairs. He followed behind, silently laughing at the camboy who stumbled up the steps. Finally reaching the door, Misaki dropped the single bag he had carried down as he fished out his keys. He opened the door after fiddling with the lock, tossing the bag inside and faced the man who had been carrying the rest. He took his wallet out, glancing at him a few times as he took out multiple bills. 

“How much was the gas?”, he asked. Akihiko squinted. 

“Misaki, you don’t need to pay me back for gas. It’s my car”. 

“No, I made you drive me up when I could’ve walked”, Misaki argued. “I...I just don’t wanna trouble you so…”. The author stared at him, not understanding. The camboy noticed this and got frustrated with his own lack of better word. 

“I mean-! Just take it! You bought me a drink too when I didn’t ask too!”. Without speaking, the man walked past him. He went inside, placing the bags he carried onto the floor before walking back out. Misaki furrowed his eyebrows, biting his bottom lip.

“Keep your money, idiot”, sighed the author. “I drove you and bought you that because  _ I  _ wanted to. Don’t get so worked up”. Extending his hand, he pushed the brunette’s palm down with the money still trapped. “Keep it. You need to pay for college and food so don’t waste it on paying me back”. Akihiko took his phone out, checking the time. It was 8 PM. As he peered up from the device, he noticed the other man’s mossy eyes locked onto it before turning his head upwards to the author. 

“Usagi…”. He smirked at the timidness of the camboy’s voice. It was obvious he had nothing left to argue with, meaning the author had won. 

“Well”, he began. “I think that’s it for me then”. Strangely, Misaki looked up with pure confusion in his eyes. Ignoring this, Akihiko stretched his arms as he let out a soft groan. “I’ll head home now”. 

He walked past the brunette, then made his way towards the stairs. As he was about to make his way down each step, his attention was quickly grabbed. 

“Wait-!”. Misaki zoomed after him, nearly tripping as he pulled onto the author’s jacket. Akihiko turned his head to look at the young man. What could he want? That question was quickly answered. 

“U-um…”. He quickly let go and lowered his hand. He was tense again. 

“Misaki, I told you. You don’t need to pay me back-”. 

“That’s not it!”, he blurted. He startled himself and the author this time by the sudden loud outburst. He gulped, shaking his head. “Well, I...I was just wondering...um…”. 

“What is it?”. A growing concern came over the author who noticed that he hated seeing the camboy get so anxious without telling him. “Are you okay?”. 

“I’m fine! I was just wondering if...if...you could text me...sometimes...even i-if you have no reason to…”, Misaki mumbled. Akihiko’s eyebrows lifted. Though he was barely even audible, the man knew exactly what he was saying. His chest felt ten times lighter as he looked at the nervous brunette who fiddled with his fingers. His face red from embarrassment and nervousness. His attention was suddenly brought back as he felt the man ruffle his hair out of the blue, making him look up. 

“You’re so weird, Misaki”. He grinned, running his fingers through the soft locks. “I will. You don’t need to act so worked up”. Releasing the strands from his fingers, he turned back to the stairs and made his way down, raising his hand up in order to signal his goodbye. 

Misaki watched the man make his way to his car and drive off. When he was finally out of sight, a sigh came out. He turned and made his way back to his apartment, shutting the door as he walked in.

Immediately, adrenaline ran down as he collapsed onto his knees in the doorway. He was exhausted but somehow he didn’t mind. The day had been long but in a way he didn’t mind. A sense of accomplishment came over him. Though he had help, Misaki managed to do more of his work. And...he actually had fun talking to Akihiko all day. 

The brunette lifted his right hand in front of his eyes, examining it. It had been the one the author had rested his own on. It still felt cold yet somehow, a warmth came from it. He found it to be comforting, touching it with his left. 

Shopping bags cluttered the floor, the kitchen was filled with dirty dishes he had neglected to wash and his bed needed to be made. Plus, he had to figure out what to do for his next camshow. 

None of that mattered however.

His slushie was still half full and his hand slowly grew in warmth. Those were the only things that mattered. 


	5. His praise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki works at his convenience store job, excited to talk to Akihiko once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS IS LATE AS HELL  
> but im gonna try to update for often so those who actually read this have something to look forward to

It’s been several weeks since the two men have been meeting up, Akihiko assisting then getting frustrated and Misaki getting irritated but learning little by little. They’ve both been keeping in touch since that car ride however, slowly growing more comfortable with each other. 

At first, the messages were very empty. Only being of one sentence each and then getting one word responses, only natural if you’ve just started speaking to someone regularly. Each time Misaki dared to send a message, his heart beat went completely crazy. Sure, he was pretty extroverted and had no trouble making friends but the thought of messaging the author made his heart heavy. 

First there was the embarrassment of accidentally calling him “Usagi” and then there was the embarrassment of making typos. The nickname stuck but the awkward feeling stood tall as he misspelled words on the daily. Akihiko would often call him out on his errors in a particularly rude way, correcting him over text. Misaki chose to ignore those but it was annoying as all hell. The short responses and awkward messages only annoyed him more. 

The more time that passed however, the more comforting each message felt in a sense. Each time they would meet up to get to work, they had decent conversations. Of course there was the teasing and the petty arguments but there were those times Misaki managed to get a question right and improved. 

Those times were his favorite moments. If he managed to write out an entire sentence, a difficult word, didn’t confuse two words for each other, or anything, he was rewarded in a simple way. 

Akihiko would ruffle his hair, always praising him. A simple “Good job” or “Very good” always did the trick. It a very small thing but the camboy couldn’t help but feel ecstatic each time. Getting praised just made his day all the way better. Obviously the author noticed yet he still kept his touches to a minimum. Oddly, Misaki craved to have those slender fingers through his hair a lot too. How weird...

Even so, their friendship grew stronger. It was especially evident in their messages to each other as the time went by.   

A simple one word response grew into a sentence. A simple sentence grew into multiple and the more time passed, the more their conversations evolved. Instead of talking about trivial matters along with speaking about what time the author should come over, they began speaking about each other's days, their plans, how they were doing. 

The most surprising thing about it was that Misaki was having fun. He would only get messages from clients wanting to pay to see him privately, classmates asking about work, and so on. It was the usual routine to reply to them or just ignoring them completely. He felt nothing towards them. 

Each time his phone vibrated, he sighed. Another message from a creep or a virgin, asking for explicit photos. Another message asking to meet up but followed up by the usual “I don’t have money on me though”. Another message starting with “Hey, you’re cute <3”. It was a pain. 

Plus there were those time where some even tried to get with him romantically. Misaki didn’t mind getting into a romantic relationship at all, but he felt very undeserving of one. Especially with the work he does but still, it’d be nice to be able to hug and kiss someone once in awhile. It’d be nice to talk about personal issues as well as pointless topics to pass the time. 

Sadly, those times where a client would try to get with him were just a waste. They’d always say something incredibly insulting that’d ruin everything in one shot, complimenting him, throwing small talk at his face and then immediately asking him to send photos of himself. Behind every compliment was another crater of uncalled for lust.

He didn’t mind flirting. It was only when he was interested was when it all backfired. 

Getting a notification always meant the worst. Playing with his heart in such a way always hurt, even though Misaki had no emotional connection with any client. It only aggravated him each time his phone would vibrate, knowing what type of people sent him something. 

Now though, each time his phone shook, his heart jumped. He immediately retrieved his device, quickly turning it on in excitement each time. 

The thought of even getting a message from Akihiko made his heart race yet he couldn’t figure out why. Was it because he was the first friend he’s made in awhile? Probably. Still, texting him made him feel overjoyed, way more than he should. He’d rather talk to him than reply to strange men he barely knew. It was nice to have a real conversation with someone for once. 

Misaki stood behind a counter, looking off to the side every few seconds. It was a work day. He stood in the convenience store, bending over the hard counter as he rested his elbows and placed his hands onto his chin. Business was extremely slow, especially since it was a Tuesday. Everyone was either at work, in school, or anywhere else. The brunette wasn’t complaining though. 

He had already gone to his classes, which were extremely early. He was (mentally) tired and sleepy, the quiet atmosphere of the area keeping him cool. It was the afternoon already, but the sun was still up as it cut through the front windows. The peace of the empty store almost kept his mind steady….Almost. 

His bag was beside his feet, in it were standard things: Notebooks, a laptop, his phone (He was supposed to keep away from him as he worked the counter), a couple english books he bought to teach himself (Though he still had no clue how to read them) and a paper, one that meant the most to him right now.

It was a quiz paper that was returned to him just today;he had completed it a few days ago. 

His heart was racing every second, thinking about it. The assignment was a very standard one and it was obvious he usually didn’t do so well on them. This time however, the usual F or D had changed to a solid C. When he saw it, he was shaken. His professor even wrote a little side note that read: “Nice improvement” in bright red ink as usual. It wasn’t exactly a compliment since it was just an observation, yet the brunette didn’t care.  

Was Akihiko’s tutoring really helping? Yes. Was he gonna show Akihiko? Absolutely. It was only a little bit till it was breaktime which made him more excited than he thought he was. When the clock hit, he was immediately going to tell him. 

His fingers tapped against his cheek and chin, his feet fidgeting. The camboy didn’t realize how hyped he was to tell the author that his grades were improving till just now. It was only a small change but it was something. Something worth celebrating to him at least.  

_ How should I even tell him about it? Maybe call…?  _ He bit his lip, glancing at his watch every few moments.  _ What if I just run straight to where I think he is to show him the paper? No, that might be a little weird…  _ Sighing, he turned away to look at the small area he was enclosed in until he would soon exit. 

Just before, he felt cautious around that person and was even weirded out when they didn’t jump right into bed together. It was such a bizarre experience yet here he is, getting excited over telling him about his grades. 

_ What am I doing getting so giddy? I’m a grown man still in college, getting bad grades when I should be doing more...I mean...It’s my last year but whatever. I bullshitted my way through every other year...Niichan would be so disappointed if he figured out I didn’t work hard...I have Usagi to worry about now too.  _ He felt his nails dig into his flesh, surely leaving a faint mark. 

_ Why does it matter if that asshole knows I’m still a dunce? It’s not like a C is any better than an F…But...I guess it’d be nice to let him know...He’s fun to talk to once you get past his boring side. We’re friends after all… _

A sudden twinge of happiness hit him. 

_ Yeah...we’re friends... _

The sudden “ding” from the door being opened immediately broke the brunette from thought. He quickly flipped right around, putting on his best employee smile as he shut his eyes to greet the customer. 

“Good afternoon, welcome!”, he grinned. A still silence took over the area before a familiar voice caught the camboy’s attention. 

“I forgot you worked at this type of place”. Misaki immediately opened his eyes to be greeted by the author, who stood right in front of the counter. The camboy jumped, backing up a few steps before standing still. 

“Usagi-san, where did you-”. 

“Obviously I teleported here”. The cool tone was covered in a familiar sarcasm, making the employee pout. 

Akihiko smirked, taking in the sight in front of him. The simple uniform suited Misaki;he wore a collared red shirt, thin black pants and a little black cap. Though it was pretty normal looking, it did poke at the author’s heart a bit. Especially since Misaki looked so small. 

“Hey, what’re you looking at?”, he asked. Akihiko looked down at the man in front of him, keeping his poker face. 

“Nothing. I was just thinking about how cute you look”. The immediate flustered reaction from the brunette made the author grin, chuckling at the annoyance in those wonderful emerald eyes. 

“Ugh, you’re irritating...I’m working too”.

“By working, you mean just waiting here till someone walks in, right?”. 

“Shut up”. Misaki blinked, then looked at his watch again before looking back up at the man, who kept his gaze locked onto him. “Why’re you here anyway? Shouldn’t you be annoying someone else, Usagi?”. 

“I came to buy cigarettes. Grab me a pack from behind you”. Misaki sighed, turning around to unlock the cabinet that housed each pack. 

“Is there a particular kind you want or…”. 

“Grab me that one”, Akihiko pointed. Snatching the small pack, Misaki quickly shut the cabinet before locking it. As he faced the author once more, he was immediately greeted by a hand touching his as it took the pack. The slender fingers brushed against his right hand, startling him. 

_ His hand touched mine again… _ The brunette felt a wave of softness slap his whole body, his shoulders beginning to slouch.

The touch of the author made him feel...safe. What a weird feeling. Misaki took his eyes off the man to look at the counter beneath him, collecting the thoughts he had swirling in his head. 

Akihiko, however, didn’t notice as he pulled his wallet out before pulling out a couple of bucks to hand to the brunette. Putting the cash in the register, he took a look at his watch again.

_ Ah.  _

The time had finally come and now that the author was in front of him, now is the perfect time. 

“Misaki”. He perked up to set his eyes upon the deep violet pair that gazed at him, making a breath lodge in his throat.  

“Y-Yes?...”. 

“You should be on break soon, right?”. Misaki quickly leaned down and scooped up his bag before stumbling back up. 

“Actually, I’m on it right now! Good timing, hahaha...”. The author looked at his own watch before looking at the brunette. 

“Do you want to-”. Akihiko was immediately cut off by the sound of phone blaring, making him squint in pure annoyance. He quickly took his phone out to check the caller ID before looking back at the camboy who seemed somewhat anxious. “Sorry, let me take this really quick…”. The brunette nodded shyly, looking back at the bag he held in his arms. 

As soon as the man pressed the green option on his phone, Misaki immediately felt uneasy as he heard the caller through the speaker. It was muffled but he could still make out the voice on the other line. 

It was a  _ woman’s _ voice. Misaki knew it would be rude to stare at the man who was in the middle of the call yet he felt oddly curious. This person on the other line was delaying him time to show off his improving grades. 

Akihiko had a frustrated look on his face as he heard yelling through the other side. Whoever was on the line, she was really loud. The taller man held the phone to his ears tapped his foot, occasionally looking back at the brunette. He listened in on the receiver before sighing.

“I already completed what I had to do, get the hell off my case”, he ranted. His tone was harsh, startling Misaki who had been used to calm and collected voice. “Don’t call me when I’m on my own, I don’t wanna deal with you right now”. 

The backtalk resulted in the woman on the other line yelling even louder, making the man lean his head away from the device. Whoever she was, Misaki could only assume that she didn’t have a very good relationship with the author. 

That somehow made him relieved, but that uneasy feeling still shot through his stomach. The tightness in his throat only remained. He felt his hands grip hard against the bag he held, not daring to open it until the man was done.

Akihiko stepped away from the counter, catching Misaki’s attention. He made his way towards the door before shooting a look behind him to look at the man, lifting his finger up to signify that he was going to come back. As soon as he left the store, Misaki could see him through the front windows making his way to the side. He stood directly in front of the glass, clearly speaking into the phone as he made many frustrated gestures. 

Misaki dropped the bag down, not daring to move from the spot behind the counter. He tapped his fingers against the counter. There was a bitter taste in his mouth.  

Why did he feel so frustrated suddenly? His body felt heated, burning his hands and ears. Sure, he was all eager to show off his improving grade but still...it’s just a phone call. 

Still, it was taking time away from his break. That has to be a reason why it’s annoying him every second. 

When the hell was he gonna get off that damn phone? 

The sudden ding of the door opening caught Misaki’s broke his attention away, making his heart leap out his chest. He looked up, only to see his coworker coming inside.  

A man came in from behind, venturing around the store. Immediately, the other employee lifted an eyebrow, as to say ‘Why’re you still here?’. Misaki got the message, awkwardly shuffling out from behind the counter. 

His eyes took to the window again, seeing Akihiko on the phone still. He took his bag over his shoulder, inching his ways toward the exit. Just as he made it close to the windows, he froze. 

He couldn’t help but stare at the man from behind the glass. Akihiko was so absorbed in that conversation, nodding and opening his mouth to talk. Misaki couldn’t hear anything going on but it didn’t exactly matter. He was more drawn to how angry he looked. 

The furrowed eyebrows, the almost soulless eyes and the way his fingers gripped the side of his jacket. The author looked intimidating, to say the least. Passerbys using the gas station or just walking by kept looking in his direction before turning their heads, knowing it was best not to even look at the man for too long. 

Would it be okay to walk up to him while he was irritated? Taking a look at that menacing aura, it’d definitely be death trap. It didn’t stop him as he walked out the front though. The cold air immediately hit him, making a shiver rush down his back. He hated winter the most out of every season.

He turned to face the silver haired man, muttering to himself as the now person on the line was much quieter. He could only hear quiet muffles.  

Misaki walked up to the taller man, staring up at him as he had the urge to tug on his sleeve to remind him he was still there. Akihiko glanced at him, motioning his hand up before looking back at his phone. 

“Anyway…”, he yawned into the receiver. “I have to talk to you later, I’m in a rush”. The woman on the other end raised her voice again. Misaki could barely hear what she was saying before Akihiko hung up before shoving his phone back in his pocket. The camboy squinted. 

“Um...Who were you talking to? And why were they yelling?”. 

“Oh, it was just my editor”. He sighed. He turned to face the brunette, who still seemed in question. “She was yelling at me because I hand wrote something and turned it in”. 

“Wait, so you wrote it instead of typing it…?”. 

“What do you think, genius boy?”. Akihiko smirked at the irritation that flashed across those mossy eyes. He certainly did get a kick out of teasing him, but the annoyed expression quickly morphed into one of startlement, making the man go into question. 

“O-Oh yeah…!”, the brunette breathed. 

Misaki quickly stumbled, digging into the black bag he carried and shuffled through it, muttering before pulling out a slip of paper. It almost blew out his hand, the cold winds were particularly strong that day. His rosy cheeks looked so icy to Akihiko. 

“I, um…”. The camboy set his bag down onto the concrete, looking up and locking eye contact between him and the man. His expression was somewhat...needy in a sense. Akihiko could tell he was nervous, yet he seemed excited. 

However, those eyes of his held a new gaze. One of yearn. 

“Usagi-san, I got a test back…”. Misaki quickly shoved the paper into the author’s cold hands, then almost hopped back as to get some distance right before going back to being right beside him. 

Akihiko studied the paper. It was a clear C, written in bright red ink. Numerous questions were marked wrong, yet a fair amount was left untouched. There was improvement. He looked down at the man below him, who’s blush was very visible. His head tilted away, he bit his lip. His eyes looked right up at the man before immediately going back down, trying to hide. 

He knew exactly what Misaki wanted now. 

The author reached his hand down, ruffling the soft hair of the brunette. Almost instantly, Misaki leaned his head upwards into the man’s hand. He ran his fingers through the locks of hair, gently scratching his scalp every so often. It had only been a few moments yet seeing the man Akihiko knew had done dirty things do something so sweet made him grin. 

“Good job, Misaki”. 

The brunette fluttered his eyes open, before the hue on his face grew darker. As he took his hand away, Akihiko could hear a small whine yet didn’t acknowledge it. Misaki felt happy. Way too happy that he first thought. He stepped back away, covering his mouth to hide his smile before the author got his attention once again. 

“Misaki, do you…”. The sound of the entrance of the store opening made his voice trail off as he saw a man come out, slowly eyeing the camboy from behind as he left into the parking lot. 

“Do I what?”. 

Akihiko looked back at the man, sighing before looking at his watch. 

“Do you want to have lunch with me?”, he asked as he walked towards the parking lot. Misaki followed. 

“Y-Yes! I do! Don’t go on without me-”. Akihiko turned back, pointing towards the store. 

“Don’t forget your bag”. The brunette stopped, looked back and gasped. He quickly ran back to grab it, tripping over his feet as he made his way back towards the author. He managed to get up, only to see the man giggling. 

_ This idiot...so cute.  _


	6. Bruises and Bandaids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki texts Akihiko much more often and is suddenly feeling very happy whenever they talk. One night, before he goes to bed, he gets a message from a fan who had gotten him number who wants to have a little fun with the camboy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this one took forever to write but aaa here's chapter 6! There's misaki x random dude in this chapter though and a little bit of violence (Nothing too graphic) so read at your own risk. It has a happy ending though i swear  
> Also uhh for the texts, the ones are the left are usagi/random dude and the ones on the right are misakis

Today had been a handful for the camboy, who let out shaky breaths as he turned off his computer.

The room was drenched in a cloud of darkness, only his screen lit up the room before. Performing in front of an internet audience was somehow harder than he originally thought, especially since he had to force himself to be somewhat “cute” or “sexy” in order to make some form of income.

Having already finished refunding those who sent more money than he thought he deserved, he relaxed against the chair he sat upon. Misaki’s mind felt like it had been dragged through rough pavement.

He had always had a bad habit of rejecting gifts whether they were cash or something bought specifically for him.

Ever since he was a young child, he had to depend on his older brother for proper care as he was forced to play the fatherly role ever since their parents passed. Takahiro had always stressed, juggling between working multiple jobs, school life, and taking care of him. Money had always been tricky between them, especially since their parents weren’t exactly rich either.

They had always been close. Misaki constantly clung to his brother's leg, always whined to him, depended on him for comfort. Their mother was a working woman, barely coming home some nights and their father constantly babied Misaki. They were comfortable until the family got torn.

From an early age of 15, Misaki had finally realized how awful it had truly been to Takahiro.

The intense guilt of knowing Takahiro had spent money on him for goods other than food and bills suffocated him. He didn’t _deserve_ anything. He didn’t work hours on end and study hard. He didn’t sacrifice a fun high school life, college, friends, free time, and comfort to take care of someone other than himself.

He was the reason their parents died. Why did Takahiro buy whatever he thought Misaki would like? Why did he give him lots of pocket money? Why did he bother when Misaki could do nothing in return?

He has now only a few goals in his life because of this. To pay back Takahiro for everything he has done for him, to be someone deserving of money, and to get through on his own by the fastest way possible.

Though...sex work did manage to pay the quickest, getting anywhere over 15$ threw his stomach into knots. Sure, viewers get off to a skinny short guy but the fact they give him any somewhat large amount made his head hurt.

The feeling of accepting so much felt gratifying yet he always found himself refunding and only keeping a small bit, or nothing at all.

If Takahiro had to suffer with low pay, then he should deal with it too. It was only fair...right?

 _Right..._ Misaki bit his lip, then peered down at his barely covered body, legs still shaky. Beads of sweat stuck his his neck, chest, thighs, arms, and legs. It made the stockings he wore immensely more uncomfortable than they already were, especially due to the itchy fabric. Drops of semen made a little pool on his tummy as well as staining the fabric of the underwear that hung off his thigh.

Taking a look out the window, Misaki could only assume it was late as all hell. He sighed as he picked up his phone, then turned it on to see a couple of message notifications.

The poker face he wore quickly lightened as soon as he saw who the sender was. Every message from Akihiko somehow made his mood get better. A non-perverted message was always welcomed.

 

**Misaki, did you slip some money into my pocket**

**when we went out to eat? (1:54 AM)**

Misaki chuckled to himself.

**Maybe...is there a problem? (1:56 AM)**

Moments went by in a slow motion. The camboy had his focus onto the phone screen, awaiting a reply from the author. Those little moments always got him excited.

They had eaten lunch together that day during Misaki’s break at the convenience store. Somehow that time together made his heart rise with ease.

It was so nice to have a real friend. It's true he has a few classmates he can bond with but they didn't exactly invite him out to eat anywhere.

Someone like Akihiko was a nice change.  

**You know you don't have to**

**pay me back. I was treating you. (1:58 AM)**

**Its your money though. You don't need**

**to pay for all my meals (1:59 AM)**

  ***It's (1:59 AM)**

**Stop correcting me you asshole**

**I know which word to use (2:00 AM)**

**Sure you do. (2:00 AM)**

 

Misaki giggled, pressing his palm against his mouth gently. He stood upwards, still carrying his phone as he began to check himself out in a nearby mirror. Akihiko always teased him yet somehow the brunette couldn't help but enjoy it somewhat. It wasn't exactly cruel bullying since it was always in a playful manner. He couldn't help but love it in a way.

 _Yeesh, I look like hell..._ He yawned into his hand. He walked towards the closet to pull a couple of towels out, then he made it towards the door at the far end of the kitchen. Before he entered the bathroom, he felt his phone vibrate. Surely enough, it was another message from the author.

**Hey, Misaki. Are you tired right now? (2:05 AM)**

 

He lifted an eyebrow. It was 2 in the morning and Akihiko _knows_ he had classes and worked. How could he not be tired?

**Lol yeah**

**Why wouldnt I be? (2:06 AM)**

**You've told me you work at night sometimes. Is it**

**hard on you? You seemed busy today after all. (2:08 AM)**

**Well, I've been working night stuff more often now**

**since theres more demand...I'm sleepy (2:09 AM)**

 

Misaki cracked the bathroom door open, then headed towards the shower. He pulled off the stockings he wore, freeing the soft flesh beneath them while he peeled off his underwear. He tossed them aside as he turned on the cheap shower head, waiting for the cold water to turn warm.

Work has been getting much more tiring. The views have been increasing rapidly and loan papers have been mailed to him as well as rent bills.Everything was bound to crash down on him eventually.  

Camshow work and the part time job were the only things saving him. There was no way he'd ask for help at this point. There was no way he was going to be specific with Akihiko either. There's no way he can tell him.

The camboy looked at his phone again.

**Are you going to bed? (2:10 AM)**

**No I'm gonna shower brb (2:14 AM)**

 

Stepping into the enclosed area, the tension and stress melted off his shoulders when he relaxed. The soap he poured onto his loofah was a pale pink, the scent of strawberries gently attached itself onto his skin.

He firmly scrubbed his arms, then went towards his under arms. Then to his legs, thighs, chest and so on. The steam collected towards the ceiling and on the outside of the shower, creating its own sauna.

 _Usagi-san always texts me at night too now…_ Misaki rinsed the soap off his body, embracing the pure warmth of the water. Then poured shampoo into his hand. _Come to think of it, what exactly are we? We're friends right?_

He dug his nails into his scalp as he scrubbed the shampoo into his locks of wet hair.

_We went on a date the first time we met but now he's my tutor...He's not that much older than me either. I guess since we didn't do it that means we're nothing to each other._

He opened his eyes for a second before shutting them, wiping the shampoo water away from his face while he stumbled, splashing a bit.

_No, no, no! We're not nothing! He's my friend now since it obviously didn't work out! Now we talk to each other as friends! Don't get any wrong ideas! He's a jerk anyway!_

He tipped his head, letting the water run down his head to remove it of all the suds and filth. Those mossy eyes opened ever so slowly.

He watched the water go down the drain;the echo of the pipes stayed in harmony.

_Still... Usagi-san is kind...I like hanging out with him._

 

The brunette flopped into bed in only a t-shirt and his boxers. The weight of exhaustion finally came completely crashing down. He was ready to pass out then and there until he reached for his phone. 4 new messages.

3 were from Akihiko. The other was from an unknown number.

Of course Misaki opened Akihiko's messages first. He was the top priority.

**I was wondering if you needed help with your English work.**

**I can swing by tomorrow and I can make**

**sure we get most of it done. (2:16 AM)**

**Don't you need to study too? (2:24 AM)**

Misaki smiled to himself.

**Maybe but I have to work tomorrow night too**

**so you can't stay for too long (2:39 AM)**

**Will do. I’ll come by at 6.(2:40 AM)**

**Shouldn't you be heading to bed? (2:40 AM)**

**Yeah I should**

**Goodnight Usagi (2:41 AM)**

  **Wait (2:41 AM)**

 

Misaki raised an eyebrow.

**Nevermind. Goodnight (2:42 AM)**

 

A sigh came out. What a weird guy.

All that was left was to check the other message. Somehow it made him anxious despite he was completely used to unknown numbers.

The possibilities were that it was a bot scam, a wrong number, or he had given his number out recently.

He thought for a moment. The only person who he cared to give him number to was Akihiko. If it was the other options, then he'd have to check the message to confirm. It wouldn't exactly hurt.

Tapping the message, he wasn't exactly pleasantly surprised.

**Hey, I was in your store today and got your**

**number from your coworker.**

**How're you doing? (2:48 AM)**

 

So many red flags went off in his head. Is this guy ever serious?

 _You've got to be kidding...Creep._ Misaki reread the message a few times just before building up the courage to respond.

**Um okay. Do I know you? (2:50 AM)**

  **No but I watch your videos and streams lol (2:50 AM)**

 

With that explanation, much of the tension died down. It was just a fan. Still, a sour taste littered the inside of the camboy's mouth that was too tough to swallow.

 **Oh haha Is there anything you want?** **(2:51 AM)**

  **You're really cute <3 Is it cool if we can **

**schedule something tomorrow? I have**

**some money if you want (2:52 AM)**

 

The faint taste of blood hit his tongue while he bit his lip hard and licked his lips.

**No sorry. I’m really busy tomorrow (2:54 AM)**

  **Yeah right lol with what? Come on**

**I said i’ll pay you (2:55 AM)**

**Im still busy i have classes and work we**

**can do it another time (2:55 AM)**

  **Come on just skip one of those i’ll give**

**u the money up front (2:56 AM)**

 

 _Annoying...I have to see Usagi-san tomorrow too...go away._ He was already tired and sleepy but at this point, he was getting aggravated.

Still though...he did need to make that month’s rent and to save up to pay back Takahiro. It wouldn’t hurt to skip one afternoon class if it meant getting paid and having a little “fun”...But would Akihiko get angry if he found out?

Teeth bit and chewed down on a nail he had brought to his mouth, debating over it.

_I have to get a decent attendance or else I’ll get in trouble...And my exams are coming up...Usagi-san will get angry if he found out I skipped...so would niichan...I need to work too! This isn’t fair!_

He felt the lump in his throat strangle him, though he still breathed. There was only one other option left.

_If I cancel on Usagi-san, will he be mad? I need this to pay for the rent and for niichan after all...he’ll understand! He has to!_

The nail he had bitten had been chewed right off, he spit it onto the floor.

**Fine. i can meet up at like 6. (3:00 AM)**

**I’ll text u whenever im done and when im ready (3:00 AM)**

  **Okay see you then (3:02 AM)**

 

Right then and there, a sudden hit of guilt shot him in the head and the wave of exhaustion dragged him right down.

 _Ah...I’m sorry, Usagi-san..._ The world grew fuzzy as he finally shut his eyes.  

 

* * *

 

 

Akihiko stood at the front door, irritated. The sky had dimmed yet the honey color still let light through. He chewed onto the inside of his cheek, looking at his watch every few seconds.

He clearly remembered telling Misaki he was going to be there so where was he? He already knocked several times.  

It was about 6:45. He had been there since 6:20. Of course maybe Misaki was still working or was late but the author would had appreciated if he were to message him about it. In fact, he hadn’t received any message since last night.

He felt a little distraught but he could give the camboy the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps his phone died or he was too busy. Still, Misaki was always home at this time. It all fell way too strange.  

Akihiko attempted to turn the doorknob multiple times but of course, it was locked. No choice but to either wait out there or to leave.

 _I don’t really wanna go...I drove all the way here._ He leaned onto the door, lighting a cigarette before putting it in his mouth.

He had grown very fond of the man. Though he expected simple things, he did end up enjoying the camboy’s company. Akihiko wasn’t very sociable so he found happiness through speaking to someone other than his editor or bosses.

There was still some attraction he had to Misaki but to his notice, it had been dying down. The intense lustful feeling upon seeing him was growing weaker. He still thought he was pretty cute, not exactly handsome but still easy on the eyes.

Those previous feelings were changing. Akihiko was happy with every interaction he had gotten and though he was a bit hard on him, he had fun helping him out. Still, he wouldn’t mind fucking him but he felt much more caring towards Misaki.

He just felt happy next to him. Nothing more. His only friends were his editor, Aikawa, his old childhood friend and Takahiro despite the fact they rarely communicated nowadays. Misaki was the first one where he could speak of whatever came to mind.

It was nice. Akihiko really did love it. He always grinned whenever he teased him. Those cute little reactions were so entertaining to him. He enjoyed it so much.

He wanted to see him again. It was important for him now.

 

* * *

 

 

“Watch your fucking teeth”, demanded a man. Misaki felt somewhat fearful, but extremely aroused due to what he was currently doing. The floor was clean but there were marks all over it by those who get enjoyment out of vandalism.

The whole bathroom was empty aside from him at the fan who had contacted him. His tongue was wrapped around the man’s erection, licking it before engulfing it in his mouth and bobbing his head. His knees ached as they were digging themselves into the hard floor.

Saliva ran down his chin, his eyes shut tight as he moved and breathed in his musk. As he worked, he used one hand to feel his own dick and the other to message the man’s soft, yet hard balls.

The heavy hand of the man pushed misaki down, forcing him to deep throat and making him gag. Nonetheless, he still continued to lick and suck as best as he could as he felt the same hand begin running his fingers through his hair.

It felt...dissatisfying.

Misaki rubbed himself, then pulled himself away from the wet cock to breathe, then running his tongue against the tip. Precum slowly oozed out yet there was a lot of it. He licked it up wherever he could, touching himself in the process.

“Hey. Put it back in your mouth”. Misaki flinched at the hard tone but remained obedient, taking it back into the wet cavern though his jaw ached.

Instead of continuing on his own, he suddenly was pushed down as his mouth was now being thrust into. He instantly gagged as he looked up then shut his eyes. A soft moan was let out as he was pushed further, frantically licking.

The back of his throat was constantly struck, causing him to gag and attempt to move back. However, he was forced down again as the sounds he made were muffled.

Getting face fucked in a place like this wasn’t exactly the ideal way to spend an afternoon. He gripped the area surrounding him, not wanting to slip yet his knees, though they were covered, dragged against the hard floor.

The thrusts stopped as soon as a bitter, salty taste filled his mouth. As the man came, he held Misaki’s head tight, not wanting him to move away. He let out a muffled sound, attempting to push away and as soon as the hands around him loosened, he shot back. He nearly fell over but caught himself.

Cum drizzled down his chin as he brought his hand to his mouth. He attempted to swallow but immediately gagged. The clear fluid slowly dripped out his mouth onto his hand before he coughed, causing more of it to spit out.

 _Ugh...ew...Way too bitter...I should’ve just said no…_ , he thought. Misaki hadn’t exactly cum at all yet despite jacking himself off. He was aroused but he was not exactly feeling it. Still, he continued to rub himself on the door as he avoided the gaze of the man. He wiped his mouth, spitting every few seconds.

“Hey”. The harsh voice caught Misaki, making him look up to see the intense glare being shot at him.

“I thought I told you not to spit it out”. The camboy winced, bringing his hand up to his chin. He still faced the man but kept his eyes away.

“O-Oh, I’m sorry-”. 

**_SMACK-_ **

Misaki’s head went off to the side. The man’s hand was lifted before it went back down.

His cheek ached;the stinging pain made it feel as if it were throbbing. It was hot, burning in a way. The senses were tingling in the most unpleasant way possible, the tears welling up in his eyes while his hand shakily rose upwards to touch his soft, red cheek.

“Ow...”. A few tears ran down his face and he sniffed, wiping them. He’d always been sensitive to any physical pain despite the fact he knew he should have been used to this by now. It ached.

 _This is annoying…At least ask me if that’s okay first._ Misaki rubbed his eyes but then felt his forearm getting grabbed as he was forced to stand. Those strong hands then grabbed his hips, making him sit down onto his lap and then lifting his shirt upwards. He laid multiple kisses onto Misaki’s soft chest, licking whatever he could.

“Mm..”. He moaned, bringing his hand up to muffle any sound. This was going to be a rough time.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been standing there for awhile, sir”. Akihiko looked to the side to see a woman come out the next door apartment. Her face wore one of concern as she shut the door, locking it. The sky had dimmed.

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just waiting”, Akihiko replied. He puffed his cigarette, exhaling the smoke into the cold, thin air. “I’m waiting for my friend to get back. Have you seen him?”.

The lady looked at the door then back at the author.

“I’ve seen him leave to go to his college courses this morning”, she yawned. “Then he sorta rushed back to wear his work uniform. He seemed pretty uneasy”. Akihiko raised an eyebrow.

“So...Did he return back by any chance?”.

“Nope. He’s been gone since but I usually hear him slam the door open when he gets back. Weird guy”. She turned away and then made her way towards the stairs before descending.

Akihiko checked his watch. It was now 7:35 and the sky wasn’t exactly bright. Where on earth was he? Did anything happen to him? The man clenched his jaw.

He was good at waiting but the fact Misaki wasn’t here at all made the man’s stomach sink in. Had he been standing here for so long? Now that he thinks about it, his feet did hurt but he wasn’t just going to sit down on the dirty concrete.

 _Where the hell is he? I’m not here for nothing after all. I’ve got no messages from him either._ There wasn’t anything to do out there. He had already checked off anything he needed to on his device. All he could do was wait. He was bound to see Misaki again anyway.

However, everything felt...off.

Akihiko felt strangely protective of the brunette. Knowing how tiny he was, he could easily get hurt. Or worse. The author constantly checked his messages despite knowing Misaki hadn’t sent anything at all. Though he was very tempted to send him something, he knew it would probably be ignored.

He wandered up towards the railing, peering down. No one was walking towards the building but he could see the passing cars zip by as well as his visible breath. The street sounds were calming, he counted every car he saw to distract himself.

Everything felt so still. Every pedestrian who walked by the complex only got his hopes up. The walls in front of the area hid every passerby until it opened up to the entrance where he could see them. They were far, yet he could faintly make out their figures. There was a woman and her child. Then an elderly man who possibly had a cane. Then there was a group of possible teenagers and a dog.

Still no sign of Misaki though.

Akihiko sighed whilst he put out his cigarette. Even though the streets and sidewalks were busy, there was no indication of the brunette coming by any time soon. Each person who walked by made his eyes perk up yet when he looked closely, it was someone else.

 _Where is he?...I want to see him…_ He pressed his hand onto his eyes, breathing hard out of his nose. He didn’t bother looking at his watch this time, he already knew it was getting later.

_I hope nothing bad happened to-_

“Usagi-san?”.

Immediately, Akihiko took his hands from his face and turned to the right. There Misaki was, who stood a good few feet away. His expression however seemed to be of shock and confusion, but that was the least of the author’s problems. He had to get to the bottom of this.

He stepped back from the railing, stomping his way to the camboy with both anger and relief clouding his vision.

“Misaki, where the hell did you go?!”. Misaki stepped back but kept balance, still having his eyebrows raised high. “I told you I was going to be here at 6. Did you-”.

Akihiko stopped in his tracks as soon as he took in the sight in front of him.

There was a large bruise on the camboy’s cheek. A dirty, reddish brown color. His eyes were red and swollen and the clothes he wore were rugged. He could see part of his shoulder and his collarbone, covered in dark marks. He looked sloppy and he smelled...off.

It was obvious what he had just done but the bruise and the tear marks made the author concerned.

“Misaki, what happened?”. He placed his hand upon the injured flesh, gently stroking it and he used the other to keep the camboy’s face still. “Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?”. Misaki still kept that confused look on his face. He pushed Akihiko away, looking off to the side.

“Usagi-san, I thought I texted you that I had to cancel...Why’re you here?”. The author tilted his head, frowning.

“What text? There’s nothing”. The brunette looked at him again, taking out his phone.

“I sent you a text this morning, didn’t I?! Usagi, I really did…”. His voice trailed off as he looked at his screen. Instantly, he felt stupid.

He had the text written out completely there but...he forgot to hit send.

“Oh...I didn’t...oops…”. Akihiko squinted.

“Are you an idiot?”. The man took hold of Misaki’s hand, dragging him towards the apartment door. “Open it. I’m coming in with you. You look like shit”.

Hesitantly, Misaki obeyed and unlocked it. Instead of opening it himself, he saw the man turn the door knob and crack it open. Before he could say anything, he was pulled in by the author.

As they entered the home, Misaki didn’t get one chance to move on his own until they had reached the bed. The author released his hand, walking towards the lamp in the room to switch it on before looking back at the camboy.

“Sit down. Where do you keep your bandages and alcohol?”. Misaki did as he was told, pointing towards the far cabinets within the kitchen.

 _Geez...Is this guy serious? It’s just a bruise but…Look at me. Why isn’t he asking anything?_ He took off his jacket, dropping it on the floor. He wore very tight jeans and a tight shirt, which wasn’t exactly the best thing to be wearing in cold weather.

_He’s really not gonna ask anything about what I’m wearing? Or my hickeys? Is he blind?!_

He dug into his pocket, taking out a few bucks out to check them. He sighed.

 _Man, that guy paid me a lot but I only took a little...I wish I didn’t…_ He shoved them under his pillow, then looked up to see Akihiko returning with cotton balls, bandaids and rubbing alcohol. He knelt down in front of him, pouring the alcohol onto the fluffy white material before locking eyes with the other man.

“Move your head a little. Let me see your cheek”. Misaki did as he was told but winced as he felt a sting.

“It’s okay, I know it hurts. How’d you even get this?”. Akihiko dabbed the service with the ball, rubbing it every so often before checking it. There was blood staining the cotton.

“Eh...um…”. Misaki lightly chuckled, not wanting to reveal what exactly he’d been up to. Akihiko would definitely be disgusted if he knew what Misaki did for a living, right? “I fell and tumbled down a hill while I was, um, wandering around...I think”.

He could feel the weird look on Akihiko’s face but he knew he wasn’t going to press on. The man took the now dirty cotton to the trash, then brought the bin near to where they were. He knelt back down, picking up the bandaid. As he unwrapped it, he glanced up at Misaki every so often.

“Misaki, hold still. Let me put this on”. He scooted closer, pressing the mend onto the injured cheek. Once he pressed it down, he rubbed each side to make sure it would stay on. Misaki avoided eye contact, a bit embarrassed that this guy was even concerned for him.

Akihiko looked towards the patch, then to the side. He then leaned in, gently kissing Misaki on the cheek. Instantly, Misaki snapped his head back and scooted away, fumbling just a bit.

“Wh-What the hell are you doing?!”. His face flushed as he was clearly shaken at the sudden move the author pulled.

“I kissed you. What about it?”. Misaki furrowed his eyebrows, squinting. His cheeks were red, but Akihiko didn’t really seem to care.

“B...But why?! That’s weird y’know!”. Akihiko blinked at him.

“You’re supposed to kiss injuries after they’ve been taken care of though”. With that logic, it did make some sense yet the brunette still felt awkward. This man was more of a strange person but then again, he already knew he was weird in the first place.

Plus for some odd reason, Misaki felt happy.

He blushed still, scooting back towards the man, allowing him to continue. The author pushed the fabric of his shirt downwards, revealing his shoulder and collarbone that were covered in those dark bruises. He began dabbing the alcohol covered cotton onto the area, feeling the small twitches of the man who he was applying it to.

“Are you okay, Misaki?”.

“Mm..yeah. It’s just cold…”. Akihiko placed the patches onto the bare flesh, then continued to gently press his lips against it and onto the non covered areas. Misaki felt his face grow hotter as he felt the author kiss areas besides the bandaged ones as well.

This continued for awhile. The author made the brunette lift his shirt up, kissing the flesh with the reason being “I need to make sure it’s okay”. He adding more alcohol to areas, placing the plasters wherever seemed to need the most attention.

 _Usagi-san’s being so caring...Why do I feel so happy? This guy’s a weirdo! But I’m…_ He placed his palm against his cheek, feeling the heat of it. 

_I guess I’m just happy that someone’s trying to make sure I’m okay._ He felt the author checking his arms, sighing in relief when he noticed there were barely anything wrong with them.

“Misaki”. The camboy looked at him.

“Do your legs hurt? Take off your pants, let me check them”. Misaki turned completely red, scooting away as he covered his face.

“No! That’s way too-!”. He looked at the man, who kept that calm expression that irked him. How could he be so calm?! “My legs hurt but only my thighs and knees…”.

“Let me see them then”. Misaki pouted, calming down a bit.

 _I can’t tell if he’s being pervy or trying to help. Probably both._ Hesitantly, he undid his zipper and pulled his jeans down, but pulled his shirt down as well to cover his crotch. Thankfully, Akihiko didn’t seem to care while he slipped off his pants.

He got in between the camboy’s legs, staring down at the soft skin that seemed to have also a large bruise, similar to the one on his cheek. He puffed, then pressed the cotton ball against it. He dabbed it as he heard Misaki suck air through his teeth.

“It’s okay. I’ll finish soon. Hold on”. As he finished, he pressed a larger band aid onto the area and leaned down to kiss it as well. He gripped Misaki’s other thigh, squeezing it gently as he kissed. He peeked upwards, looking to see if there was any other marks. He noticed Misaki’s face, it was red as a tomato while he squeezed his eyes shut.

 _Hmph. So cute._ He continued to gently kiss, moving his mouth towards his inner thigh to gently press his lips against the bare flesh. It was warm, feeling great on his lips.

“Ah...Usagi-san..What about my knees?”, whimpered Misaki who pressed his fist against his mouth. Akihiko moved back to examine them, concerned as soon as he saw them. They were both a deep red, covered in scratches. Though they didn’t blood coming out, he could tell there was irritation.

He dabbed each wound with the alcohol, feeling the brunette flinch as he felt the stinging and burning pain. There was dried blood all over the cotton, but the flesh was significantly cleaner. As placed the plasters on each knee, placing a kiss on each one.

Once he got up, Misaki knew the job was done. He quickly got up, rushing towards the closet to slip on a pair of shorts, not wanting to wear those uncomfortable jeans again. He slipped on a new shirt as well, praying that Akihiko wasn’t watching him.

The man walked towards Misaki, resting his hand on his small shoulder.

“Misaki, are you doing okay?”. He turned to face the man, his face less flushed than before.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks...But did you have to kiss me so much?”.

“Did you hate it?”.

“No, it’s just…”. He bit his lip and looked down. “It was kind of embarrassing but I guess...I’m glad that you were here”. Akihiko stared at him, nodding to encourage him to speak more. Misaki looked upwards before averting his eyes. His cheeks were a lighter shade of pink.

“I didn’t wanna waste your time waiting and you know I have work tonight. I know I just forgot to hit send on that message and I’m really sorry you had to stay out there for so long…”.

“It’s okay, Misaki”. Akihiko reached his hand to gently stroke the soft tuft of hair, running his fingers through it. He felt Misaki lean into his touch, smiling shyly.

“Usagi-san...Um...I guess it makes me a little happy that you actually waited for me”. Akihiko had widened his eyes, but faintly smiled.

“Well, I have to tutor you after all. I want to see you graduate already. Plus you’re my friend even if you’re stupid”. Misaki pouted.

“Shut up, asshole. You’re lucky I even let you in my apartment”.

“Pft”. Akihiko chuckled, then hugged him tight. Misaki felt the warmth of him, tears suddenly welling up in his eyes again.

_Usagi-san...He’s kind to me...I’m so happy…!_


	7. A Sudden Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki feels troubled by Akihiko. His face keeps blushing and his heart won't stop. It's all Akihiko's fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter sorry but I finally finished it. This one was difficult to write and I didn't edit it as much so it may be rushed in some areas.   
> Also sorry for any mistakes and wording, I struggle a lot. Also ignore any bad formatting, I uploaded this from my phone heheheheh I'll edit it if it's formatted awkwardly  
> Enjoy uwu

_ There is a strange man in my apartment eating all my food… _ Misaki watched Akihiko stuffing his face with a meal he had cooked especially for him. Though he didn't hate preparing food for the author, it was still a hassle. It was scary how quickly he ate it all. 

“Yeesh, did you even eat today? Slow down”. 

Akihiko glanced up, crumbs decorating the side of his mouth. 

“Not since early this morning”. 

“You need to eat at home more. That's not good”. Misaki frowned then saw the plate was completely empty now. “Why didn't you go eat something while you waited for me? It was obvious I wasn't gonna come back for awhile, moron”. 

Akihiko wiped his mouth. 

“What if I missed you while I was eating?”. He got up from his chair placing the dirty dishes into the sink. 

The day had been very chaotic for the both of them as it was now dark. It was past 9 already. That night was spent together so far was full of reading texts and answering more work questions. It was tedious as all hell. Slowly but surely however, all the work was getting done which pleased Akihiko. All was becoming well.

Other than that, Misaki felt like he went through hell. After a long day at work, he had to walk all the way home and put on an uncomfortable outfit just to do a few things he wasn't exactly proud of discussing out loud. But Akihiko didn't ask about anything. Therefor it was okay... right? 

That meant he didn’t care. Nothing seemed off to him at all. That was the only logical conclusion the camboy could think of. 

Still, Misaki felt a tad bit off. Scratch that, he felt VERY off. He glanced at the author, who had now went back to the bed area. He was busy opening the work folders to read over progress. Misaki turned on the sink, letting the water fill up while he grabbed dish soap. 

He was very troubled. He looked down at his legs, staring at the band-aids covering his knees and thighs. He felt the plaster on his cheek. 

All he could think of was what had just happened just an hour ago.  

It should be normal yet his face suddenly felt 10 times hotter than it was before. 

_ Oh jeez, what the fuck is wrong with him?!  _ He bit his lip hard as he scrubbed the dishes.  _ What's wrong with him? This is all wrong!  _ He snuck small glances at the man from across the apartment. His face grew hotter by the second. 

_ Who the hell just kisses someone all over their body and acts like it's nothing?!  _ He moved the sponge against the plates roughly, throwing his frustration into each movement.  _ Does he just kiss anyone who's not feeling well?! He might as well just kiss me on the lips too! He was obviously way too into it! Stupid fucking pervert…!  _

He paused. The water ran down his hands and into the drain. 

_ Well...it's not like I mind...I was a little uncomfortable but it's not like he understands why. It's not like I can just tell him what I just went through. _ Water ran over each dish, not many needed to be cleaned. He always washed his plates whenever he finished eating himself. The rushing sound going into the drain and the small flips of paper meshed together.

_ I understand he did to be sure I was okay. He's been a weirdo from day 1 actually. Staring at me and all then buying bears at the store and buckling them up...This isn't really out of the question now that I think about it…  _ Misaki continued, not wanting to look at the author from across the apartment. 

_ To be honest, it’s completely normal of him to be like that in a sense but…  _ He felt his chest tighten. Somehow, despite being calm, he felt a small sadness touch him. 

“Misaki, are you done over there?”, Akihiko called out. 

Misaki jolted, peeking up. 

“Could you come over here? I need to ask you something”. 

“C-Coming”. He shut off the tap, then dried his hands off onto his shirt as he made his way to the author. 

Akihiko sat on the bed, looking towards the camboy who wore shorts and a loose t-shirt. He could see the plasters covering his knees and a bit of his injured thigh, the sight brought a bitter taste in his mouth. 

It was too bitter.

_ Did he really have sex with someone earlier? It's obvious he did but... Why is he injured then? Did they beat him instead or… _ His train of thought was lost as the brunette sat next to him, then scooted onto his pillow. 

“Usagi-san, what do you want?”. Akihiko leaned back to look at him from the side, gripping the sheets beneath him. 

Misaki just looked insanely small right there. He was hunched over, hugging his knees while those large, emerald green eyes peeked from the hidden. They were a bit red still. The plasters on his knees were in full view. It was painful to look at.

Akihiko sat up straight. 

“So...”, he began. Misaki's gaze latched onto him. 

“Tell me. Are you okay?”. 

The brunette raised his head, looking a bit bewildered. He was in defense mode. 

“Wh...What do you mean? Of course I am”. He turned his head towards the wall. He didn't want to look at the author at all. “Is this because of the bruises and marks? Listen, I told you that I just got in a tiny accident. It's not like I'm dying, Usagi”. 

Akihiko squinted. 

_ Bullshit…  _ There was no use in pressing on to learn a full story however. It was about obvious that topic was done. He understood. He wasn't exactly entitled for an explanation in the first place. After all, they still just barely know each other. 

_ Barely.  _ He could see the camboy look back at him. 

“Usagi-san. Didn't I already tell you I was fine? I don't…”. His voice trailed off. He swallowed, resting his head down against his knees. Akihiko could feel a small squeeze of his chest yet he had no idea where it came from. 

Misaki lifted his head, making eye contact. 

“I don't really wanna talk about it...I'm sorry…”. Akihiko nodded. 

He felt a strong twinge of uneasiness set in. Misaki's face grew red again, catching the author's attention. His eyes were teary. Upon notice, the brunette immediately wiped them. He didn't want Akihiko to see but it was too late. 

He didn't look okay at all. 

The author turned towards him. His eyebrows furrowed as he saw Misaki hide his face away. There was no way things were fine. 

Why was he so red? Was he sick? Is he tired? Akihiko clenched his jaw. This wasn't something he could ignore. 

“Misaki”. His voice was sharp. The other man flinched yet still hid his face. The air felt too thick. 

Akihiko sighed. 

“Misaki...Are you sick?”. He scooted towards him. Misaki immediately tried to get further away but he was backed into the corner. His body felt like it was on fire. 

He buried his face into his knees, shaking his head. His mind was extremely muddled. He didn't know how to feel at all yet his heart raced so hard that it would break out his chest. The fact Akihiko was so close made his mind break. 

“Misaki”. 

Then, a sudden cold touch met his burning body. Akihiko gripped Misaki's hand that was just right below his knee. It was too warm. 

Misaki suddenly felt the strong tension fade. His shoulders lowered just slightly as the anxiety faded. The author noticed, gently stroking his hand. 

“Look at me, Misaki”. As obedient as ever, the camboy looked up. His face was completely flushed. His eyes now held a much softer gaze. 

“What's wrong? Do you not feel well?”. He could tell Akihiko was worried and rightfully so. If some guy came home looking like a trainwreck then suddenly was hiding away, he'd get anxious too. 

However, the gentle touch of his hand hand touching it helped his nerves. The author gently kept holding it, gazing at Misaki's reddened cheeks. 

The brunette sighed through his nose before breaking eye contact. 

“I'm fine...I just feel a little hot”, Misaki murmured. 

“Do you have a fever?”. 

“No, it's just...um…”. It was if he was in a trance. There wasn't exactly any harm in talking about his troubles. After all, this man did just try to take care of him despite the uncomfortable tension of each gentle kiss. 

_ Just...who kisses someone all over without doing anything right after?! Weirdo…! _

“What?”. 

Fuck. He didn't mean to say that out loud. 

Akihiko's eyebrows lifted. Upon the sight, a stabbing shame came over the camboy who couldn't even get redder than he already was. 

He snatched his hand away from the author's grip, shoving him. Not too hard but enough to get some breathing room. 

Akihiko eyed at him in shock but didn't get any closer.

He understood now. 

“Misaki…”. 

“S-Shut up! Pretend like you didn't hear that!”. 

_ Fuck fuck fuck. Why'd I say that?! Oh god it's not like I like him or anything but…! I'm so embarrassed!  _ He got up scooted towards the edge of the mattress, hopping off.  _ It's not like he meant anything bad but ugh, this fucking jerk! He's not innocent at all either! Now I look like the perverted one…!  _

“Hey, wait-”. The brunette faced away from him, moving his feet to just get away from the other man. He didn't even want to look at him. 

It was too shameful.

“Just leave! Everything's done already so just go-”. 

“Misaki!”. He grabbed onto Misaki's hand, forcing him to stop in his tracks. He didn't even get even one foot of distance between them. Akihiko's hand felt like pure ice. 

He slowly turned his head back to look at the man. That harsh, loud tone of voice he used to just call our his name startled him. Did he make him angry?

He was surprised that Akihiko's eyes looked so soft despite just being told to leave. His grip on Misaki's hand was firm. 

“What…?”, sheepishly muttered the camboy. 

There was a small, uncomfortable silence. The grip of the author's hand loosened just before he let go. He looked up at Misaki, who suddenly just felt the new shame of his freak out. 

“Misaki, I'm sorry”. 

_ Huh?  _ Misaki blinked. 

“Um, why are you apologizing…?”. Misaki's inner panic set in as he saw the author stand from the bed. He looked so strong and prideful yet there was guilt in his expression. Misaki turned to face him completely, picking at his nails in worry. A new lump in his throat formed. 

He didn't like that look.

“You're upset at the fact I kissed you so many times, right? It made you uncomfortable, didn't it?”. Akihiko had his sight set straight onto the other man. 

“Ah-! Wait, no- I mean”. Misaki despised the uneasy tension. “I know you were just trying to make me feel better in your own weird... stupid way but um…”. Akihiko stared. 

“No...um..Well, I know you didn't mean anything from it but I just wasn't...prepared for it, Usagi-san”. Misaki bit his lip, praying that the other man would understand. “That accident sort of made it a bad experience for me. I don't wanna talk about it still but please...don't just do it so much without asking...Or I'll kick you”. 

To Misaki's delight, Akihiko nodded before reaching to ruffle his hair. The stiff feeling died down instantly. 

“Understood”. The brunette leaned into his touch, blushing just a bit more before he felt his heart pound. He prayed the author didn't hear it. 

“I'm sorry for doing it suddenly. I'll try to remember that”. Misaki's eyes fluttered open a bit. 

“Well, I'm sorry too...I'm still kind of sensitive right now so um..yeah. I'm sorry for snapping…”. Akihiko smirked, removing his slender fingers from the soft locks. 

Akihiko checked his watch. It wasn't very late at all but he did have a meeting to attend early tomorrow. In the corner of his eye, he could spot the camboy sitting back on the bed. 

It's been a long day. 

“Misaki, how's your cheek? Does it ache?”. 

“Yeah but only a little. It's no big deal”. Misaki hid his mouth with his hand, not wanting Akihiko to see his shy smile. 

He was still a bit on edge but somehow he felt much calmer. However, he still felt like he was burning. 

It was too hot. 

And suddenly, he felt much hotter as he felt a familiar hand gently caress his cheek. Misaki looked up, anxious to see Akihiko at the side staring down at him. 

“Are you sure you don't have a fever? You've been red all day”. Misaki pouted, huffing through his nose before pushing the author's hand away. 

“Jeez, I'm fine. Stop touching me already or I'm gonna bite you”. 

Akihiko chuckled, resisting the urge to kiss him again. He was such an annoying little man but Akihiko somehow found his stupidity and threats endearing. 

Still, the fact Misaki was so flushed did concern but then again, he is a bit flustered from earlier. It was Akihiko's own fault and he did feel bad. 

From the start, he hadn't exactly been good at taking care of somebody. Many of his peers always found him strange. He was mostly isolated. 

He never got many chances to do much to make someone feel better. 

“Misaki, listen”. Those lovely doe eyes stared directly at the author. It was best to give some closure. 

“I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and I am sorry”. Misaki raised an eyebrow. 

“Usagi-san, I said it's fine-”. 

“It's just that I have never really understood how to properly treat others. I used to kiss my old friends when they were hurt so I thought it was okay to do it to you”. 

_ So I was right, huh… _ Misaki blinked. Akihiko really was a strange one. He understood though. 

“Well, Usagi-san, um…thank you for the explanation, I guess”. He fiddled with his fingers, still looking at the author. His heart still pounded but now Misaki could only wonder why. 

_ I understand and I don't really mind if you kiss me again though, Usagi-san...Just make sure it's all okay first… _

“What?”. 

Fuck. He said his thoughts out loud again. 

Akihiko tilted his head, attempting to process what had been said. 

Instead of freaking out again, Misaki just sat and absorbed it. He cringed at his own stupidity. 

For the author, he felt an odd sense of relief. A weight had dropped off his shoulders. 

_ So, he doesn't think I'm weird...It's okay then.  _ Akihiko gently smiled, moving his hand to ruffle the camboy's hair once again. He flinched just a bit by the sudden contact yet did not hesitate to lean into Akihiko's touch. 

“You're such a moron”. Misaki frowned at the insult but the playful tone made him think less of it. 

“By the way”, began the author. “I looked over some of the previous work in the folder and I noticed you did some corrections”. 

“Ah- That's because-”. 

“Looks like you're actually learning and not wasting my time. Good boy”. Akihiko brought his other hand to run through the brunette's silk like strands, ruffling and petting him. The sight of Misaki's soothed yet happy expression pleased him. 

Once he pulled his hands away, he could hear a soft whine come from the camboy who wore a needy like face. His eyes were noticeably wet but weren't alarming. 

“Well, Misaki, I have to head home now”. 

“Already? You usually leave later”. 

“I have a meeting with my editor and a few others tomorrow morning. I'm running a little late on my manuscript too”. Akihiko made his way to put on his coat and scarf. Outside had frost covering every single grassy area. If you breathed lightly, you could see the gentle mist and fog of your breath. 

No doubt it was going to snow soon. It made leaving the camboy's heated apartment much more difficult. 

Misaki headed over to see him out, opening the door for Akihiko and telling him to go straight to bed. 

The author made his way out the door but not before petting the camboy once more. Once the door was shut, Misaki made his way to the window to watch the man go down the stairs and into the parking lot. 

Once he took off, the weight of emptiness slammed down. It was definitely time for a shower at least but then again, he'd might have to take off the plasters. It was already a pain in the ass to get them on. 

_ To get them on...ah… _ Misaki pressed his hands against his cheeks, still feeling the intense heat. 

Somehow...he couldn't stop thinking about the gentleness of the author's touch. He couldn't stop thinking about those light pecks. He couldn't stop thinking about his praise. 

_ He said I was good… _ The pounding of his heart disturbed him. 

Why couldn't it stop beating around him? Why is it beating now? 

Multiple of his clients praised him and touched him. What made Akihiko any different? 

_ He said I was good...I miss him.  _ Misaki looked across the apartment. It just looked so barren without the man. 

The lump in his throat didn't go down at all. It only bothered him. 

_ It's not like I hate it when he does all that...I like it actually...I wanna study actually _ . 

Opening the work folders, he took out a large sheet that had way too many words that he could handle. He didn't know some of them but he knew he had to understand. 

_ If I just make progress by myself, then… _ He bit his lip. 

_ Then Usagi-san...will praise me for sure!  _

His heart stopped. Time stopped (At least it felt like it). It was still. 

What the hell was he thinking? If anything, he should want his professor's praise. Not some guy who comes by! 

_ What the hell…?! What am I doing?! What do I care about Usagi and his thoughts on me...It's not like I like him!  _

That stillness shot through him. He froze. That wasn't right...The more he thought about it, it's clarify shined unpleasantly. 

There was only one thought. 

_ I...like him.  _

The silence took over. 

All Misaki could do was sit and stare down at his own, burning hands. 


	8. Familiar Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko is stuck in traffic when his cellphone rings. An old friend has called

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really short cause tbh i couldn't see myself working on it to be a long one. hope you enjoy tho!!!

The roads were of ice. The sky was a burning white. The near sounds of honking and engines roaring irritated every driver on the road but there was no helping it. It was a shitty season. 

Akihiko’s migraine came at him far too early this morning. His mood at the moment was one of bitterness and hidden aggressiveness yet he bit his tongue. He had just gotten out from a hellish meeting that was filled with nothing but adult men and women acting like toddlers. Arguing, trying to come up with solutions, and more arguing. It was an irritating 2 hours long. Nothing really got done besides a few papers getting thrown out and new ones being signed.

It just felt so pointless.

His editor, Aikawa, invited him to eat out with her after work but he had kindly refused. He regrets rejecting her offer cause now he was stuck in traffic. The thought of eating at a cafe with a friend for about an hour or so seemed so much better than his current situation.

He’d only eaten leftover take out from a few nights prior so he wasn't exactly nourished. He didn’t bother to shower that morning so he wasn't exactly comfortable. The most he’s really done was comb his hair just a little bit, wash his face and change into a new pair of clothes. 

_ How irritating... _

A cigarette hung out his mouth, the window a tad bit open despite the cold air. The sleepiness in his eyes was very prominent. A stream of smoke that filled the car silently escaped towards the window. Traffic only moved every few moments but it was still slower than what he'd prefer. 

He wanted to go home. Why'd there have to be an accident today? It was just another pain in the ass. Akihiko's face felt warm from the heat of the cigarette, but it was still frozen. 

Sure he could just close the window but that'd mean he'd have a car full of smoke. Didn't exactly seem promising. The heater didn't exactly do a decent job either. 

The mist of cars and slow movement was ever so irritating. Akihiko knew that once he managed to get home, he was going straight to bed and slamming every door. He was ready to immediately tell whoever dared to disturb him to ‘fuck off’.

Just as he had that thought, his phone went off. It vibrated like crazy in his front pocket, startling the author. He gripped the steering wheel hard before removing one hand to reach down. 

Who the hell is calling him? If it's Aikawa or anyone else from Marukawa, he was ready to dismiss their call without even bothering to answer. He was not in the mood. 

Opening it, he took a good look at the caller ID. 

The frown that decorated his pale face was replaced with a look of confusion. It wasn't anyone he worked with but it wasn't Misaki either. 

It was Takahiro. Why him of all people? They hadn't spoken ever since high school. Of course Takahiro worked constantly during class and skipped college for the sake of making more money for himself to support Misaki. 

In fact, as he skipped college, he had to move away to find better work. Misaki must have been an adult already if Takahiro left as soon as he graduated. 

But after so long of not speaking to anyone, why was he suddenly calling? It didn't make much sense. Akihiko was glad the cars moved as slow as they did or he'd be in an accident himself right now. 

Hesitantly, he rose the device to his ear.

“Hello?”. 

“Ah, this is Akihiko Usami, right?...”. There was a small panic in his tone. Not exactly as if he were scared but just a little nervous. 

“Correct. Takahiro?”. 

“Wow, thank God! I thought I had the wrong number. Your voice is so much deeper now! And yeah, it's me!”. 

The cheerfulness in his voice was a big contrast to what Akihiko was used to. Usually each time he got a call, someone would be yelling at him or a certain someone would ask him to come over (which he didn't mind). 

“It's good to speak to you again. How's life? You have a family of your own, right?”. 

“Yeah! I'm working a stable job finally too. I heard you actually pursued your career in writing, Usagi”. 

_ That's right...that was an old nickname...Hearing it from Takahiro feels off.  _

“I did. I love my job but I hate it too. It feels too demanding”. 

“You were always the best in our classes. I'm glad you're living your best life!”. 

Akihiko chuckled, pulling out his cigarette before blowing out the smog. 

“I’m glad your situation is better. How're you doing?”. 

“I'm fine. I'm heading to work right now and I thought I'd say hello!”. 

Akihiko huffed. It was obvious that wasn't it. He took the cigarette back into his mouth, breathing slowly. 

“Takahiro...How did you get my number?”. He could hear the man on the other line breathing in, then exhaled harshly. 

“Ah, well…”. He laughed. “I called my younger brother and um, you came up. I'm surprised you two know each other”. 

_ Ah.  _

“How long have you known Misaki? How'd you meet him?”. 

The author could feel himself cringe while he bit his tongue. How could he just say that he watched Misaki masturbate for weeks (or months, honestly it just felt like a blur in his mind) and just so happened to meet him at a store? The thought of telling Takahiro seemed a bit humorous but it wouldn't be very funny if it led to Misaki getting shunned. Thinking about the possible outcome was a bit fun still. 

“Well, we just happened to notice each other at the store and we hit up a conversation. It's pretty standard. I had no idea that you two were related”. 

“Really? He told me that you're helping him with his college work. It actually took him awhile to manage to get accepted into University and studied so hard. He's about 24 now in his last year, right?”. 

“Hm...I think he is. He's just barely managing to stay in school though so he needs all the help he can get. He's pretty stupid”. 

“Don't say that, haha. He's trying, he really is. Misaki just has some reading difficulties and a few problems with his comprehension at times. It's hard for him to focus”. 

“Is that so?”. 

“I think so but he and I never had a proper discussion on it. I'm glad you're managing to help him, Usagi”. 

Akihiko thought of the camboy. He must be asleep or getting ready to head to class by now. Or, he's already in class. The thought of Misaki improving his skills made the author smile. Knowing he was helping someone lifted his spirits. 

It's been quite awhile since they've been working together. He felt rather fond of the man by now. For some reason, he felt himself blush just a little bit thinking about spending time with him. 

“I want to help him as much as I can. He's a good friend”, Akihiko smiled.  

“I'm happy he's getting better. He seemed pretty happy talking about you to me. He started giggling when he spoke about you two hanging out. It makes me happy he has a friend”. 

_ Misaki spoke about me... _ Akihiko felt his chest get lighter. 

“That makes me happy. I'm glad he can stand me”. 

“Hey, Usagi. If we ever have time, let's hang out again. Let's go get some drinks together!”. 

“I'd like that”. 

“Well, I'm at work now so I have to go. Thank you for looking out for my brother!”. 

“You're welcome. Bye now”. 

“Bye!”. 

And so it ended. The click of the line and then silence. Somehow, the bitter mood he was in died. Akihiko was at an off form of peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw if there's any confusion cause i forgot to state this earlier, Usagi and Takahiro are actually aged down. They're both about 26-28 which might make you go "aint they that age in the start of the canon" but this story takes place where misaki is already at his last year of college and takahiro is much younger than he originally is. misaki is 24 and takahiro is between those previous agesand so is usagi  
> i always felt pretty uncomfortable with the age gaps in junjou since im very put off by it so i made usagi younger.   
> Usagi in this fic also only had a tiny crush on Takahiro but it quickly vanished due to the fact he never really saw Takahiro again after graduating high school and only now just hearing from him  
> Hope this clears whatever questions up (there might be plot holes or something in this but shhhh)


	9. Bad Feelings and Phone Buzzes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki is troubled with his feelings for Akihiko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!! Sorry these take so long to make and ik its short again but I'm in school and I work a lot in literature already so QAQ!!! Sorry if the format is bad I had to post and edit this on my phone so if things are weirdly placed then my bad!! I'll edit later!!

The last time Misaki ever felt love towards someone was years ago. Just an innocent crush on a classmate when he was about 10 or 11. He could barely remember their face. He did not remember their gender. In fact, everything was a complete blur. If he could remember correctly, it only lasted for about 2 days before those feelings faded. He didn't even remember if the other person found out or not. What even happened to them? Not a clue.

What was the point anyway?

Of course he had found a few people attractive yet he never remembers himself having feelings further than that. He's never thought about the possibility of asking someone out, going on dates, kissing, hugging and whatever else. He's been asked out a few times but it was obvious how those "dates" ended.

Why would he want to date someone? Why would he want to be someone's _boyfriend_? It's not like he was ugly but he wasn't the best looking either. No one besides creeps found him good looking in the first place. Besides, it's not like he found people so attractive that he'd fall to his feet. He was used to the flings at this point.

Already in his last year of University, it was strange he hasn't found someone yet. His buddies teased him sometimes, telling him to get out the house and meet someone nice (If only they knew he was always leaving).

It irked him whenever he looked outside and saw a happy couple walking beside each other, hand in hand. They all just looked... so good together. A beautiful woman with rosy cheeks with a taller man who could probably support her future children...that was completely ideal, right? That is the dream so many strive for.

The idea of that even happening to him made Misaki bite his nail in frustration. Yeah...that was a life he knew he could not have.

Why would anyone love him of all people? He was short. Sure, some girls were pretty small compared to him still but being below 6'0 wasn't exactly the best way to live. He had a baby face still...not exactly a good look for an adult man who wanted to be taken seriously. He wasn't smart either.

The closest to a compliment he'd ever get was being called "cute". Sure, it's sweet at first. However, the main people who called him that were his clients. That was one slap in the face he knew he couldn't really get over. It'd be nice to be called more than that once in awhile but that could be asking too much…

A relationship seemed nice but the stress of being in one at this point seemed to be too much. He'd already accepted himself as the "failure".

There was no one he ever planned on having feelings for. He'd like to be cared for and held though.

Misaki knew he didn't want to give trust to someone easily. He didn't want to let his guard down.

It would be nice to trust someone though.

He knew that people in relationships get hurt. He's been physically enough. Being hit around by strangers for some cash he didn't even use on himself, being degraded...if he loved someone, what would they say if they knew what he did?

How could they love someone like that?

How could they love him?

And how could Misaki love someone who would hate him for that?

Love is just too risky. Being hurt so much was not what he wanted. He can't fall for someone.

And he never will.

   

But...why the hell was he blushing over a guy?! And why the fuck was he thinking about him so much?!

Misaki huffed, gripping his phone as he swiped through texts from the nights before. He reread each one carefully, chewing on his nails so hard he'd rip one off.

_Frustrated...Confused...Hurt._

His face was flushed. He felt his heart skip multiple times as he read everything he had ever sent his beloved.

_"Beloved"..._ Somehow the urge to cover his face didn't creep up on him from such an embarrassing thought.

Reading the messages carefully, Misaki tilted his head. Talking to Akihiko wasn't hard. Far from it. He couldn't stop thinking about that night however. The night where that man overstepped his boundaries while caring for the brunette. Misaki was still bothered over it but he's glad he made him apologize. He was grateful that Akihiko bothered to wait for him and cared for his injuries. The plasters on his knees were still there however most of the scars and bruises had faded.

He cringed at the memory of blurting his thoughts out loud, literally telling Akihiko he COULD kiss him as long as he asked. And to think he'd have a crush on him after that...What was wrong with him?

Misaki reread each text, smiling to himself. Akihiko's words were so gentle and sweet to him but actually getting excited over them? Out of the question. However, he was.

They spoke nearly every day. They were friends. Akihiko _did_ ask him out when they first met but for why? They didn't have sex. Was it even a date? They didn't even kiss (properly at least). They're only friends. That's just the simplest idea.

Misaki knows that but he felt himself get mad over the thought. Still, the questions remained...Did he actually like _like_ him? Or...Is he starting to emotionally depend on him? He felt warm and gleeful much before realization but did it mean a thing?

To be completely honest, the two thoughts were both likely at this point.

Though the feelings were there, being dependent was a large possibility. The man did come over every so often to help him. He relies on him to understand his work better and to even finish everything. To be completely honest, Misaki was just doing everything last minute, getting answers from the internet and from his classmates, and cramming. How'd he even manage to get into his last year of University?

Now that Akihiko was there, he debated whether to go completely his way. Hell, he's the only person he can actually stand to talk to daily. That has to mean something.

It has to yet...It could only be intense appreciation and gratitude. That was possible. He was his first real friend after all. If it were romantic love Misaki felt, it could lead to a whole new ordeal.

It didn't matter though. If it was either, he'd have to stop himself.

He didn't deserve to love or be loved by anyone because it would never work out. He learned that from the beginning.

Akihiko was his friend. That's all they should be.

He nodded to himself, accepting it even though the lump in his throat strangled him to death.

Misaki shut off his phone, setting it beside his pillow. He sat still, his knees pressed against his chest and his back against the wall. It was as if he felt nothing. He still bit and pulled at his nail.

He couldn't even feel the pain.

The apartment was dim. The blinds only let so much light in through the thin rust colored curtain, only slightly lighting up the area. His neighbors were quiet that day so the only sound he could hear were the far passing cars along with his heater rotating.

He pulled his nail roughly with his teeth.

It was as if time had stopped.

He felt cold despite the heater.

He felt numb despite his rapid heart beat. However, it slowed down. Slowed down into nothing.

Misaki took his nail from his mouth, wiping off the saliva onto his shirt. He spit out a spur, slightly covered in the familiar red. The wound on his finger was small but stung. There was no blood running down yet the area was significantly red. The remaining hard area was tinted maroon as well, the flesh beneath possibly being irritated.

It stung. It hurt badly but instead of getting up to get a bandaid, he only put the pained area into his mouth.

The metallic taste was comforting.

It was already 5 or 6 in the afternoon. He just wanted the day to be over with already. He was sick to his stomach. Akihiko was busy with his own work so there was no use in texting him. He couldn't bother him with whatever talk he could muster up. Misaki had bothered him enough.

How odd it was. Just moments, he smiled at his phone, blushing, his heart thumping and yet after thinking and setting the device aside, it was as if he were completely hollow.

There was an itch to pick it back up and make a call. He had to stop himself from grabbing it again. What was wrong with him?

He stood from the mattress, feeling the sharp stabbing pain of his legs as his feet touched the hard floor. It shot through, his knees lowly creaking and his feet aching. Misaki held his arms over his head, stretching as he made his way to the fridge.

He was cold.

He was empty.

Pulling out a large glass bottle, he grabbed a cup out the clean dish rack. He poured the clear liquid yet bubbly liquid into the dish, then downed it as fast as he could. The heat hit his mouth instantly.

It was bitter, yet left a sweet aftertaste. The glass was empty before he knew it, leading him to pour more of the alcohol into the cup.

He always did this when he felt low, knowing it wasn't the best idea. He never did it often but that's at least what he thought. In complete honesty, he never thought of it that much.

_It's not like it's a bad thing...I'm an adult. I can do what I want._ Misaki gagged, choking on the beverage before swallowing it back down. Now his throat itched irritably. Still, he continued to enjoy himself as best as he could.

The numbness he felt slowly melted. His insides, especially his chest felt much warmer. He drunk more, refilling his glass every few moments.

After 3 to 5 pours, he closed the bottle and tossed it back into the fridge. It was a good thing he managed to have some self control but Misaki always wondered if that control would last. Maybe so. Maybe not.

He wasn't drunk but his head felt much, much lighter. His chest was ice but his cheeks burned. Touching his forehead, there was no sweat at all.

The intense urge to pull the bottle back out was stronger than usual. Misaki side eyed the fridge, debating on whether to just continue or do something else.

That urge only intensified.

Looking at the clock, he could see in was about half past 6.

He didn't have any plans that day. Akihiko called him in the morning saying he couldn't make it due to work. The overwhelming loneliness took over so fast after hearing that.

_Is looking forward to seeing him and getting sad just making me more dependent…? Ugh._ Leaning against the counter, he fiddled with his nails as he thought. The thought of seeing the author was supposed to make him smile yet the more he imagined, the worse the situation was becoming. Would seeing him make him latch on? To feel just so happy and gratified as soon as one person messages or comes to see you seemed completely normal. Everyone has their favorites, especially if they don't make many friends in the first place. Taking the crush thing aside, it was just a usual occurrence of his feelings.

However, the thought of potentially latching onto Akihiko and having his feelings go completely out of whack was something Misaki dreaded. If he was already getting excited and flustered now, who knows what could happen? What if he got obsessive or clingy? How would Akihiko even feel?

_Would he hate me?_ The thought of the author disliking him left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn't want to be hated by him of all people.

Akihiko was special. But even if was true love, completely having your emotions based on another person would destroy him in the end. Misaki knew that yet he wanted to see him. He wanted to talk to him, to argue, to cry, to touch him. He wanted everything. The small part of him that wanted to be held and kissed by those strong arms suddenly wasn't small.

The doubt was twice its size however. How could it be love if he was so selfish? It has to be dependency even though it felt like they just barely knew each other. Just barely.

He just barely understood how he even felt.

_I don't know anything...I'm so stupid. Usagi-san should hate me. I don't know anything._ He felt himself slump, slowly sliding his back down until he felt his bottom touch the floor.

He sat in silence. Only muffled engines of cars, footsteps passing by and the wind slamming against every hard surface.

Those mossy green eyes were now dull. They kept themselves in place, almost looking at nothing.  

Then, a familiar buzz interrupted his loathing. It was quite faint, having be across the apartment yet there was only one person who would message during this certain time. No clients did until after streaming or early, early morning. It wasn't work either.

Slowly, Misaki raised himself up. He slowly, shakily made his way to his bedside and opened his phone to see a message from the man he thought so much of.

Somehow, he felt the angst wash away almost instantly as he read his text.

Now it was only time to reply.

 

**I finished my work early. Do you want me to come? (6:57 PM)**

 

The urge to say 'no' was stronger than he realized. Still...maybe he could talk about it all.

Maybe it was fine.

 

**Bring food I don't feel like cooking lol (6:59 PM)**

 

The silence went on forever when it was only seconds. The grip on his phone could have crushed it if he weren't restraining himself.

As it buzzed once more, he checked immediately like a puppy waiting for it's owner to show up at the door.

 

**Sure. I'll be there soon. (7:00 PM)**

**Be good and I'll probably buy drinks too. See you. (7:00 PM)**

 

Just with that, Misaki felt himself smile wider than anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOHAAAA!! Hope you guys enjoyed this if you bothered reading. I'm gonna be on summer break soon so expect the next chapter to be longer and possibly very fluffy. This chapter was supposed to be very nsfw actually but I changed it since i don't want this fic to be nothing but porn since I'm a gay man and I like when gay nsfw topics have a lot of plot too.   
> Hope you enjoyed!!! Thanks for all the support!


	10. Lovely Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko comes over to spend time with Misaki, who is having conflicting feelings towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this chapter isn't that good but i tried to make it longer so :]!!!!!! hope you all enjoy!!!!!!!

“Misaki, you’ve been quiet”, Akihiko stated as he took a sip of his cup. Misaki squinted his eyes, then slurped up the cup noodles he held on his plastic forks. 

The apartment had been hastily tidied (despite already being spacious and empty) for the author’s arrival. All was in its place despite the bed being a bit sloppy. The dishes had been thrown onto the shelves and each counter had been wiped clean. Appearance was meant to be pleasing and the camboy knew full well he wanted to please his beloved. 

Akihiko had brought a few ramen noodle cups, both being chicken flavor which the camboy didn’t mind. He had brought a bag that held multiple bottles of liquor, though it looked a bit expensive. Both ate from the foam cups, sitting at the small table near the bedside. They were on their knees, across from each other. A few drops of hot broth might have spilled but that was the least of their worries.

The scene looked rather comfortable, especially from an outside view. A soft ambience that came from the yellow lights of the apartment, the humming of the heater and the sound of the clock hitting every ‘tick’ on it’s head. Just two men spending time together. As it should be in such a gentle atmosphere. However, the brunette was far from calm. 

Misaki blinked, swallowing. He had an anxious pit in his stomach as his heart constantly skipped every several beats. The sight of the author made his throat dry up. The longer he stared at the man, the more he noticed about him. 

His hair was disheveled, bits of grey stook out like he just got out of bed. His lips were a soft glossy pink, a bit chapped however. Misaki saw the soft, slow breaths come from them and all he could do was stare. He had never noticed how... _ full _ Akihiko's lips were. Of course it wasn't a bad thing but the urge to touch them was strong. To gently press them against his own was suddenly a thought he could not stop fantasizing about. What bad timing. 

When Akihiko had first entered the apartment, he set a gentle eye on the brunette which made his small heart melt. Being in the mere presence of the other man was enough to make Misaki go in a starry eyed frenzy. Now with the knowledge of his possible feelings for the author, it became far more intense. 

_ But it's not like I like him or anything... he's just my friend and tutor. Plus he looks like shit. When was the last time he brushed his hair? Stupid jerk… _ He bit his lip, grinding his thighs against one another. Though he looked like a trainwreck, Akihiko appealed to Misaki's tastes. Despite being with multiple people, there wasn’t much of a crowd he was personally attracted to so this person was a breath of fresh air. It clearly wasn't helping his debating feelings of pure love for him either. In fact, it made it even harder to think. 

_ Eek. I feel like an actual pervert. But I don't like him at all...I can’t...I really can’t- _

"Misaki". Akihiko's voice was much more solid and firm this time, clearly irritated from the silence. The camboy felt himself jump, snapping back into the cold reality. 

"Y-Yes?!". 

"Why do you keep looking at me? Not that I mind but...". 

"Oh, sorry...I was just thinking about how messy you look". He collected more of the meal onto his fork before eating quickly, trying to use it was an excuse not to talk much. 

“Messy? I took a shower today. I shouldn’t be counted as such”, Akihiko breathed. He ate up the remaining meal he had, drinking the hot broth before placing the empty cup onto the table. “ _ You _ , on the other hand, look like shit”. 

Slurping up the noodles, Misaki snuck a glaring dagger at the author.  _ That’s right, he’s a rude asshole. I don’t like him at all.  _

“No I don’t. Your hair looks like a birds nest”. 

“Says the one who looks like he was on fire when I walked in. Your face is still red. Are you sick?”. 

Now that he thought about it, Misaki felt like he’s been burning all day. But that is completely Akihiko’s fault (And the alcohol but whatever). It’s his fault he was all he thought about. Technically, it’d be considered ‘blushing’ over having such embarrassing and “loving” thoughts towards another man but there is no way he would admit it to him of all people. Plus, the immense doubt was still there. He had never felt this way towards anyone yet it felt completely raw. 

How would he know if it was the correct emotion?

It seemed that the author already forgotten his question as if it were completely nothing. Akihiko took out his pack of cigarettes as well as his lighter, seeming not to give any care of the smoking policy of the building. Apparently, he didn’t care about the camboy’s own policy either despite the annoyed glance. He lit his coffin nail, directing a stern look towards the brunette and poked his eyes up towards a vent on the ceiling. Misaki sighed in defeat, understanding that the author wasn’t going to put it out. 

It was the small mini arguments that somehow stuck with him. Of course there were no words spoken yet none were needed. The small, pouty looks given from one end and the snide movements were their own conversation. Akihiko’s small display of rebellion was endearing. Though he teased and had a stuck up tone of voice, it was comforting to Misaki’s ears and mind. He enjoyed those interactions. 

Even looking at him now, he felt starstruck. The man leaning against the side of the bed, his knees spread out as he moved into a comfortable position. Now that Misaki examined closer, there were bags under his eyes. A few shades darker than his pale complexion. Akihiko really had no room to be talking when he looked so tired. 

Somehow, the sight of him smoking calmed him down. The soft breaths Akihiko took with each inhale and exhale combined the scent of burning was enough for the fragile heartbeat to slow itself. This was of course the natural instinct of Misaki’s body over time. To his mind, smoking equaled peace. To see a comfortable person doing a thing of comfort, he felt the immediate urge to go near to be the most comfortable. 

It was only his instinct. 

Misaki set his empty cup down, letting it tip to the side as the weight of the fork overpowered it. Raising his arms upwards, he felt his shirt rise up to reveal his belly as he felt a small look towards him. He slumped over, his bare hands slamming against the cold wood floor but he inched his way towards Akihiko. He scooted towards him slowly which earned him a head tilted into his direction. 

He was now directly beside him, studying the silver haired male’s appearance closely. Did this count as “sizing up”? Probably but Misaki didn’t care. It'd be awkward explaining his actions though. All he knew is that he wanted - no,  _ needed _ to get as close as possible. 

"So, Usagi", he began in an attempt to hide his wandering eyes. "How was work?". 

Akihiko set his eyes on him then closed them as he inhaled the smoke. 

"Horrible. My editor nearly stabbed me". 

"What?! That's awful! Usagi, you should go to the-".

"I'm messing with you". The overly thick tone he had only made that comment more irritating. "But she did tell at me. I've been putting off writing for a bit so I was behind schedule…". 

"Why'd you ignore your work?". 

"I'm lazy". 

_ Yeah, no shit.  _ He did admire the author's honesty but his attitude was still trashy. Sitting with him felt oddly nice, especially since there was no hesitation in either's words. The lack of tension was so lovely;Misaki could feel himself smile but had to stop himself. He was only a few scoots away from him as he felt the other man's sudden warmth which radiated. The dark smog gently flew upwards into the vent, flowing like it was a liquid almost. 

"Speaking of work...", Akihiko murmured. "Aren't you supposed to be busy right now?". 

"Huh?". The question forced that earlier comfort to shift. "What do you mean, Usagi-san?". 

"It's night isn't it? Shouldn't you be…". His husky voice trailed off yet his eyes suddenly flicked open in a panic. Misaki never saw such an expression of such horror. His soft lilac eyes grew hard, and his pupils grew just a few clicks smaller. 

It was only for a few seconds before Akihiko immediately regained composure. What the hell is with that? What’s the big deal?

Was Misaki supposed to be working? What did he mean?

He thought for a moment. Then it hit him. 

_ It was a stream night. _

Potential money had been thrown down the drain. But that didn't matter. It didn't at all yet...Was Akihiko alluding to it? 

The panic hit him. His throat went numb and his breath stopped itself. He stared at the other, trying to comprehend what the fuck he's just heard. Did Akihiko  _ know _ ? Does he fucking know? 

What the fuck does he mean? 

Misaki swallowed, clenching his jaw so hard he thought it'd break. Akihiko was back into his usual poker face but the ash that built up on the tip of his fag grew then broke off. The burning black dropped soundlessly to the ground. 

Just moments before, that calm expression morphed into one of complete terror. He had never seen the author make such a face. The attempted morph to regain the pleasant atmosphere only added to the fact something was wrong. 

And it very much was. That person could not know. He shouldn’t know in the first place. He just couldn’t. If he did then what did it mean? Did he see him naked? That’d be incredibly embarrassing. To even think a friend of yours did those type of things and accepted money from complete strangers would be a dream. It’s not like it deserves to be frowned upon yet...the thought of someone you could trust being disgusted by your action is a nightmare. 

Misaki knew he had to deny it. Else, he’d never be able to live. He could not live with himself if the one person he felt close to thought he was disgusting. He'd hate knowing that so much that he knew he could literally die.

However, that was only a thought. 

“Haha...Ha Ha ha…”, he breathed. The lump in his throat forced his laugh to be strained. The anxiety was clear enough for Akihiko to look his direction. His eyes were calm but that was not enough for Misaki. “What’re you talking about?”. 

Akihiko blinked. His eyes moved to the left, then went back to focus on the brunette. 

“Misaki”, he spoke. His voice was slick yet there was a gentle quiver. “You, uh...You told me you work some nights so I thought you’d deny my visit...Are you taking a night off?”. 

Those words slapped the anxious mess of a camboy in the face.

“Huh?-”. 

“Didn’t you tell me you work every so often at night when we hung out once? Why’re you...”. 

"Wait, what…? Usagi...".

"You told me".

Oh. 

_ Oh.  _

The facial expression he made must have been pretty exaggerated due to the fact Akihiko smirked. Then he laughed. It was embarrassing to forget shit he SHOULD HAVE remembered but didn’t. The fact he was ready to shut down completely over it was just...difficult to get over. The author still laughed though. In complete honesty, it was very much laughable.

He giggled, having to take his cigarette so he wouldn’t accidentally swallow it. The tense air faded as his voice came out so sporadically. Misaki’s face flushed an even deeper red than before. He wanted to jump in a hole but was met with a hard slap on the shoulder. 

“Why’re you so nervous for? No need to be”. 

_ Not like you didn’t just look scared a few minutes ago... _ That thought was dismissed as soon as Akihiko scooted directly next to him, still chuckling. His dreaded fast heart beats went ten times faster as now the man he admired was so close...Very close. He doubt his face could get any redder than before. He must’ve looked like he was upside down for an hour. 

Akihiko managed to finally regain his composure when he sighed. He put out his cigarette onto the table, inherently leaving a dark circular mark onto it while it let out it’s low burning hiss. He looked up, then down. Only a few moments passed before he noticed how close he was yet he didn’t care. He gently nuzzled into the other man’s shoulder, burying his face into the soft fabric of his shirt and whatever skin was exposed. The sudden affection only managed to make the brunette more shaken. 

Still, he enjoyed it. Despite that little scare, he felt happy. He was ecstatic to feel the author cuddle against him. The hot, slow breaths against his shoulder made most of his muscles relax yet the heart still went insane. He had forgotten how affectionate Akihiko could get. 

It was clearly platonic affection but he felt so alive. Just before, he felt calm. Then he felt scared and now he felt nervous but happy. To think one person was capable of making him going through so many emotions in 1 night was such an odd realization. One must be completely responsible for their own feelings but somehow, another man was able to cause him such blissful distress. Akihiko wrapped his arms lightly around him, raising his head to him. 

“You didn’t answer my question”. Misaki parted his lips slightly, then shut them. Akihiko cocked his head. “Did you take a night off of work?”. 

“Oh, yeah...Actually, to be honest, I completely forgot…”,he forcibly smiled to hide his attachment. “I was thinking about you coming over so much that I just put it out my mind so it’s your fault. Now that’s less money for me”. He put on his usual pout, making Akihiko smile sweetly. It was so cute to him. 

“I can give you some cash or put some in your bank account to make up for it if you’d like. I think you deserve it since you’re a hard worker”. The odd act of generosity from out of the blue made him break the puffed cheeked look as Misaki giggled. He nudged the author off but Akihiko’s arms were still loosely hanging onto his small frame. 

“Don’t be weird about it, stupid. Even if you did, I’d give it to my brother”. The statement caused Akihiko to lift his brow. 

“Your brother?”. 

“Ah, yeah. I’m actually saving up to help him out since he has a family now and he's expecting another baby. I don’t really like spending anything on myself unless it’s rent and bills and whatnot”. 

“It’s good to be selfish once in awhile. You ever buy yourself new clothes or get some new furniture?”. 

“Um...Not really. I haven’t grown much so I’ve been keeping the same wardrobe since my freshman year”. 

“See, you need to go out and enjoy yourself. You can afford to buy new things”, Akihiko said before he got closer. He hugged him tight, squeezing the other with a firm grip. Misaki flinched a bit but let himself be embraced. It felt too good. He could might not ever experience this again. “Tell you what, why don’t we go shopping together sometime?”. 

"Well, uh- um…Maybe in the future", Misaki's voice wavered. 

Akihiko pressed himself against him, pushing him into the side of the bed where his back was now against. To be in a position like this wasn’t new to the camboy but this time, it felt far more pleasant. He was used to being shoved against a hard wall, the floor, any mattress that was often a dirty motel one. Clients liked to hug him and kiss him but it was always forced and rough. He had never felt so gently cared for. 

He's never been so into being held like this. 

_ Oh jeez... What's wrong with me?  _ He was very hesitant to hug him back but it’s not like he didn’t want to. It was just too embarrassing. Instead, he leaned into his chest. His hair pressed against his torso as well as his ear and heard the gentle heart beat of the other man. He couldn't help but nuzzle into his chest subtly, praying Akihiko wouldn't notice. 

"Misaki…". 

"Hm…?". He rose his head to look at the author. Love was pure in his eyes. He never realized he could depend so much on him. At first, he knew he was strange. He still is. He had debated on even wanting to love him but he felt so soft in his heart.  

"Speaking of your brother, he called me a while ago". 

"Really…?". His voice trailed. 

"He and I were friends in high school but he never spoke to me after graduation. It was pretty weird". 

"What'd you two talk about?". 

"That's classified". 

"Asshole, the fuck does that mean?". 

"Can't tell you". 

"Why would you bring it up then?! Usagi, you're so…!". 

"I'm so what?". He brought his face closer to Misaki's, making him jump. Their noses touched so lightly, the closeness making the brunette somewhat excited. He could see the soft shade of purple in Akihiko's eyes so clearly. Their lips were so close too. He was clearly being platonic… right? He said he was usually close with his friends so it was nothing more...right? The possibility of him flirting was suddenly giving Misaki butterflies. (Or he really just didn’t understand the concept of personal space). 

It was obviously platonic and he would have been fine with that. However, it stung. 

_ Is it okay if I enjoy this more than he does?  _ His lips quivered.  __

“You’re...just so weird”, he managed to speak out. “Why do you like being so mean? It’s really really REALLY annoying…”. He turned his head yet still nuzzled into the warmth. He felt the other man chuckle then felt a familiar hand on his scalp. He lightly combed his soft hair, sometimes gripping a chunk before tangling his slender fingers into the locks. The light touches felt good as he gently massaged his head, petting him softly. 

“You’re just easy to mean to. It’s cute seeing you mad”, Akihiko smiled. “Anyway, did you give him my number?”. 

“Oh, yeah. He asked for it while we were on the phone. He seemed pretty excited about you, Usagi-san”. 

“Well, it’s not every day that your old high school friend is suddenly involved with your brother”. Misaki nodded slowly, still resting his head against the man’s chest. To be having a conversation with him would be so normal but somehow, it was a billion times more special. His heart still raced and ran a marathon. 

Then, a thought came to mind. It wouldn't hurt to get to know his love better. 

“Usagi”, he looked upwards. “Um...Do you have any siblings?”. 

The soft expression Akihiko once held went grim. His face went pale as he looked away from the brunette. Misaki felt the tension build back up again but it was quickly brought back down as the man looked back at him. 

“I do...I have a brother but we don’t talk often”. His voice was thick yet so soft spoken. Almost like he was trying to whisper. Obviously, it was an uncomfortable question for him. Misaki could feel his stomach sink...How could he just make him feel discomfort?!

There was a large, uncomfortable gut punch. A different tone in voice was enough to send him over the edge. It was now only confirming his worst fears. He was overly dependent already. 

He had always been dependent. 

What the hell is wrong with him? Did he think he can just ask Akihiko something personal? How selfish of him! To be able to know personal information was completely undeserving to someone like  _ him _ .

….Is what he thought Akihiko must have been thinking. It was only natural, right? Akihiko must feel disgusted towards him. That has to be why he was uncomfortable. 

_ It has to be. _

Akihiko still held him yet his hands were frozen. Misaki wanted to stab and tear himself open right there. It would be less painful than the horrible guilt he was drowned in. 

“Aha!-”, he forced out in an attempt to destroy the dreadful silence. The nasally voice crack he just had made it awkward. “Why? Is he busy a lot or something? Well, I guess that’s natural! If you’re a rich guy then he must be a busy with a job and...stuff…”. His voice went silent as he reached the end. He really wasn’t helping his own case. He knew he had to get rid of this tension but it sounded obvious what he was doing. 

"Misaki...". Now there was worry covering his tone...not a good sign. 

"Let me guess! You come from a rich family and you were an outcast and you and your brother are arch rivals! You had a Butler and a dog and a cat and when you were 18, you booked it out of there to get away from your family cause you don't like them!". His smile must've looked incredibly exaggerated while he forced it. It was all to make Akihiko laugh again. It had to make him laugh again, right? It's such a far fetched idea but instead of a chuckle, he was met with a stern gaze. 

"How...". Akihiko stared into his soul. "How did you know?". 

_ Are you serious?! _ It wasn't a laugh but that was a joke so real it wasn't even funny to begin with. This person was way more weird that he would have imagined. Akihiko had his blank expression back which was better than looking anxious. It was better than anything. 

He looked to the side, then scooted away. It broke the closeness they once shared, only causing Misaki feel worse about the situation. He got up and went towards the shopping bags he brought in to bring out a few bottles of alcohol. He made his way back to Misaki, handing him one of the small bottles while smirking.

It wasn’t forcibly worn but somehow very sorrowful.  

"Hey, don't look so weird. I came here to hang out so let's drink a little". The reassurance managed to instantly make the camboy’s feelings calm down. Still, the drastic changes he felt weren't normal. 

_ Is it...normal to get scared so easily just by someone looking different…? Am I really getting my emotions dependent based on how this guy just LOOKS at me?!  _ He bit his lip.  _ No way. I'm so fucking pathetic.  _ He shut his eyes, praying he wouldn’t notice how worried he was. 

Then there was a sudden hard flick towards his forehead, making him yelp and open his eyes once more. Akihiko towered over him even though he leaned over to get to his level. Misaki looked up at him only to see him softly smiling. 

"Misaki, hun, you're being quiet again", he purred. Akihiko extended his hand to ruffle his hair, then pulled him up before pushing him hard onto the bed. He landed onto the mattress, hoping the bottle he held wouldn't open by accident. His eyes were shut again and when he opened them, he saw the author get in bed beside him as he cracked open his glass bottle. His lips gently curled around the clear opening, slowly drinking the beverage. 

Misaki's heart thumped hard as he sat up. Drinking was risky but it never hurt to get wasted once in awhile. He was  _ very _ interested in getting drunk. He could still feel the harsh atmosphere so being intoxicated was a way better option. The brunette pulled off the cap, hovering the opening under his nose to inhale the harsh scent. 

It was a standard liquor though he didn’t recognize the brand. He was hesitant to drink but after glancing over at the author who was focused on now lighting another cigarette, he downed the beverage. 

He started chugging but the taste was so sharp that it was like something was slicing the inside of his throat. He gagged, pulling away as he coughed harshly into his hand. Akihiko was alerted, lightly hitting his back to calm him down. He hacked and wheezed, Akihiko whispering for him to take slow breaths. 

As soon as he managed to pull himself together, Akihiko took ahold of his face and pulled him over to look directly at him. 

“Misaki, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting strange”. Misaki attempted to move his head away but the author held him firmly. “Listen, I know you feel bad about asking about my family. I can tell. You’re making it way too obvious”. 

He lowered his eyes shamefully. Then suddenly, he was met with a gentle peck on the forehead which caught his attention. 

_ Another kiss?!  _ His eyes shot up;though he was very flustered from it, he was irritated. Did this man learn nothing?! Before he could speak out, Akihiko shushed him. 

“Let me finish, idiot”. He released his face, leaving a stinging aftermath. His firm was hard and rough, leaving a reddish mark though it wasn’t anything to complain about. It ached just a little bit but not enough to shout over. He looked over at Akihiko, who was focusing on his cigarette and inhaling. He pulled it out his mouth to breathe out the smog. “Listen...My brother nor my parents get along with me that well at all. But it’s not a big deal, I’m an adult. I’m sorry if I made you think I was uncomfortable. I was just caught off guard since I usually don’t get asked about my personal life”. 

The bottle Misaki once held was on the floor now, all its contents had spilled. How depressing. 

“I know you feel bad but I’m happy”. He leaned in once more, pressing his lips against the brunette’s cheek but it was more of a gentle touch as he began to nuzzle against his face. Misaki could feel his heart beat out of chest from all the affectionate contact. There was no way he’d be able to get used to it. “I mean...I’m happy as in that you’re trying to get to know me. You’re a sweet person for thinking of me”. 

He could feel himself get hot. The bitter feeling he felt washed away...He always disliked how easy he was to read but he was glad. Akihiko noticed he was feeling down and that meant so much. He glanced at the author’s cigarette in hand, which let out the smoke gently. 

“Usagi-san, I’m, uh...I’m sorry that I keep killing the mood…”, he apologized. “It’s just...We’re friends and stuff...and um, you’re the first person who I’ve really been comfortable with...and uh…”. He didn’t manage to be able to find the correct words but Akihiko understood. He understood well. 

“It’s okay”. He reached towards his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t have much to tell since you kinda got everything down. So if anything happens, I’ll gladly update you”. Misaki felt far too many emotions to understand what he was even feeling. He had the urge to cry...which he did. 

Tears flooded in his eyes but Akihiko didn’t seem to mind. 

He just gladly wiped them off, lightly kissing his cheek as he pushed his own alcohol bottle into Misaki to replace the one that had spilled. Misaki didn’t understand how he felt anymore but all he could do was lean into each kiss but he did not let him go near his lips. 

He would have to confess his own love in order to allow that to happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked that,, sorry if the ending to this chapter seemed rushed but the next chapter might be kinda depressing but maybe might be fluffy,, i gotta check the plot skeleton i made but uhh just a reminder that the "original character(s)/misaki takahashi" tag is about randoms with no purpose other than to show misaki's harsh experience with sex work since sex work is a really stressful job so dont expect to see the same original character twice  
> Plus don't expect Misaki's confession thing to happen anytime soon since a lot of stuff is still going down so i hope that when it happens, it's worth it! Hope you guys liked reading this hot mess


	11. Staying Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko struggles to wonder if he's worthy of even being near Misaki after only seeing him in an erotic way for awhile. Now he can't leave while Misaki struggles on deciding how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [BIG SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING]  
> this took forever and i stopped editing near the end so if there's mistakes, sorry,,,  
> This chapter was originally going to be WAY longer but i realized it'd probably be too long to be 1 chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Is masturbating to someone’s camshow normal? Yes. That's what bidders usually do. Is befriending the cam show host after awhile of doing so normal? Probably not. How did it get to this? 

It was just a mere coincidence. It’s not impossible to see a sex worker you recognize from a website. They’re normal people trying to make a living after all yet seeing someone you’ve only known through the internet was such an foreign feeling. It’s certainly embarrassing, since all you can think when you see them is “I’ve seen you naked”. Then you wonder how other people see them. 

Do they stop and think: “I wonder why this person chose this type of work?” or “I wonder if I can take this person home if I talk to them”? Akihiko certainly can’t say he’s not guilty of thinking of the second option. He did feel horrible for it. 

Once you stop and get to know that person, all you feel is regret for how you used to view them. 

He sat on a comfortable bed, holding a clingy camboy who had a little bit too much to drink. Just before, he was an anxiety driven mess who couldn’t stop sniffling through cries. He kept bawling and trying to wipe the snot he shed with his bare arms. It was definitely gross which led the author to panic since he wasn’t exactly used to grabbing a toilet paper roll for someone in such a distressed state. Misaki kept trying to speak but most were unintelligible;Akihiko could only make out the few words such as “Don’t deserve it” and “I’m sorry”. 

It was...uncomfortable to say the least.

 Now, Misaki was a sleepy, drunk mess. It was usual for the people who Akihiko drank with to be an overly active drunk or to be a sexual drunk, which usually led to the usual one night stands. This person, however, was too exhausted to even move away from the comfortable place he sat upon. 

Misaki held onto the author’s arm tight, his head resting against his side. His mouth was a bit parted, drool hanging off from his lips. Despite being asleep, his grip was extremely firm. Akihiko couldn’t move his arm from that spot.

It would have been a very peaceful looking scene...if it weren’t for the violently howling wind he could hear through the distance window and through the surprisingly thin door. The past weeks and months have been very cold, sometimes the temperature was close to freezing. Snow wasn’t exactly an anomaly but it didn’t come often to the point where anyone was prepared. 

He took his phone from his pocket, checking the time to see it was nearly 2 AM. Akihiko knew he could just set Misaki into bed and let him rest but leaving him alone would be too risky. The sudden dangers of his mental health were now apparent due to the fact his earlier behavior came out of the blue. What if the alcohol still had him under the influence if he woke up? Very unlikely but  _ what if?  _ There was a chance he’d be very disheartened if the author suddenly vanished when he awoke. Akihiko didn’t want to be responsible for any ill emotions. 

Obviously he managed to scare himself and Misaki since he nearly revealed that he knew about his cam shows...that would be awful to bring into light during a time. He still refused to be able to talk about it since how awkward would that be? Plus, the more he thought about it, the more...ashamed Misaki seemed to be of it. 

Akihiko still had to figure things out. 

He still felt horrible for causing him to panic for another reason as well. Why didn’t he ever tell Misaki about his personal life sooner? They’re friends, aren’t they? If he knew so much about Misaki’s relationship with Takahiro then wasn’t it fair to talk about his own family once in awhile? 

Of course, it DID make him uncomfortable to talk about it. It’s not like him and his brother were fine with talking to each other. It’s not like him and anyone in his family were fine with each other. His family wasn’t really a good one. 

He had a strong distaste for his sibling, his mother, his father, and everyone that came after. It was best not to speak about it. Didn’t he have the right not to speak about anything regarding them even if anyone asked? Yes but then again, Misaki and him were friends. Just friends. 

He only had one major friend in his life but he was nearly gone with the wind and Takahiro wasn’t in touch often so...Misaki was really left. He lead on white lies to calm him down. If anything were to be ruined...then he’d really be alone.

Isn’t that pathetic? 

There is no room for sympathy however. He didn’t deserve it if he just saw Misaki as a piece of meat before. Though...It’d be best to take small steps with him. If he didn’t want to be uncomfortable with speaking about personal matters, he’d have to talk about them. It was obvious the camboy understood and respected his comfort and boundaries. That made Akihiko smile just a bit, knowing there was a thin border holding off from unease. He cares about his life. Someone actually  _ cares _ for him. There was no way Akihiko would let him go. 

He wanted to stay with him. Perhaps it’s really best if they get to know each other normally...even if it meant telling him about how he knew of him in the first place. 

A choked snort caught his attention, directing his eyes down towards his dearest. Misaki was barely awake as he leaned into his arm, his grip much looser than before. 

The author carefully pushed him back onto the mattress, making sure not to disturb him as he set the blankets on top of him. It was especially cold that night and even with the heater constantly turned on, there was a harsh chill in the thin air. He lay completely motionless, his mouth still opened somewhat. Akihiko couldn’t help but lightly push his jaw upwards to close it shut, wiping off the saliva trailed on his chin with his sleeve. 

Though he didn’t intend to leave, he at least wanted to outside for a late night smoke. However, as soon as he touched the door knob to lead out, he immediately took his hand back. 

It was ice cold. 

 

Misaki slowly lifted his eyes and was met with a gouging pain. His head throbbed, almost like it was going to be split open. His eyes shut to refresh from the questionable dryness they felt.  

_ Ugh, I feel like I’m gonna puke... _ Slowly sitting up, he immediately shivered and his brain felt like it went through a loop, demanding to be laid back down. His hand gripped onto his locks of messy hair, tugging at it as he attempted to focus on what exactly had gone down. 

What happened last night again? His head ached...He could remember drinking with Akihiko so he must’ve passed out. It was what usually happened after all;he could never drink too much. He was such a lightweight that it made going out to a bar to make ‘nightly rounds’ a lot riskier. Nothing good was to come of that. Misaki blinked, peering down and lifted his shirt up to check for any marks or bruises. Then he checked if his underwear was still on.Thankfully, it was. 

The apartment was still the safe but there were empty bottles of alcohol scattered on the floor, some empty and other unopened. There was a roll of toilet paper on the floor with possibly ‘used’ tissue scattering the floor as well. It lead the camboy who was sadly familiar with this type of situation to squint his eyes with both disappointment and disgust. 

_ I don’t think anything HAPPENED last night. My clothes are on so like, that’s a safe sign... All I remember doing is crying over some stupid shit. I talked to Usagi-san too... _ He turned to his front, still gripping at his own hair and subtly yanking at it. A sudden, deep slow beating occured in his chest.  _ That’s right...We talked about that ‘stupid shit’...He was wiping my cheeks and still kissing me too.  _ He used his other hand to lightly investigate his cheek, forehead and wherever he could touch on his face except for his lips. He dared not to touch them. There was no point. 

It wasn’t a lie that he had feelings for Akihiko. After all, he yearned to touch the author’s body with more than just heated lust. He wouldn’t mind being ‘taken’ by him in the bed he laid in. He didn’t mind being passionately kissed, in fact, he  _ wanted _ to kiss. He always felt his stomach poke his guts each time he felt those wet, soft lips on his body. He was excited, terrified, happy and pained each time he could feel Akihiko smooch his skin. Misaki knew he was feeling more than just sexual desire, it was so much deeper. 

If he could see him than more than someone he could possibly have sex with, it had to be love. The urges to hug him, constantly talk to him, to kiss him back, to just be near...it must be deep. However, the reality of every kiss laid upon him came to crush his heart. Akihiko had told that this was how he was taught to express concern and comfort. 

Each gentle peck could never be as deep as Misaki’s deep want for the author’s heart.

_  I really don’t know anything about Usagi-san. I don’t wanna pry into his life since it’s really not my business but still... Even though, we talked, I still- _

“Misaki-”. He perked up, but instantly looked back down from the pulsing sting. His eyes fluttered upwards to see a familiar man, holding a cup of water and a few tablets. 

_ Wait a second...Why is Usagi-san still- _

“I didn’t wanna leave you alone last night”, Akihiko stated in an almost robotic like fashion like he could read his mind. He wandered closer to the other man, sitting beside him and handing him the pills and glass. “Your head must hurt. You drank a lot”. 

“N-No shit it does ...I'd be out of bed by now if it didn’t…”. His shoulders lowered as he took the cup and took each tablet. Akihiko gazed at him while he downed the drink with each pill, leaning over his peck his cheek. Misaki jolted, nearly spitting it out. “Didn’t I tell you to quit that?! Don’t just do what you want!”. 

“I forgot, sorry”. 

“Like hell you forgot! You just wanna piss me off...You need to ask first”. 

“Well,  _ can _ I kiss you a little bit? You were a mess last night after all”. Misaki blinked, turning his head away to pout in private. He could hear the other man chuckle. “I think you’re well deserving of some love right now, crybaby”. 

_ “Crybaby”? This jackass...but I do remember tearing up so he’s not wrong... _

“You already kissed me so it’s not like I can stop you…”. With that, Akihiko smirked before leaning in, gently raising his bangs before planting a soft kiss upon his forehead. Before he made his way down to the rest of his face, the brunette turned back towards him before gently nudging him away. “Actually…”, he murmured. “I’m sorry for last night. I made it awkward..I went to sleep, didn’t I? You didn’t have to spend the night”. 

He scooted back, glancing at the front door then back at Misaki. 

“Well, it’d be bad if you happened to wake up, still drunk, with no one to make sure you’re not making a complete ass of yourself”. He sighed, stretching his arms into the air before locking eyes. “Plus, I can’t really leave anyway…Not that I’m complaining”. 

“Hm? What do you mean?”. Misaki laid back down, noticing Akihiko scooting back towards him before gently resting his hand upon his hair. 

“It’s snowing right now….”. He used his other hand to dig into his pocket, taking his phone out to show the weather forecast. “If you don’t believe this then go look out the window”. Surely enough, it was freezing out but it wasn’t just “snowing”...It was almost a damn blizzard. 

He sat back up, snatching his phone to see for himself. This had to be some form of omen or a curse. It RARELY snowed in their area! 

“The roads are icy right now so I can’t drive home. Do you mind if I crash here today till it clears up, Misaki?”. 

“Yes, I mind! You got me drunk as hell last night, you bitch!”,he shouted. “Did you do something to me while I slept? You did, didn’t you!”. 

“Relax, you weren’t even letting me move a muscle. Clingy, much?”. He winked, flicking his tongue out to tease him. Misaki gritted his teeth, then crossed his arms. 

“Dick. I’ll have you know I get worried each time I get drunk so excuse me for caring about my well being!”. 

“It’s fine, I wouldn’t wanna touch you even if you weren’t drunk. You probably haven’t showered either”. He flicked his forehead, making the camboy wince in pain. He stood from the bed, making his way towards the kitchen. Misaki gazed at him from across the apartment, then began to search his bed for his own phone. Once he felt it, he grabbed it to check the time. 

It was 12 PM already...Later than when he’d like to be awake. He could feel the cold air despite the heater being at full blast, which wasn’t a good sign. There was no way he could work that night at his usual corners and performing would be uncomfortable. Plus, if Akihiko were to stay the night, it’d be an awkward situation. 

He carefully inched off the bed, touching the floor with his foot. It was f _ reezing _ . He tiptoed his way towards his closet, taking his towel out slowly. He then carefully made his way to the bathroom, hoping Akihiko didn't notice him. 

Sadly, he caught his stare from passing by the kitchen. The author snickered, covering his smile with his hand. 

“I was joking about you not showering...You really haven’t bathed?”. 

“S-Shut up! I’m busy everyday, y’know! Besides, why’re you in my kitchen? Are you planning to cook?”. 

“I wanna try...But I don’t know how to turn on this thing”. He pointed towards the stove, gently tapping the knobs. Misaki walked over, kneeling down before pointing at each unturned knob. 

“These are for each little fire thing on top...There’s some labels on here with each temperature based on how hot you want the fire to be. But make sure not to turn anything all the way and if you do, turn it back to one of the numbered labels”. He tapped each one, trailing his finger around each tick mark and number before looking back at the author. “Don’t you have a stove in your big mansion?”. 

“I do but I don’t really use it. I don’t live in a mansion either”. 

“Why? Do you have a maid to do everything for you or a personal chef? You’re rich after all so…”. 

“I don’t like having other people in my house besides myself. The stove’s untouched since I prefer to order food or go out to eat...Or I just come here”. Misaki stood up, towel still in arm. 

“I can’t cook for you forever. Shouldn’t you just hire someone to cook for you? Going out to eat all the time isn’t healthy”. 

“Yes but your cooking is already good enough for me...Plus I hate it when people are in my house and touching my things”. 

“Hmm…”. Misaki turned towards the bathroom door, then looked back at the violet eyed hellspawn. “Maybe I should go into your kitchen and cook for you there so you can get your work done while I cook. Your junk’s needs to be used sooner or later, y’know”, he giggled. 

Instead of opposition, he was met with a questionable yet somehow hopeful look from Akihiko. 

“Well…”, he began. “I guess if it was you...Then I’d gladly let you in”. 

_ Ah...no... _ His face suddenly grew hot, his insides flaming yet his skin felt like it was pure ice. He blushed, quickly turning away to go to the bathroom. He didn’t want to be seen like this. 

“Ahaha…! Then I guess that’s a future possibility!”,he laughed. His voice cracked but he refused to check himself as he barged into the bathroom, quickly shutting it. He managed to lock the door, yet he fumbled with the knob from the sheer gentle panic he was set in. To be completely flustered by that sort of comment was embarrassing. He couldn’t imagine the expression the author must have had at the sudden panic. 

Dropping the towel onto the floor, he slowly inched his way towards the shower area. He made his way past the mirror and sink, looking at himself for a split second before facing away. As he turned the knob, Misaki slowly slipped his clothes off one by one. After removing everything, he stepped in and let the water run down his chilled body. He tangled his fingers through his hair, rubbing the shampoo and conditioner into his scalp. His hair completely tangled, full of bubbles and suds, running out his face, the back of his head, and down the sides then going straight into the echoing drain. 

Misaki didn’t bother using his fingers to help rinse it all off. The water coming from the shower head was just enough to ensure he’d be in there for quite awhile. He couldn’t bear to face Akihiko, especially after getting shy over a sweet sentence. He must’ve had a look of dumbfoundment after the sudden take off...Imagining it only made the camboy giggle at his own feats. It was so amusing to him. He could say dirty things and be told threats as well as suggestive sentences but somehow Akihiko saying he wouldn’t mind letting him in...completely warped his mind. Once it managed to be safe enough to open his eyes to avoid any sort of pain, he used a rag to clean off his skin from the day and night’s old grime. 

The steam of the water managed to the bathroom, creating a pure white mist. He turned the cold water dial up a bit, but just as he went to move his hands back to his body, he took a good look at them. Water ran against them, leaving a dryness in his throat. He wondered if his hands were worthy of being held by Akihiko. He could remember where his hands had been most nights. 

_ Eek...Just remembering the types of things I’ve done makes me cringe. I thought Usagi-san knew what I do for a living last night and I almost ratted myself out! God, how could I forget I told him I work at night usually... He’s never pried into my business but I wonder if I should tell him.  _ His knees lowered, letting himself sit down onto the floor of the shower area.  _ Would his opinion on me change? This is the easiest job I’ve got but it’s hard to do sometimes… I haven’t finished my school work either. He’s gonna make me work on it with him today, huh? Ugh. _

His legs slowly spread themselves apart. The bruises that were once there were faded but he could recall how exactly he had gotten them. Akihiko bought the lie that he got hurt by himself and probably had forgotten it by now. Misaki was used to that sort of treatment from clients but now that he was seeing the author much, much more...it’d start getting dangerous. 

He hadn’t been doing his camshows as frequently he as he used to nor was he out making his rounds on the same usual corners. Money was definitely tight, especially since his job at the convenience store wasn’t reliable at all. His boss was a bit iffy, surely using the money Misaki had earned for himself for his own use and only giving him a sliver. It was frustrating as all hell, and his coworkers just went silent about it or quit. There was no way he could quit however. Then what job would he say he had? 

_ After this weather clears up, I need to go do another show. Then I need to go out...My rent bill is coming and stupid Usagi keeps visiting so late! It’s his fault I’m not doing enough!  _ He balled his hands, laying them down on the wet tile floor. Warm water ran down his body, down the walls, past the floor and into the drain. His heat was rising but not enough for him to be in any sort of danger.  _ I...I really need money right now...But I wanna stay with Usagi and not do anything. If he saw me online, would he...no..he wouldn’t.  _ He bit his lip. _ I like him.  _

He trailed his fingers against his flesh, spreading his legs further apart as he caressed his thighs. He was used to the usual customers. Usually they weren’t attractive, average height or taller, etc. Sometimes they looked pretty good, which made it easier to kiss them and what not. They still had the same, vulgar thought process however. It was normal to go out and get paid by someone to have sex but of course some were much more violent than others.  _ Much _ more violent. The man he was with, the night where Akihiko had waited for him, wasn’t even the worst person he’s been with. 

Akihiko didn’t come from the most loving household yet it was obvious he must have had a lavish life. As someone who lived in struggle constantly, Misaki wouldn’t be lying if he said he was jealous. Takahiro had always been bent out of shape over work, and watching him come home had been painful to look at. The author must’ve been given a life of luxury as soon as he was born. He must’ve never worried about going through hard labor. 

Misaki still liked him though. He was practically the ideal man. Tall, handsome, rich, you name it. He was a bit of a dry texter at times but that didn’t bother Misaki. He was overly affectionate at times with those sudden kisses which they still needed to talk over. They were acts of platonic affection...Odd but it wasn’t his business to investigate the author’s thought process. He silently wished they were romantic though. 

He wished. 

It ached knowing they had little meaning outside of small comfort. Misaki understood he didn’t want to be kissed on the lips for now but he had the urge to feel Akihiko there. He noticed he tried to kiss him there but the camboy only turned away...he had a soft regret for that denial. 

Misaki could feel his skin heat yet he couldn’t tell if it was from the steam or from his thoughts. He continued to gently stroke his skin, then moved his fingers higher to lightly rub his inner thigh. 

_ I really like Usagi-san...But what if I...No, I shouldn’t. I’m gross. I’m so gross…! I’ve been touched by so many people, it’s not even funny! But then again, Usagi-san is really... _ He felt his fingers gently rub against his shaft, which began to perk up the more he thought. The blood rushed downwards, making him think of much more thoughts regarding the author.  _ He’s so pretty...I really like him.  _

His right hand stroked his sensitive flesh, which grew in size until it was fully erect. He fondled himself, pumping his shaft over and over whilst his left hand traveled towards his small hole. He lightly rubbed the entrance with his index finger as he slouched against the wall, making sure his legs were a fair bit apart. Carefully, he inserted his finger inside. 

He jolted hard from his own touches, causing his temperature to rise up farther. Misaki rubbed himself, then once his insides were secure enough, he picked up the pace of thrusting his finger within himself. It took a bit to find his g-spot but he could feel the hard build up of tension rising, making him crave more. 

“Ah-!”. He grit his teeth, still touching himself. Despite the hard pouring of the shower, he still had the lingering fear of being heard by his dear friend. He rubbed his cock, which already began leaking precum. It wasn’t a surprise, it had been awhile since he last masturbated. It ran down against his fingers, combined with the shower water then ran down even quicker into the drain. He continued to finger himself, biting into himself so he wouldn’t make even a peep.

_ Usagi-san...How would he be like…?  _ He breathed hard through his teeth, slipping another finger inside himself as he began a scissoring motion with them and moved parts of his digits upwards to touch other sensitive areas. He shut his eyes and mouth, thinking of the author as his mind went into a pure state of bliss and pleasure.  _ How would he touch me...He’d probably kiss me hard..I wanna kiss him...  _

Misaki thought of the author’s hands travelling his body. His fingers are long and slender, the lingering smell of cigarettes was an odd form of comfort for him. He yearned to be able to sit upon his lap, smelling his chest and kissing his neck just to show his love for the man. He thought of holding his hand, pressing it against his lips and gently kissing and licking it. Now that he thought about it, he hasn’t really seen what Akihiko looked like without a long shirt or pants so his body underneath was a complete mystery.

 He jacked himself off, roughly fingering himself as he imagined Akihiko on top of him and leaning in to press his lips against his. His skin would be cold, yet heat up under Misaki’s touch. He craved to be able to feel that as they kissed. 

_ I love him… He's so nice to me and he’s so mean sometimes but I love him…He’s so pretty and I don’t deserve him but I love him! _ His nipples perked up, both erect and though Misaki had the urge to play with them, both his hands were busy. 

That led to him thinking about Akihiko kissing his body, he imagined him kissing his small body and touching him gently. The thought of him hugging him tight and touching him intimately, thrusting in and out of him and holding his hand tight further aroused the man, making him go rougher inside himself. 

_ I want to touch him...I wanna hug him tighter and cuddle him! I love him...I love him, I love him...His tongue would feel so good...I wanna feel his warm breath on me...Would he bite me? How rough would be get? Would he be gentle? I wonder how he had sex with his previous partners… _ His mind was as if it were being melted.  _ Maybe I should..I just wanna touch him...I wanna get closer to him, I don’t care how! I don’t even want his money, I just want him so badly! We’re stuck together and I just love him...I love him, I love him, I love him...I love him! _

“Mm...Usagi-san…”, he moaned. He could feel himself coming towards the edge, his motions getting faster and faster. The pressure was getting more intense, he was struggling to keep himself fully silent. It was like he was on mute with a remote control as water blasted downwards onto him. “A...Ah-!”. 

But just before he could manage to do his release, he took his right hand away. In a matter of moments, it came slamming down into the hard floor, knuckles hitting onto it. The sudden, sharp pain somehow managed to drive him over the edge. His jaw clenched hard while he made a small, muffled pained noise as he ejaculated onto himself. The fingers inside him stabbed him deep inside, still moving but slowed down over time. 

His knuckles and fingers of his right hand ached from the sudden blunt force that was the tiled floor. Water washed the semen off his belly as he sat slouched against the wall, getting rid of the small evidence that he’d touch himself at all. Misaki panted hard, eventually coming down from his harsh orgasm. His legs shook ever so lightly and his two fingers made their way outside of his tight, needy hole. There was only himself sitting there.

There was only the silence of his body and the pouring of the water. 

It was only a matter of minutes to pleasure himself. It was only a matter of minutes of fantasizing over his dear friend. His dearest. He had just masturbated over the man who was just outside the bathroom, just inside the apartment doing god knows what. 

Misaki could only stare at his own naked body and feel nothing but bitter disgust over himself. 

_ God...I just...I really just... _ He gagged hard, quickly holding his aching hand over his mouth while he scrambled towards the drain. He wretched into it, coughing hard and gagging till it his throat was about to rip open. He could feel his insides turn themselves inside out, bile coming out his small mouth. His  _ used _ mouth. The vomit pouring out, he could only feel the burning in his throat and the horrible anxiety he felt. Looking at it only forced his eyes to compare it to himself.

He saw that was filthy. He was disgusting. How could he just think about having sex with his friend like that and get off to it?! What the hell is wrong with him? Hell if he knew, but all he knew were the repeating thoughts. 

_ I’m gross, I’m gross, I’m so fucking gross...What the fuck did I just do?! Usagi-san could’ve walked in and saw if he just decided to invade my boundaries! Everyone else fucking does it so what makes him so fucking different?!  _ He panted, drool running from his lips like their own river. Despite his stomach being empty, he had the urge to throw up more. Misaki kept gagging, though was it even audible through the far door? Who knows? 

The camboy slouched, staring into the drain with the vomit slowly washing down into it. It reeked but its not like it would be there forever. He’d have to clean it later in case the stench sticks, then Akihiko would question it. It probably hasn’t even been 30 minutes since he stepped into wash himself and now he had felt dirtier than he did before he even scrubbed his skin. The fact that he managed to do all that in such a short time forced him to gag again but nothing would come out. 

He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. But all he knew he could do, for his own punishment, was to hurt. And so he did. 

He slammed his right hand onto the hard tiles;it hadn’t even recovered from the first hard blow yet he did it. A hard smacking sound could be heard but the author probably couldn’t hear anything at all. That was a good thing for the time being...

“Ow..fuck...Fuck!”. He grit his teeth as he smacked it once more, then another. As best as he tried to endure, Misaki could only wince in hard pain. It hurts like shit each time, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He slammed his knuckles repeatedly, even rubbing them violently against the tiles and between tile to scrape them up. It was a horrible idea yet the pain was a small release of his frustration...As a punishment, he believed it was necessary. However, it acted as some sort of relief to his boiling rage. 

It was like an eon had past till his hand shook violently but he couldn’t tell if it was from anger, fear, or any physical issue. He continued to hit it, huffing through his teeth but eventually...he felt no pain. He breathed hard through his mouth while he lifted to see exactly he had done to himself. 

His knuckles were bloody and red on each one. Though blood was dripping, it wasn’t a stream so it wasn’t exactly going to pour out of him. His fingers twitched involuntarily yet it was like his hand was numb...Perhaps his mind made the unconscious choice of not experiencing the pain.

_ God... _ He let his head hang off his shoulders.  _ I don’t deserve anything...I don’t even know him...I’m just a cheap whore at this point... _ Steadily, he used his bloody hand to turn the shower knobs, letting the water stop. Steam still covered the room but slowly began to fade just like his thoughts. 

_ I’m nothing.  _

 

Upon opening the door, there was a pleasant surprise waiting for him. Akihiko was still in the kitchen just across from the bathroom, perking his head towards the brunette. Beside him were two mugs, sitting on the hard countertop. 

“Oh, Misaki”. His voice despite being in the usual robotic, was a bit enthusiastic. Akihiko’s head was turned towards him, his eyes peering up and down to study his appearance. Misaki could see a warmth in them, a soft loving warmth. He couldn’t help but blush just a bit from the gentle staring.  

He wore a long sleeved top, as well as oversized sweatpants (Belonged to a past client who happen to forget them. Thank god he made sure to wash them before keeping them). Did Akihiko think he was cute? He sure hope he did. He craved that type of attention from him. Misaki walked towards the man, taking a look at the two mugs beside him on the counter. 

“I was gonna try to make something but I gave up”, the author stated. Misaki blinked, leaning over to inspect the stove. 

“Did you break it or something?”. 

“No but I don’t know the difference between pans so I was unsure of which one to use to make eggs”. This moron. He really did some rich kid household. He’s never had to cook a day in his life! “I made coffee though. Do you like coffee?”. 

Akihiko handed him a small mug, pushing it into his hands. It wasn’t hot at all, but definitely warm. The soft brown color seemed to give off a thick yet pleasant smell but taking another glance towards Akihiko showed the beverage in his hands was a deep black.  

“Did you make mine differently? Not that I mind but…”, questioned Misaki, taking a small sip. It tasted sweet but a bit chalky. He wasn’t used to drinking coffee at all so was this usually how it’s like? Or is it like that because it’s different? 

“I added milk to yours since you look like you’d complain about bitterness. Drink it, I made it just for you”. Despite the bitter remark, it was still sweet. He didn’t mind or care enough to snap back. He was right after all, Misaki didn’t care much for strong tastes. He often did prefer sweets. 

“Y’know, if you need help learning how to cook, you should just look it up. Just don’t destroy my kitchen if you do anything”. Before he knew it, he downed the beverage within moments. “Why’d you make me coffee anyway? I don’t think I ever said that I liked it…”. 

Akihiko set his now empty drink down towards the sink. 

“You’re still a little hung over so...I thought it’d help you”. 

“Oh…”. He turned his head to take a look at the sink, setting his empty mug inside. His heart skipped a beat. Akihiko really had been thinking of him. “Thanks, I guess...But I think it’s black coffee that helps with headaches”. 

“I’ll keep that in mind then,'' he chuckled. 

“Yeah..”.  Misaki had decided to wash the two mugs for the time being, killing some time. Turning on the faucet, pouring some dish soap into each empty cup and then washing them out. As he finished, he set them on the dish rack before taking a look at Akihiko who had already decided to sit on the bed he knew didn’t belong to him. It was when he leaned over to grab some familiar folders. Misaki sighed, already irritated from what was about to go down. 

Akihiko didn’t even lift his head from the now opened folders, taking out papers before calling out to the other man. 

“Misaki, remember when I first came here?”. 

“Uh, yeah…?”. 

“You said this is all due ‘by the end of next month’. It’s been a bit since we first started working on this. Looks like most of it’s done well enough…”, he looked upwards to see the camboy, still in the kitchen. “It’s already been awhile so the deadline should be really soon, correct?”. 

“Yeah, I think about..maybe next week or the week after? I can hand it in early”. Akihiko then beckoned, moving his index finger up to direct him towards him. 

“Come here then, lets get it all done today”. 

“Alright alright, fine…”. 

 

“Okay, read this out loud. Practice speaking without slurring your words”, Akihiko directed. He pointed his fingers towards a question, which was written in English. “Go on”. 

“ **A-Anser...da f..fol…** \- Usagi-san, do I HAVE to do this?”. 

“Well, better knowing how to speak the easiest language than not knowing how. What if you go to an interview and you see a foreigner?”. 

“I doubt any Americans or people from Europe would work and interview me here, Usagi-san. And English isn’t easy!”. 

“Then why does 90% of the world speak it?”. 

“That’s a made up statistic!”. 

“Anyway…”, he turned away to look back at the papers he ‘graded’. “You need to rework some of your grammar. Don’t you know that ‘ **your** ’ and ‘ **you’re** ’ are completely different?”. 

“Usagi-san, I literally have no idea what you’re saying”. 

“Of course you don't”, he sighed, flipping through reworked papers upon reworked papers. They were nearly done already, working nonstop. I can’t wait till this weather clears up so I can go home”. Misaki shot a harsh glare upon him.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?”. 

“It means your attitude is annoying me and making me angry, Misaki. Come on, keep checking your punctuation. And don’t forget that you need to use upper case letters”. 

“Yeesh, I’m doing my best here...Why are you so irritated?”.

“Cause this is getting annoying. Did you forget what you’ve studied? You’re slacking off, aren’t you?”. 

“I’m busy nowadays, you dick. You’re supposed to help me out there”. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever…”. 

Checking off words, erasing and crossing out whatever he had was getting more and more tedious. Sure, he was still studying and it was bound to help him. Akihiko was a good teacher after all. Still, it was the most annoying thing on the planet. At least they were nearly done.

“Usagi, I redid it...Is it better now?”. The paper was taken quickly, nearly being a snatch. The author looked over it while he fiddled with his glasses. 

“It’s good enough. Get to the next paper, now”. Misaki rolled his eyes. While he took the next paper, he read over it to see whatever Akihiko had scribbled on there. Looking closely, he could see some of what was written was in English, in neat (or what could be perceived as ‘neat’) handwriting. It suddenly interested him. 

“Hmm...Hey, Usagi-san…”. 

“What?”. 

“Why do you know english so well? I get your an author or whatever but still”, he inquired. Akihiko lifted his eyes up to look him in the eye. 

“I was brought to England as a child so I grew up knowing both English and Japanese. English from my peers and my tutor and Japanese from my family. I wonder if I told you this before...”. 

“Wow, you had a tutor since you were a kid? Talk about being stressed…”. 

“Well, we eventually had to get rid of him. I ended up just learning through other adults so I have a bit of an accent if I try to speak it”. Misaki giggled, trying to imagine how silly he would sound. 

“England, huh...I wonder if living there is easier than living in Japan. Was it fun over there?”. 

“My mother and father were there for business matters but they let me go off to do my own thing. I don’t exactly remember much but there was a lot of wonderful sights. I wish I could’ve taken pictures”. Misaki looked towards the man, noticing there was a small smile upon his lips. He had a nice smile, forcing Misaki to stare. 

_ Woah...He’s so cute... _ He took his eyes away to avoid being caught. He did admire his face. His jawline was nicely defined and his soft expression was just so sweet. 

“When did you come back to live in Japan? Was it hard to adjust?”. 

“Hmm...I think I returned when I was about 7 or older. I met another kid and I remember liking him a lot. He came from a rich household too but I don’t see him much anymore. Having a friend made it easier to go to school and to just relax here”. Misaki quickly scribbled upon his work, trying to finish while Akihiko wasn’t yelling at him. Though, he was oddly finding enjoyment hearing him talk about his life. He was learning about him. “I think living in Europe so early helped my grades in school. I was usually the best at writing so naturally that’s how I got into being an author”. 

“I remember in high school, I was always the dumb kid. I guess I was okay at math and science but English was my worst subject...You’re way too lucky”. Akihiko pointed at a writing mistake on the paper Misaki wrote on, but didn’t bother to speak on it. Quickly, he erased and managed to correct it.  

“I may be lucky but I had my own personal issues. I was pretty lonely so I had nothing else to do but write and work”. 

“Didn’t you have my brother though?”. 

“Yes but he left to work as soon as high school ended. Weren’t you already an adult when he left? I don’t think he’s much older than you”. 

“Yeah..That’s how I ended up here. I didn’t have much friends either. I don’t really have any actually...”. 

“Well…”, Akihiko moved in a bit closer. His wandering hand gently landed on Misaki’s thigh, slowly rubbing it as he glanced at him. His hand was a bit  _ more  _ gentle than usual, slowing caressing his inner thigh. Misaki peered up from his work, a bit startled at the sudden closeness. There was a soft glaze in those violet eyes. “You have me, don’t you?”. 

Misaki flushed hard, trying to find the words to even reply to that before the author quickly removed his hand. 

“Rewrite that last sentence and then you’re done”. 

Still startled and a bit aroused, he just sat in his spot to try to process that sudden action. Was he trying to hit on him? Was he just not understanding personal boundaries for the billionth time? Both were likely but Misaki prayed for the first option. 

He hastily wrote, then handed it to Akihiko for him to check once more. After that, they’d be completely done. 

“Is this good…?”. Akihiko looked the paper up and down, taking a quick glance up at the other man before taking the pencil from his hands. He then proceeded to erase a few sentences, then scribbled something down. Misaki stared in brief confusion before being handed back the paper. 

Upon closer inspection, Akihiko had completely rewritten and finished the rest of the sheets. 

“There. You’re done now. Turn everything in when you can”. Misaki was in complete disbelief. He was a bit irritated since he wanted to be the one to finish but if it meant not dealing with college work anymore then he was happy. 

“Um...Thank you, Usagi-”. 

There was a sudden large snap, catching the attention of both men. Akihiko quickly looked towards the lights which flickered and then shut themselves off. The heater quickly stopped moving in its turn-about motion until there was no longer warmth coming from it. 

They only sat in the cold, dark apartment. Now what was there to do?


	12. Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The power's out and Akihiko can't get home in the freezing cold. Meanwhile, Misaki thinks of how he could get closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uhh BIG WARNING FOR CSA (Look at the last few tags of this current time). There's nothing explicitly written as it's just mentioned and brought up but if you're uncomfortable with it in general then maybe try to stay away from this chapter. I didn't write anything graphic, it's just talked about for a few sentences but that's just a warning

The thin air cut into everything like piano wire. It was freezing, which was only more noticeable with the lack of power. Darkness wasn’t really that troubling but it only amplified the temperature. It wasn’t exactly too late but nightfall always came early. 

A bothered Misaki shivered, looking over at his dear friend who was by the window near the computer station. Though it bothered him that he was next to it, he didn’t wanna make a fuss. Akihiko was deep into a phone call, nodding and sometimes shaking his head before speaking in the most irritated tone imaginable. After a bit, he turned to pace towards Misaki and sighed. 

“Well, I called the landlord here and they said they’re trying to fix the power but they need to get rid of the snow first…”, Akihiko shut his phone off but the torch option was on. He directed the light of it towards the camboy, bundled up in blankets in the corner of his bed. “I’m sure it won’t take that long but at least the stove still works...I think”.  

“You think?! Usagi, you probably busted it from earlier so shut up!”. He shot a dirty look at him, then pulled the blankets up closer towards his face. “I really need to work tonight but I can’t now...The wifi is probably off if everything else is messed up”. 

Akihiko blinked, glancing at the computer at the far end of the apartment. 

“You work online, huh? Doing what?”. His tone was a bit...off but nothing to worry about, right? Misaki huffed, attempting to gather any possible reasoning. 

“Oh, I...uh...I’m just an online seller”. Surprisingly, that worked as that was enough to get them off the subject. Misaki silently congratulated himself. Meanwhile, the other man turned his device back on and tapped away on it. Only his violet eyes slid to look at him as the rest of his face stayed focused towards the screen. 

“Are you feeling okay? You felt ill this morning after all”. 

“I’m fine...it’s just freezing...what time is it?”. 

“It’s about 7 now”. He looked at him up and down, raising his eyebrows. “You...don’t need to cover yourself up like that. It’s not that cold, Misaki”. 

“Yeah but it’s chilly and I’m just sensitive to the air and stuff...You’re wearing a sweater so you can’t be complaining”. 

“You’re wearing a big shirt and sweatpants so you can’t be complaining either, idiot”. Misaki pouted at the response, but then noticed him turn his head fully to look at him. The eye contact forced him to instantly turn away, not bearing to look at the author. There was a strong sense of guilt from what he had done in the bathroom earlier. 

There was no way he knew so what did it matter? Still, it was extremely weird to jack off to a friend...It’s not like Akihiko did it over him either, so it’s not like it was mutual in any way (lol). He had a crush on him but believe him, it’s much more of a romantic one than a sexual one...despite his earlier actions. The lump in his throat was much too difficult to swallow at this point.

His other actions after he finished were a very much offputting...Despite all the blunt trauma, his knuckles weren’t exactly in bad shape. Of course, he did disinfect the scrapes and small cuts after he got out the shower but they were still red and swollen. It’s not really the worst that he’s done...there were probably people who’ve done worse to themselves but the thought made him shiver. For now, his hand was just aching but his injury must’ve been nearly invisible. 

Akihiko didn’t even notice the pain he was in while he held that warm mug. He didn’t notice how it hurt to write. He didn’t even notice any injury. In his defense, you usually don’t look at someone’s hand if you’re working and talking to him...But Misaki did feel a bit disheartened thinking about it. Yeah, he didn’t try to show any pain he was in yet he still expected his beloved to immediately catch on. 

What was he thinking? It’s not like he could force him to pay attention to him...Though it would be nice. Still, he really had to make himself stop thinking such selfish thoughts. He didn’t want to experience heart break before he even had the slightest chance. 

It wasn’t any use dwelling on. If there was anything he was cheery about, it was talking to him. He managed to get Akihiko to talk to him more about his own life which was fun to listen to. He really did enjoy listening to his silk like voice go on and on about things he’s experienced...It was sweet watching him lost in thought. Originally, Misaki only brought up anything just to distract him from work but it ended up making his heart skip a beat. 

The way Akihiko spoke and rambled was...weirdly cute? He has such a soft, sweet smile and his eyes almost lit up when he was asked about his childhood...It only made Misaki’s heart melt. Was there a chance they could have more conversations? Ones where they spoke deeper into life? He sure hopes so...Anything to show his love. 

He’d love to know him through and through. He wanted to go on another ‘date’ with him. He wanted to sleep with him. He wanted to love him. 

But is there even a chance? 

Then, the thought of him came to mind. He rubbed his thigh a bit...what was that? There was a bit of...odd tension that was in the moment. It felt good but what was it?

Did Akihiko mean anything by it?

To his sudden surprise, he felt a weight beside him. Snapping out of his thought, he noticed the author sit down beside him. He didn’t bother looking at him yet on the other hand, Misaki could only stare. His phone was set onto the side counter, illuminating whatever it could touch. Surprisingly, it was bright enough to show a good chunk of the bed area though not enough to light the entire apartment. However, it was just enough. The battery must’ve been draining but even so, Misaki could always just use his phone if it died.

 He could see Akihiko’s pale skin glow from the soft light. His eyes looked straight ahead, staring into space before they closed. Misaki had the urge to invite him into the little blanket burrito he put himself in but couldn’t muster up anything. This was already good enough as just looking at someone as beautiful as him felt like a well deserved good time. Then, he shut his lovely eyes before sighing ever so softly.  

_ Is he sleepy?  _ Misaki looked on, admiring his jawline, his clear complexion and his soft breathing. He was beautiful. How could someone so lovely be casually sitting next to someone as vile as him? Misaki didn’t get it but whether it was true or not, he didn’t care. He was happy just with this. 

Out of the blue, Akihiko suddenly rested his head against the top of the brunette’s. It surely startled him, feeling the weight suddenly come down. He groaned a bit, nuzzling into Misaki’s soft hair and breathing into it. Misaki couldn’t help but blush at the closeness. Was this an attempt at cuddling? Or was he just really sleepy? Maybe both. 

There was an odd peace between the two. Neither spoke but Misaki could feel Akihiko’s warmth passing onto him. He smiled gently but slowly raised the covers to cover his mouth. It was embarrassing but he couldn’t stop grinning. 

_ Usagi-san’s so warm...I wanna hug him. His breath smells though...He smokes way too much. I need to take away his cigs. He smells like my clients, yuck... _ He glanced at the resting man, then back downwards.  _ I guess it’s a happy smell though...if it’s from him. This is safe, right?  _ He bit his lip.  _ I wish I could tell him how I feel.  _

Akihiko suddenly raised his head away from him, catching his attention. He stretched his long arms, groaning softly before gripping his hands onto the pillow below. He adjusted his position, scooting then laying down slowly.

 He turned to look at Misaki, his eyes softly inviting him over. He smiled at him. Though it was dark, the small light coming from his phone was powerful enough to illuminate the bed (Or at least most of it). Misaki became quite heated at the soft invitation, almost deciding to stay put in the corner but his desire was too huge not to ignore. He inched his way next to Akihiko, laying beside him. He set the blankets on top of them both, being in their own tunnel of heat. 

He twisted himself into a comfortable position, as the bed was only a twin sized one. He couldn’t get to be on either side without being squished. Akihiko raised his upper half, trying to give room to the smaller man before they both came to a mutual realization. It was silent but the heart’s beat was echoing.  

Misaki looked from side to side, hiding his mouth to cover up his embarrassment. Akihiko layed back down, smirking as he witnessed him crawl on top of his body. He trembled, slowly pressing himself onto him. He didn’t know how to feel...Was it overwhelming happiness or utter dread? He was now on top of him...On top of  _ Akihiko.  _ Was this platonic? Is this normal? Well, it’d be messed up if Akihiko made him sleep on the floor or if he went down there since it was much colder than usual without the heating. 

This was the best solution...But it was way too embarrassing. 

Misaki slowly nuzzled into Akihiko’s chest, inhaling his scent and feeling his warmth. He could feel a familiar hand come up to stroke his hair, tangling it in his fingers and combing his scalp. It felt good. 

_ Way too good _ . Better than usual. He could hear the man below giggle, forcing him to keep his face in his chest. Their bodies were entangled into a comfortable position...Was this out of pure luck? Did it even mean anything?!

What did he even want to know at this point?

“Misaki, can I ask you something?”. Akihiko’s voice was thick, a bit raspy. A sudden bullet of anxiety hit Misaki’s stomach. He didn’t want to look at him so he stayed in his chest, breathing in deeply. 

“Um, yeah...What’s up?”. His voice cracked. 

There was a brief moment of silence before the author managed to speak again. 

“Your hand is messed up... What happened?”. 

 Misaki had a shiver rush down his spine, pure panic set inside. What was he supposed to say?! On one end, he was happy Akihiko noticed but on the other hand, this was literally the worst that could have happened. It was normal to want people you like to notice when you’re not doing good. Despite that, he couldn’t stop his heart from wanting to explode.

 What did he mean? What if he knew he hurt himself on purpose?! He had deep regrets on what he did but what else could he had done?!

Obviously it wasn’t the best option he could have done but in all honesty, it was the only thing keeping him from screaming and bawling out loud. It wasn’t the best option but it was the only thing to get out his bitterness without causing a major scene. 

Now what was there to do? What did Akihiko think of him now? Did he see him as a freak now? An unstable person? Does he even know he hurt himself on purpose?

Why…

_ Why do I care so much over his shitty fucking opinion?! _

Misaki felt the lump in his throat suffocate him, forcing him to hold his breath. He could feel Akihiko’s hard stare, only making him want to tear off his skin. He had the urge to stab himself in the throat, jump out the window, do literally ANYTHING besides being judged by him of all people. He was frozen in place. He couldn’t even move without wanting to scream till his throat was bloody and ripped apart. 

It would hurt less than the amount of dread that consumed him. 

Who cares if his brother, his sister in law, his nephew, his classmates, his professor, his boss, his clients or anyone else thought he was weird? Who cares if they thought he was gross? Surely not him. They probably already saw him as a sick freak...They probably didn’t say anything but he could always feel those sly harsh looks on him. 

But why did one person...Just one person who was decent enough to listen to him. There really was a major dependency issue. Those people in his life were just people. 

Akihiko was just Akihiko. 

_ Usagi-san...is just Usagi-san. I don’t want him to think I’m gross...I love him...Why am I like this? I just want him to stay with me and like me. That’s all I want. I don’t care if everyone in the world thinks I’m a freak...As long as he’s the exception... _

Anyone but him. 

_ Please don’t hate me. _

“Misaki... Are you crying?”. His voice broke the tense silence. Misaki shot up to look at him, blinked once, then twice in confusion. It took a solid moment to notice tears running down his face, flooding his eyes and staining his cheeks. 

He rushed to rub them off, using his sleeves as a shield. It was too embarrassing but it’s not like he could see with his vision getting blurred. Akihiko sat upwards, staring down at him in worry. What was supposed to do in this situation? Obviously he had to comfort him but he knew it wouldn’t be as sincere as he intended. He was never good at comforting anyone. Still, no use in not trying. 

They were friends after all. 

“Are you okay? Did I say anything?!”. Misaki sniffled, head facing downward. 

“I’m- I’m fine...I don’t know what’s been coming over me lately…!”. His voice was quite trembly, as if he was trying to sound calm yet his emotions got the better of him. “My hand is fine, it just aches a little bit! I just slipped in the shower and I tried to break my fall...Really, I-I mean it…”. 

“You don’t look fine”. Akihiko leaned forward, yet didn’t want to touch him. What if it made him uncomfortable? Still, he tried to console him as best as he could. “Misaki, talk to me…”. 

That request was only met with his cold silence but Misaki’s choked cries were deafening. Akihiko knew he had to be patient but the overwhelming anxiety took ahold. Still, he didn’t dare a muscle closer towards him. 

  
  


Who knows how many seconds, minutes, or maybe hours had passed until Misaki calmed down? He managed to get all his emotions out at last, but it was good he was less stressed than before. It was right to give him space, which Akihiko was glad about. They laid down motionless on the bed, enwrapped in the blankets Misaki had graciously brought over them. His head laid against the author’s chest, breathing slowly and his eyes in a dead daze. It was as if he could no longer blink. 

Akihiko rested his hand on top of his head, not moving it but simply keeping it all to bring the man above a sense of security. They did not speak. They only stared in different directions, unmoving, like statues. Misaki’s cheeks were still wet and puffy, but those tear stains were drying up quickly. 

They looked on, one engulfed in a sea of confusing emotions and the other slowly feeling a wave of guilt. 

“Usagi-san…”, Misaki mumbled. Akihiko did not utter a word. He simply looked down, gazing at the unmoving man. 

“...Yes?”. 

There was a solid moment of harsh silence. Misaki remained still, almost like he was dead. He was alive and breathing however. He always was. 

“Why are you here…?”. The author raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by such an odd question. No use in not answering though. 

“Because I came to spend time with you”. He intended it to sound confident but it came off as more questionable. Misaki ran his tongue against his lips, before quickly put it back in his mouth. He swallowed, promptly biting his lip.   

“....Why are you still here?”. Akihiko blinked, then took a moment to think. 

“Because...the roads are icy and I can’t leave”. He felt the other man’s body tense up against him. 

“Why did you talk to me at the store?”. 

“What do you mean?”. 

“You know what I mean…”. There was a guilt filled knife going through Akihiko’s stomach, not slowly however. It went quick, poking through him multiple times. He truly was a disgusting man. 

He couldn’t even think of anything to reply with. His jaw clenched, though was it noticeable? It wasn’t but the silence definitely was. Neither could even speak up as they were somehow unbalanced yet synced. 

“I’m…”. He swallowed, seeing Misaki’s eyes flick up but his body remained nearly lifeless. “I’m sorry, Misaki”. 

“Heh...heh heh…”. Misaki chuckled in the most exhausted tone, twisting his lips into a weak smile. A tear drop quickly ran down his face again, then a few more before that was it. He must’ve been dehydrated. “It’s okay...It really is. Please don’t apologize. I don't even know what you're sorry for”. He lifted himself upwards, staring gently towards the man below him. His eyes flicked from side to side, up and down though they always just seemed to focus onto anywhere on Akihiko besides his face.  

“Usagi-san...Have you…”his voice cracked which promptly forced him to shut his mouth. His lips trembled and his arms were shaking, Akihiko could feel the small vibrations. He collected himself, looking downward towards his chest area. “Do you ever feel...y’know...worried someone doesn’t like you as much as you want them to…?”. 

Akihiko opened his mouth slightly, trying to figure out what he could say. Why was he asking this? There had to have been a reason and a very obvious one at that. The thing is...why does he feel this way? Did he give him mixed signals? He was an asshole and very cold in his attitude but did Misaki take it the wrong way? Did he hurt his feelings by being rude? He didn't mean to be, well, mean. It irritated him, knowing he didn't realize how bad he had been treating him without even noticing. 

Was he just being an asshole to him?

“Well, Misaki...Do you feel that way?”. That was only met with silence which only confirmed it. “If it makes you feel better, I have a few times. I’ve been through a lot of feelings and...It’s not fun”. 

“I figured as much. You always look dead inside, hehe”. Misaki’s laugh was strained, almost like his voice was leaving him.  

“I don’t really remember how I solved any of those emotions but it takes a long time. When someone doesn’t like you, they’ll show it. If they do, they do. And if you’re unsure, just ask. It’s simple, right?”. Misaki swallowed, his heart racing ten times as fast as it was before.

“What if you don’t wanna ask…?”. 

Akihiko moved his head, resting it on it’s side.  

“If you can’t ask, then you either assume things and deal with it or you just leave. Do you want to leave?”. Misaki shot his eyes towards him, panicked in his expression. 

“No!”, he yelled. He flinched at his own volume, lowering his head in embarrassment. “I mean, no...That would make me sad…Sorry”. 

“Why?”.

“Because I...I just don’t want to be alone but I kind of feel like I deserve to be…”. His voice trailed off as he lowered himself against the man’s chest. “I guess...I’m scared of being hated…”. Akihiko sighed softly, nodding. He wanted to get him to spill all his feelings. If it could help, perhaps he could talk about himself too. That’s what friends do, right? They tell each other about their life and their emotions. It wouldn’t help getting closer to him. It could make him feel better. He DID seem happy listening to him ramble about living in England. If he could use a decent memory to make him happy before, then telling him bad memories make him feel at home, right?

Why did he care so much for someone else’s well being besides his own anyway?

_ What does it even mean? _

“What makes you think you could be hated? I think you’re okay”. 

Misaki licked his dry lips, curled them inwards before putting them back as normal. He shook his head before speaking again in a distinct wobbly voice. 

“Y..you…should...”,he mumbled. 

“I should what?”. 

Misaki sniffled as he frowned. 

“You should really hate me”. He knew it. Misaki really had been feeling paranoid over this...It was all his fault.

“Why should I hate you?”. Misaki breathed softly but it was loud enough to be heard, like he was trying to hide his own gasps for air. His heart must’ve been going crazy because of this stress. 

“I’m not the best person at all…”, he began. His voice was thick and his eyes shut. “I’m stupid. I can’t read properly. I’ve done sketchy things but it’s not like I’m proud of anything at all...I force myself to do some things but then again, maybe it’s not a good solution but at least it’s easier because I can’t do anything right and I’m always scared because everyone’s left me alone for so fucking long!”. 

Akihiko was shaken at the response, but knew that it should have been expected. He loved his friend dearly...How could he not try to help him? He lov-  _ cared _ for him after all. 

“I’ve been alone too. For most of my childhood. It’s not fun, I know it isn't”. He extended his hands, running his fingers through the brunette’s locks. “...I know you’ve been through some things...I know life isn’t fair and you get stressed by a lot. It gets better, I promise”. 

“I don’t know what I want anymore...I’m scared”. 

“Scared of being hated?”. 

“...Yeah. I’m scared of that too”. 

“What else are you scared of?”. 

“Um...Now that I think about it…”, he bit his lip but nuzzled into the gentle hands ruffling his hair.  “I guess I’m scared of going to work again. I’m pretty poor but it’s the only job that pays enough for me to keep this apartment...but I’m scared of it...I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it sometimes but I guess I’m paranoid of what could happen”. 

“What do you think could happen?”. 

Misaki knew he couldn’t flat out answer that. He couldn’t say he was working in a very adult setting most of the time. He couldn’t tell him he was a prostitute. Was that even legal? Even if it was, it was still risky. How would Akihiko think of him? 

Still, he could...at least try to dance around that. If he was going to let him know what he did for a living then he already had a plan for it. 

“I think...I think I would get really hurt...I can’t sleep at night sometimes because I’m scared of that. I mean, I’ve been hurt physically but y'know it’s taken a toll on my brain but what if it gets worse? ”.

“Have you already been hurt before?”. 

“To be honest, yeah but y’know...I always wonder if it could get worse...When I was little, I’ve just been scared of being left alone after my parents died...My young self was always hurt by the smallest things. I was a bad kid and now I’m a bad adult”.  

“I got hurt a lot when I was younger too,'' Akihiko sighed. His hands continued petting the other’s hair but his fingers looked to have been moving much slower. “I remember my childhood was very hard on me as well. My mother was very cold to me and my father just threw me with anyone because he didn’t want to take care of me directly. I remember hating myself a lot. I cried a lot but I always hid". 

Misaki slowly looked up, resting his chin on his chest. 

“Is that so...?”. 

“I always thought they hated me and to be honest, I resent them. They don’t hate me but y’know...they just don’t care. When I was very young, they even let a creep tutor me and...I lost a lot of myself because of him. My father pathetically let him get close to  me without doing a background check. I’ve recovered but I am very bitter over it still...After that, I still had to deal with my parents, my brother and my other family’s distance. I didn’t have a lot of friends either. I was always alone. '' 

Misaki gazed in worry and shock, attempting to process what he described. 

“Usagi-san...I’m sorry…”. 

“It’s okay. I was always worried and scared even before that. Like I said, my parents never cared. I’m an adult now anyway. I’ve grown from it all. No one liked me as much as I wanted them to”. He ran his hands past his soft locks, pressing them against Misaki’s cheeks. He directed him to look directly at him, locking their eyes. “Misaki, I like you. You help my loneliness. You’re not alone at all. I can’t hate you, no matter how you think of yourself”. 

“What do you…?”. 

“I just realized...You’ve been hurting because of me. I’m sorry. You’re my friend. I shouldn’t ever be ignorant to your feelings”. 

Misaki gazed at him, suddenly feeling the tears fill his eyes once again. 

“Crybaby”, Akihiko smiled. He used his thumbs to wipe his eyes, caressing his face as he went. “Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. You can’t fool me with your lies”. Misaki couldn’t open his eyes as his vision would be blurred, but he still attempted to speak. 

“I..I-I’m sorry-”. 

“Don’t apologize. I know, I know…”. He removed his hands from his face, then used his arms to scoop up the other man’s body to bring him up higher to bring him closer. He embraced him, pressing his head against Misaki’s shoulder as he felt tears fall onto his shoulder which was just below his chin. Misaki looked on, eyes full of shock and confusion. 

What now? He only felt his heart race. Though his body and spirit grew warm, he was still troubled. Akihiko still didn’t get it. 

He didn’t get it at all. He grieved but it wasn’t just for that alone. He felt better, safer but something was still under wraps. 

_ Idiot...hurry up and notice...Or just get out of my heart...I love you..I love you so much...Get out of my heart...Please just get out...You’re giving me too much hope… _

Akihiko raised his head up, a gentle look in his eyes. Misaki felt his face heat, overwhelmingly happy. He didn’t smile but all he knew was that he was in safety and comfort. 

“Misaki”, he purred. “Can I kiss you?”. 

Just with that, his mind went blank. 

His eyes went wide and if his face wasn’t red before, it was a good crimson now. His mind was completely empty but somehow knew what he wanted. He vowed that he would never let Akihiko kiss him  _ there _ until he confessed but...he wanted it. He  _ needed _ it.

He could curse at himself later. It was too late for him to change his mind.  

Misaki nodded slowly, shutting his eyes before leaning in. He could feel the other man’s warmth press against him as their lips touched. He could let himself reach his arms forward to wrap around the other man, returning his hug.

He already felt himself sinking into it, his heart soaring. It felt good. Surprisingly good...he wasn’t used to this type of feeling. 

It must’ve been an hour (Actually a few seconds) before they pulled away, but not from exhaustion. There was a loud surge, catching both of their attention as the lights of the apartment suddenly flickered back on.  The room was lit up at last, the sound of the heater slowly starting up was heard and though it was still cold, it was slowly getting warmer. 

Misaki looked around, lifting himself away to observe his surrounding space. 

“They fixed it finally…”, his voice trailed before his eyes went back to the man under him. It took a few seconds for a realization to hit him, making him stumble and nearly lose his balance in a panic. Akihiko looked at him with both sly gentleness and question. Misaki’s skin felt like it was on fire, still struggling to process what had just happened. 

“Well, I guess that’s good...But they’re probably struggling with the roads”, Akihiko sighed as he reached to grab his phone to shut off the flashlight. He flicked his eyes downward to notice Misaki was sitting directly on top of him but he was unaware. He had his hands covering his mouth, seemingly confused as to what just happened. 

Obviously neither exactly planned to kiss directly but they’d both be lying if they said they weren’t into it. Seeing the shocked face of the brunette only made the author chuckle. He felt incredibly warm and though the heating was back on, he wanted to be able to touch a much closer heat. Without warning, he snagged him by the collar before pulling him back close to him. 

Misaki yelped but was back to being pulled into a tight embrace, feeling those gentle hands travel down his back slowly. It took a few moments before he registered everything but once he did, he shakily returned the hug. He was still on top of him and he felt himself suddenly growing...vulnerable. 

Akihiko leaned his head down to press his lips against Misaki’s face, pecking everywhere he could before Misaki lifted his face to meet his lips again. He was drawn in the mood, straddling him as he laid on him. They softly kissed, eyes shut tight. It was much warmer now, more than before. 

The author let his hand rub Misaki’s back, letting the other one wander downwards. What exactly was he intending to do? They were getting way closer than usual- Hell, they were literally kissing. Misaki was literally on top of him, his body was literally against him. What could he do now? This has to be going somewhere...right? It was fine, right?

Only one way to find out after all. 

Akihiko let his tongue out, licking the other man’s bottom lip. He felt him shiver slightly, expecting his advances to be rejected. Instead, however, he could feel Misaki’s lip part open to invite him in. And so, he let his tongue go inside his mouth before being greeted with a returned kiss. 

They went on, being heated as Akihiko could hear Misaki’s small choked moans as they loved. His hand traveled down towards his bottom, lightly rubbing it before giving it a small squeeze which immediately caught the attention of the man who was just on top of him. He yelped in surprise, which made Akihiko quickly retract his hand. 

“Oh shit- I-I’m sorry”, he panicked. “Sorry, I thought…”. 

“N-No, it’s okay, Usagi-san...If it’s you then...”. Misaki’s eyes suddenly had a faint sense of...wonder? He couldn’t make out the look in them. Awe? Shyness? It was definitely a soft, gentle gaze he had which only made the author more enchanted. Sure,he wasn’t really attractive...If he could rate him, he’d score at least a 6/10. Still, he held an extremely attractive magnetic pull towards him which now was starting to make Akihiko go crazy. 

His face was softly lit up, that gentle red tint decorated his cheeks like a badge. Though he was anxious, Misaki had a sense of happiness going through him. Staring at his embarrassed self, which was extremely cute, was getting the author’s blood to rush in a  _ different _ area. 

Without hesitation, he yanked him back down into the heated kiss, wrapping his tongue around the other man’s and tasting him. Akihiko gripped Misaki’s bottom, rubbing as he was pleased to hear the soft moans. He made himself buck his hips, startling the one above but was only met with him pulling away to breathe before he went back to licking his lips and wanting more. 

Misaki felt the wandering fingers move away from his ass, making him a bit disappointed but was met with a hot shock as he could now feel those touches rubbing his groin. He gasped into Akihiko’s mouth, moaning as he licked. He was used to being groped and kissed by people but usually, he didn’t enjoy it this much. After all, usually they had to pay (though he didn’t like charging much) so what was there to grow emotional about?

This time, he was doing it with someone he loved. It brought an entire new plane of ecstasy. His member grew erect, which pressed against Akihiko’s stomach which must’ve caught his attention as he started to chuckle. 

“W-What’s so funny?”. 

“Looks like you’re enjoying yourself a little too much”. 

“Shut up, you’re one to talk…stupid perv”. 

Akihiko kissed his cheek, then pecked his lips again as he smirked. 

“Why don’t you help us both then?”. That question only made Misaki pout, irritated by Akihiko’s own calm nature but this was usually easy work. He sat up, trying not to make eye contact as he lifted his oversized shirt off. He stripped slowly, trembling unexpectedly as he grew more and more naked in front of the other man. 

He was used to doing this...but now he was only embarrassed. He kept his head turned as he felt the author sit up and start feeling his body up, kissing his neck and chest while he rubbed his exposed member. Misaki didn’t even wanna see Akihiko undress but he could hear clothes shuffling and was tempted to sneak a small peek. 

As soon as he was fully naked with the brunette, Akihiko pulled him back down to crash his lips against his. He took his hands to slide down and rub Misaki’s cock. The camboy groaned, shakily moving his hand down to return the generous touching. He steadily rubbed the author’s dick, giving him the best handjob he could manage despite the anxious pressure. Was he pleasing him right? He always gave “favors” but this time it was completely free of charge. It was just out of love. 

_ I hope he’s happy with this...God, this is so embarrassing! I didn’t think he’d ever see me naked but here we go...I hope he thinks I look good at least... _

It must’ve been a few minutes before Misaki felt the heavy pressure grow too great, causing him to cum quickly. Semen spurted out onto Akihiko’s hand, which got covered in the thick liquid. He lifted his hand up, making sure to lick everything off before passing glance at the flustered man. 

“Are you always this fast?”, he teased. Misaki still stroked Akihiko’s member, trying to focus on making him cum already. He wanted to see it and at the same time, he just needed an excuse not to look him directly in the eye. It was embarrassing, he usually didn’t cum so quick...Then again, it’s been awhile since anyone touched him besides himself. 

“Shut up, you’re annoying...You’re the one who gets excited over being kissed”. Akihiko grinned at his attitude. He was so cute when he was shy and embarrassed. He knew Misaki was a hypocrite, since he got turned on from kissing mainly. He just got aroused from seeing him blush. 

For being an anxious mess, he did give a good handjob. Probably because he’s given lots before but Akihiko wasn’t gonna complain. He hadn’t had sex with anyone in awhile so he was already at his limit. He bit his lip, moaning softly before he was at his release. He came onto the man’s hand, who’s eyes were fixated on it. 

He was already getting more aroused just having the author squirm under him. He wanted this. He was getting closer to him this way. He had to be, right?

If Misaki could be close to Akihiko this way...then it’s something he couldn’t waste. Even if he didn’t love him back, then even if he loved him like this, he would be happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed this! I didn't bother editing when it came to the sexual bits since its awkward rereading my own smut but the next chapter may or may not continue it. I'm still deciding on making ch 13 long and graphic with the content or cut to the actual plot again and the aftermath it will have. Anyway i hope this was fun to read


	13. White Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of touching, Misaki has grown far more smitten of his beloved. Meanwhile, Akihiko is troubled by it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is another short chapter but I'm really not well due to severe paranoia. I've been going through some stuff but I'm glad I managed to write something at all,, this was still fun to write though!  
> Next chapter will hopefully be longer so enjoy

Misaki would like to believe it was his first time ever being held in someone’s arms. It wasn’t at all but he just pretended he did. That comforted him, eased his mind from his past thoughts. 

He laid in bed with someone who he truly cared about but he didn’t understand how to think of the whole situation. Akihiko slept with his head towards the side, meanwhile Misaki laid on top. They were both naked as they were doing some things that were a bit too embarrassing to think back on. The author’s arm was around Misaki, keeping him close as his head was pressed on his chest. The soft beats echoed through his ears, almost like it counted each second passing by like a clock.  

It was comfortable to listen to as it combined with the rest of the whitenoise in the apartment. The power was back finally, the small heater slowly turning from side to side making its rounds. It hummed softly. His neighbors had their TV on at full volume, making it’s muffled racket audible to probably about anyone in a mile radius. It would’ve been a nuisance yet somehow Misaki could take pleasure in it’s own white noise. 

Somehow, his anxiety wasn’t completely off the charts as usual. Sure, there were the usual nervous itches but despite that night’s deeds...everything was fine. He felt happy? Excited? A weird mixture of complete calmness and agonizing happiness. 

Misaki’s heart should’ve been racing yet the beat was steady. 

It was numbing. 

Akihiko’s breathing was soft and audible, being music to the camboy’s ears. He was incredibly warm and the body heat shared between them from underneath the blankets created its own tunnel of warmth. It was like a temporary heaven. 

And temporary it was.

 

Akihiko woke to the sound of sizzling and a pleasant aroma. His head was foggy as he was just barely awake, struggling to sit up without having his arms give up on him. It was like the bed had its own magnetic pull, making him want to knock back out. 

His eyes adjusted to the lit room, focusing on a certain someone in the kitchen who worked with the stove. He would’ve just went back to sleep but then, he squinted. That person was Misaki of course but...he looked off. Though he was just across the apartment, he could see him grinning to himself. 

What was he so happy for? Most of the time, he was either looking down or about to rip someone’s head off. His smile was cute though, this time seeming much more genuine than usual. 

Akihiko sighed to himself, flopping back down. It was sweet to see his friend look so at peace. 

His  **_friend._ **

Akihiko’s eyes flicked back open, sitting up quickly to lift his blanket up. Surely enough, he was naked. His clothes were on the floor, now neatly in a pile beside the bed which means a certain someone had touched them. 

It was confirmed that he in fact had sex with that certain someone. Someone he didn’t even have feelings for...Was this a one night stand?

Was this a one time thing? They were still friends, right?

This could just be forgotten about, right? He didn’t force Misaki down or anything...He clearly wanted to be touched. He didn't want to hurt him. 

Misaki surely didn’t seem hurt but oddly enough, somehow...Akihiko’s heart sank. He didn’t understand anything. They kissed on the lips and through any language, that meant something sweet. He did in fact intend something sweet when he leaned in but he would be lying if he said he planned it. He was incredibly soft for Misaki but...They were just friends. Did Misaki see it that way?

He didn’t understand what answer he’d want. He didn’t plan on them touching each other and going incredibly far at all. He always thought about mounting him and screwing his brains out but the thought of just doing that now was just...wrong. It was wrong. He couldn’t see him as just a little cheap and easy whore like before, hell, he regretted ever seeing him like that. 

It felt gross to even think about his streams, his erotic words for the camera, his moans from touching himself. He heard those sounds first hand. He saw his erotic nature. Could he even watch a stream again? 

This was the dream of some disgusting virgin living in their mom’s basement but he was a well off man living in a penthouse who still needed to jack off. He was living a fantasy all horny weirdos had at some point. The sex was good, the kissing was amazing, the cuddling was fantastic. Everything was perfect! 

But if everything was really perfect, why’d Akihiko want to fall down the stairs outside? 

He collected his thoughts, grabbing his clothes and slipping them on as quietly as possible. He must’ve caught the attention of the little lovely man in the kitchen, who looked up and then quickly covered his eyes as Akihiko got dressed. How ironic, a seductive sweetheart getting shy over just seeing someone naked. 

Once he put on everything, he stretched. He turned to face the other man, whose hands still hid his eyes. 

“Are you dressed yet?”. 

“....Yes”. 

Misaki lowered his hands, still flushed and promptly shut off the stove. It smelled great near there. Akihiko lowered his eyes to see what he cooked but he then got distracted seeing Misaki scoop up whatever he had onto a plate. Without even saying anything, he showed the plate of eggs, vegetables and sausage to the author with a shy smile. 

“Um...I made you breakfast so eat…”. His timid nature wasn’t exactly out of the question. It’s awkward to still be at someone’s place after having sex. Akihiko was just used to everyone leaving pretty quickly. He never thought he would be the one waking up to someone making him a meal. 

Now what was gonna happen? 

He was already sitting and eating, unsure of what exactly would happen next. He expected Misaki to be more of a mess than usual but he was somehow...softer than usual? He always wore a deep blush on his face but this time he seemed to always be smiling into his hand. Was he okay in the head? He wasn’t eating either, he just went to go through the fridge and rearranged whatever. 

Somehow, everything seemed pleasant. 

Akihiko already had a thought. 

“Misaki”. He interrupted the silence;Misaki looked up like a deer in headlights. 

“Yes?”. 

“Let’s go hang out for a bit”. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people write about cute boys to cope...Hope y'all enjoyed!


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